Hardest thing for me to do (Need advice)

[OnlyAReplica]

This is my first post here and I apologize for it being so long but here it goes.

Me and my boyfriend met in a game (don't laugh) two years ago and hit it off like you wouldn't believe. He lives in LA and I live in Arizona over by Phoenix so it's a bit of a distance but still seems like a world away. Over time we fell more for each other and eventually added in skype (voice only) and sending pictures of each other. Then on our two year anniversary he finally bought a webcam so I could see him smile and actually see him tell me that he loves me. Now about a week ago we finally arranged for us to be together for the first time ever, he was to fly in the night of Valentine's Day (the 14th) and leave the afternoon of President's Day (the 17th). I remember when I first saw him walk off the plane my heart skipped a beat, I couldn't believe I could finally be with my baby. Right when he wasn't looking I tackled him and he swung me around. The next three days were the most amazing days of my life, it was like being in heaven. I got to fall asleep in his arms, wake up to his beautiful face, hold his hand everywhere we went together. Had a lot of firsts that weekend too which made it even more beautiful. So Monday rolled around and I broke because I knew what was coming and that he was going to have to leave me again for who knows how long. After hours of me crying and him tearing up trying to calm me down, he walked out my door to get on the shuttle to get to the airport. After he walked out I broke down so bad my mom had to run to catch me before I fell crying hysterically. 30 minutes later I get a text from him saying that he made it to the airport and that he already started to miss me. Then he proceeded to tell me that when he gets on the plane he doesn't know if he'll handle it knowing he's getting farther away from me. Now here I am a day later and everything is still making me cry. I miss him so bad my heart hurts and I don't know what to do to make the pain stop. Me and him text each other all day and we spend a few hours together on the game we play at night but it's not the same anymore. I can't sleep anymore knowing he wont be there when I wake up and when I do sleep all I do is have nightmares of being alone in a desolate world that's falling apart and being overran by the earth. He told me today that he's been tearing up all day because things will happen that remind him of me.

I just don't know what to do to ease the pain a little. I have no idea when the next time we'll get to be together so that's probably part of the pain. Before he left he gave me his handkerchief that smelled heavily like him as well as the cologne that he wears to try and help, and I did the very same for him. So my question is, is this a bit much or is it what usually happens in long distance relationships and what can I do to make it a little easier for me to be okay.

~Anna

[eeelaynuh]

Hi! i'm new too! (:

i am really sorry that you are going through that! the good news is, this site is really awesome. so far, it has been the best outlet for me, realizing other people are in the same situations. it is really hard being in a long distance relationship, i hate it so much sometimes. and i know what you mean about your heart hurting, mine aches, its terrible! BUT, when i talk to people on here or read other peoples success stories, it helps and makes me feel better, like there's hope.

also, personally, i have an album on my phone dedicated solely for pictures of him. i keep adding them in as he sends them, and it makes me feel so much better. i also stare at the pictures we had together.

and honestly the thing that has saved our relationship is FaceTime. Seriously, its like our own personal lifeline to each other. the sound and video quality is much better than skype too. but if skype is all you have then the point is that you're constantly communicate. we are always talking and even though we are so far apart we are getting so much closer each day and fall more in love!

if there's any way that you could plan to meet again that helps a lot too, looking forward to something is always motivating.

also handwritten letters are nice because you have the persons handwriting and its like a piece of them. much more personal than texting or emailing.

[OnlyAReplica]

Well I have a folder for him on my computer as well as my phone. I treasure everything he sends to me like it's the perfect gift. For Christmas, for the first time ever, we sent each other Christmas cards. I hand made mine to include everything he loves as well as a handwritten note of how I feel about him and such. He of course picked a sweet one up from the store since arts and crafts aren't his cup of tea (it was the thought that counts though!) My wallpaper for my computer is a constant rotating slideshow of pictures of him and the few I got of us when he was here with me as well so it's kind of comforting.

[Alsfia]

It's always hard to part from the most important person in the world, and at least for me the first time I had to watch him go was the hardest, simply because I had no idea what to expect. I cried so much but I literally had to go back to work the same day and get back into my every day routine. You have to allow yourself to be sad for a while though, but you can't stay in the after visit depression for too long. Some people find it easier if they get to talk to their partner and share memories together, others want to be alone for a while. Try and go back to what you were doing with each other before the visit, it doesn't feel the same but your relationship has just been taken to a whole new level so should it really? It also helps to get started with planning the next visit (at least for me), you don't have to set anything in stone but even a loose idea of when you'll see each other again helps.

Best of luck and congrats to your first meeting!

[TaraMarie]

I find the best thing to do is to make your NEXT plan to be together. You two are relatively close. Even within driving distance! Make your Next plan, Then have a plan IN PLACE each tome before you part. It helps! Just remember, YOU ARE NORMAL and we ALL feel that way! Hang in there!

[Malaga]

Now here I am a day later and everything is still making me cry. I miss him so bad my heart hurts and I don't know what to do to make the pain stop. Me and him text each other all day and we spend a few hours together on the game we play at night but it's not the same anymore. I can't sleep anymore knowing he wont be there when I wake up and when I do sleep all I do is have nightmares of being alone in a desolate world that's falling apart and being overran by the earth. He told me today that he's been tearing up all day because things will happen that remind him of me.

I know it's hard, but try to refrain yourself from smelling his handkerchief and things like that, save it only for when you really need a pick me up. Make it a special treat for you. If looking at your pics together makes you feel lonely then don't do it. Such things only make you feel worse when you're revisiting them while everything is still so fresh. You need to try and put it out of your mind until you get used to the distance again. (You will.) Go out with friends, hang out with your family, even if you don't feel like it. It helps more than crying in your room.

And yes, plan your next visit. Having a goal really helps. You both need to pull yourself together and carry on, because you're not helping each other cope by falling apart so theatrically. It just makes you feel worse because you can't help each other. Be strong for each other and take it day by day.

[differentcountries]

Planning the next visit really helps. Then you can do a count-down and have a little fun with it, and prepare for the journey, gifts you will bring etc.
Otherwise just living your life, staying/getting busy, and make the most of your life.

[squeeker]

You two are close enough that I'm sure you will be able to make plans to see each other within a few months, and it will go by quickly if you can keep yourself busy. The more you can webcam, leave it running and involve the other person in your life and be involved in their life, the closer they will feel even if they are far away.. Focus on the positives, that you have someone to love and who loves you even from far away. Also.. if you can't set an exact date, even knowing an estimate, like 'in the summer' or 'in August' or 'by Christmas' can help a lot! Just keep strong you will get through this!

[piratemama]

Yes, I'm afraid this is exactly what happens after your SO leaves. It hurts beyond words, but it does get a little easier each day. When my SO and I were together for a week, it was heaven. I felt some of what you did. The last morning I was very worried that I'd cry at the airport when he left. I didn't want to make it harder for him, because he felt bad that we couldn't stay together. God gave me some amazing strength, and I didn't fall apart until he left. He cried at the airport and wondered how I was staying strong. I did it for him. I cried for hours after, though. The first few days after were bad, too, but it started getting to where I cried less each day. I still cry sometimes, like Valentine's. I manage to keep it together in front of him (on Skype) most of the time, though.

You are normal, and your pain is because you love him. If you didn't care, you wouldn't hurt. Try to work on staying connected with him somehow. I feel better if I'm doing something for my SO, even if it is as simple as searching for an ecard to send him. I live for the moments he calls and Skypes.

I'm glad you had some wonderful time together, and you will have more. Hang in there.

[Sanja]

I'm sorry that you are having such a hard time. I visited my SO and left him behind. It is one if the hardest things we do. Try to think of all the great times you had while he was there. Communicate as much as you can and just hang in there.

[kikidee]

The time after visits always hurt the most, and I think the more you visit and leave you get used to it. It still hurts after every visit, but you start to know how to take care of yourself better. Stay busy with other things you like to do. Make skype dates, like others have said- plan the next time together and what you want to do. Maybe make a list of things you want to accomplish together.
You obviously aren't that close but I do think close enough to drive on a long weekend at least. You should try to do that!

[alittlemind]

I've never been the one who has been "left behind", as I am always the one to leave, but it is still very difficult. I've seen how much it hurts my SO for him to see me walk away and force myself to get on that plane, and of course for both of us it is terribly heartbreaking. After a few days, or sometimes weeks, though, when you get back into your normal routine, it gets better. You're allowed to be sad, of course, just make sure you don't spend too long dwelling in it. You'll see him again one day, don't you worry. In the meantime, best wishes to you both

[pretty ll vacant]

It's really hard after the first time. You get a taste of what you've been craving this whole time, just to have it whisked away from you in what seems like the blink of an eye. Things do get better, I promise. Your situation reminds me so much of mine as me and my BF often part ways not knowing when we will see each other again. However, I like to think about the future and what it holds for us and it eases off the sadness to know that the distance is only a temporary thing. As for you guys trading things with each others scents that's not weird or too much to me at all! In fact, my BF and I did the exact same thing but with each others pillows lol. We have come to collect a lot of each others clothes over time as well. It's nice to know that he keeps space for me in his closet. I hope you're feeling a little bit better by now, if you ever want or need to talk you can always inbox me

[OnlyAReplica]

Well I think this is the third day, stopped counting honestly because it depressed me something fierce, and I cry a little less every day I notice. We are pretty much in constant contact with each other through texting, skype and the game we play together and he promised that if it got too hard and I needed to call him I can. We've started to fiddle around with the next date for him to be here and decided that a bit longer then a week this time instead of only three days. We talked about him coming over the summer since he's a teacher and generally teachers are off during the summer so then we'd have more time to plan things out right and me properly take time off work. That seems to ease my mind a lot more knowing that possibly in three months time I get to be with him again.

[mellif]

Wow haha, for me and my SO, I'm the one in LA and he's the one in Arizona. I felt the same exact way you did when my SO left after our Christmas visit (3 nights, 4 days). It was our second visit, but considerably longer than our first visit (18 hours). I couldn't stop crying, and felt the loneliest I ever had in a while. Some days, it's still hard for us-- we always remind each other of how much we miss each other, and wish we could hold each other. It's never easy, but it does get easier. Stay busy, and I'm sure those 3 months will go by faster than you think