need some help/someone to talk to

[ChrisJH]

I'm currently in Vietnam. I made the trip out here to see my partner who I have chatted with almost every day with for over 7 months. this is my first visit. Things have not gone well she works most of the day but it's from her home where I'm at we have not really been able to talk and when we have it's sort of been stilted. She said I'm boring because I've not done much while here but since the point of the visit was so we could spend time together is it not unresonable to want to do things together with your partner.

So I'm posting this here to ask for any help or at least to talk with someone else I'm stuck here until the 22nd of march.

[ChrisJH]

I tried to talk again, now I really don't know what to do she says we can just be friends and I can stay here until the flight. Is this a nightmare.

[Riyko]

If she isn't willing to communicate with you and is saying you two can be friends she might be telling you it's over and if that's the case and you don't want to stay until March 22nd you can always ask the airline to change your flight to an earlier date.

I'm sorry you are going through this, the only thing i can really suggest is sit her down and have a serious talk about what your relationship status is and then go from there.

[ChrisJH]

I've tried she just stays slient. This hurts so much.

Up to the very day I travelled we were both happy. When I met her at the airport we were a little shy but as time went on I was sort of ignored or at least felt ignored while she worked on her laptop next to me.

[OperaDiva]

Why don't you go out and explore the city on your own? Get a tourist guide or a map somewhere and go find something to do. Then you can have something to talk about when you come back to her and you can also suggest something for the two of you to do together - go to a museum, etc. Even if this is not going to be a romantic relationship does not mean that the trip should be! Vietnam is a fascinating place, don't miss out while waiting for a relationship to materialize

[squeeker]

Aww noo! That sucks! Have you tried to do things for her, like make her a meal while she works or ask to rub her back or suggest things to do together?

If she is acting like that, then something tells me that maybe she feels she might want to give up on it.

Though maybe it's possible she is just really shy and since you have only known each other less than a year maybe she just needs more time to warm up, more reassurance? Though I think you maybe have tried these things already. I hope you can have a serious discussion about it soon because you need to know where she stands on it.. also maybe ask if she is feeling scared because maybe it's her first relationship and she doesn't know what to do so she is becoming more distant to you? I think the only way you can solve this is trying to talk to her more.. maybe try different approaches if you haven't already.. try asking what kinds of things she would like to do or places she might want to show you or places she would like to see with you.. ask about what kinds of food she might like to eat.. I don't know if you or her cook or if you go out to eat.. but just try and ask her more questions about what she wants... and try and see if you can make them happen... hopefully she communicates. If she doesn't open up even if you try many things to get her to, that is really strange and I don't really know what to suggest. I hope you can have a talk before you leave and get things sorted out.. I love hearing about relationships working out!!

[AussieAmericanGirl66]

Well, since you are there until the 22nd, you might as well go out and play tourist. Ask her for some ideas on popular attractions, places to eat, shopping places, etc. She might even decide to be your tour guide, or at least have dinner with you, and then you could talk, too. If not, at least you will have a more interesting holiday than just sitting there bored while she works. I hope it all works out for you.

[AussieAmericanGirl66]

Why don't you go out and explore the city on your own? Get a tourist guide or a map somewhere and go find something to do. Then you can have something to talk about when you come back to her and you can also suggest something for the two of you to do together - go to a museum, etc. Even if this is not going to be a romantic relationship does not mean that the trip should be! Vietnam is a fascinating place, don't miss out while waiting for a relationship to materialize

I guess great minds think alike. I totally missed your comment, and wrote one of my own, similar to yours. I agree with you about the tourism, and finding things to do with or without her.

[differentcountries]

I am sorry to hear that you struggle. I wonder, when she says you have not done anything yet : it could mean she is not used to having someone in the house while she is working. You sound like you don't enjoy watching her work (and was rather hoping she should not be working much through your stay). You could be a tourist on your own, exploring the place as well as to make sure to cook for her and otherwise take care of her. Did you ever try to find out what were her expectations of the visit? I bet working girl is feeling quite ignored herself.

[AussieAmericanGirl66]

Aww noo! That sucks! Have you tried to do things for her, like make her a meal while she works or ask to rub her back or suggest things to do together?

If she is acting like that, then something tells me that maybe she feels she might want to give up on it.

Though maybe it's possible she is just really shy and since you have only known each other less than a year maybe she just needs more time to warm up, more reassurance? Though I think you maybe have tried these things already. I hope you can have a serious discussion about it soon because you need to know where she stands on it.. also maybe ask if she is feeling scared because maybe it's her first relationship and she doesn't know what to do so she is becoming more distant to you? I think the only way you can solve this is trying to talk to her more.. maybe try different approaches if you haven't already.. try asking what kinds of things she would like to do or places she might want to show you or places she would like to see with you.. ask about what kinds of food she might like to eat.. I don't know if you or her cook or if you go out to eat.. but just try and ask her more questions about what she wants... and try and see if you can make them happen... hopefully she communicates. If she doesn't open up even if you try many things to get her to, that is really strange and I don't really know what to suggest. I hope you can have a talk before you leave and get things sorted out.. I love hearing about relationships working out!!

I agree with all your suggestions. I had thought about the aspects of eating out and going places, but I hadn't thought about why she might be feeling the way she is. Good insights.

[ChrisJH]

I would cook something but this is a one room flat with attached bathroom. People living here rely on street cooks or pre packaged meal. Also a back rub is out of the question on the day I landed and the day after when I asked if I we could hug she said no, I'm not going within reach of her I'm sitting at the other end of the room. Honestly I think too much has been said now to salvage anything. I just want to not be here anymore I thought of going exploring but I don't think i can enjoy it at the moment.

[differentcountries]

It sounds like like you need for things to change. You may try to change your ticket or at get somewhere else to stay during the visit.

[squeeker]

I would cook something but this is a one room flat with attached bathroom. People living here rely on street cooks or pre packaged meal. Also a back rub is out of the question on the day I landed and the day after when I asked if I we could hug she said no, I'm not going within reach of her I'm sitting at the other end of the room. Honestly I think too much has been said now to salvage anything. I just want to not be here anymore I thought of going exploring but I don't think i can enjoy it at the moment.

Aww well that kind of seems like it was all too fast. Maybe it is best to just be friends right now.. she might be more comfortable with that.. it would be maybe nice for you to do touristy things.. but if you really need to maybe it's best for you to try and change your ticket for sooner. I don't know what to suggest. I don't know her, whether it's just her feeling anxious about a new situation and things or what so I'm not one to say whether what's right or not. I do know that people do get into relationships that don't work out so you do what you feel is best.

[TwoThree]

That is just a terrible situation to be in I'm so sorry you're going through this

Obviously you've been given great advice, but let me reiterate: either try to get your tickets changed if it's financially possible, or make the most of your stay. You have flown all the way from Wales to a country you have not visited before (right?) so just get out there and explore whatever the city has to offer. You could go to bars and try to meet new people, at the very least other tourists that you could join in their daily activities? Try to get out of the city, too.

As for your "SO", obviously it didn't work out and you just have to forget her. If it's too hard to stay with her, try to book yourself a room in a hostel.

You need to turn this nightmare into a positive experience. Good luck and be safe

[blueorchid1]

Obviously you've been given great advice, but let me reiterate: either try to get your tickets changed if it's financially possible, or make the most of your stay. You have flown all the way from Wales to a country you have not visited before (right?) so just get out there and explore whatever the city has to offer. You could go to bars and try to meet new people, at the very least other tourists that you could join in their daily activities? Try to get out of the city, too.

As for your "SO", obviously it didn't work out and you just have to forget her. If it's too hard to stay with her, try to book yourself a room in a hostel.

You need to turn this nightmare into a positive experience. Good luck and be safe

I think this is the bet advice! Seriously! You have teaveled so far, and obviously you planned to stay for such a long time because maybe it was just easier that way? Why not make this the best situation you can?
Yeah you said you don't feel like getting out there and enjoying the city because you're upset...but like Two Three suggests, I say go check out some bars, or touristy places and maybe you'll meet a group of people that have simialar interests as you!

If you have tried everything you can with the person you flew to visit, I say her loss. Maybe if she's sees you trying to get out their despite the situation she'll realize that she's not really helping the situation by not interacting with you.


Whatever you decide to do, I say be safe and try your best to have fun! No sense in spending all that money to go on holiday and havongnit wasted on an early trip home (and a fee to change your flights home)