The Men of LFAD

[xanzbarr]

Im going to get trounced here i know it, but I havent had a problem with anything these men have said. For one thing I believe men are different than women, simply because they are men! I certainly wouldnt be in a relationship with my SO if he was female! Nothing against Lesbians either...I happen to like men. And [I] do think there has been entirely too much time taken up in this thread with people feeling like they must defend themselves..men and women.Let the men speak. Speak men about relationship issues like communication and support and questions about how to handle problems that come up. Or your last game on TV you watched..whatever. Men do have a different viewpoint sometimes and I for one think I might learn something if I listened to a male point of view! All that said..I love all of you and you've all been a big help to me while I have been in my LDR.

[iamj]

Trying to meet two times (~2*7days) before I have to leave to another continent (and she comes with me for four weeks). That will be in four month. It's about 3 month since I had to leave her.

you travel a lot! consultant?

[iamj]

I only have that problem when my SO is in a shitty mood and doesn't seem to be interested in talking about anything.

My biggest difficulty is the silence. With that I mean the periods when we don't talk, either because we're both doing something different or because one of us feels the need to retreat and get some space. I can't help but overthink during such moments.

It's worse when my SO and I end a conversation on bad terms. Then I usually keep thinking about what she might be thinking. I keep asking myself questions; What have I done wrong? What should I have done differently? Can I fix this? Does she think about me right now? Is she still mad? What is she doing? When will she talk with me again? Will she still be angry when we're gonna talk again? It's quite maddening sometimes.

I also find it really difficult when I see my SO is suffering (she's going through a rough patch right now). She's not really the kind of person who can be supported with words. Often when she's feeling down, she retreats back into her shell and just doesn't really want to talk. I know that all she needs is someone to give her a kiss and a hug and take her out to do something, an actual activity, outdoors, away from the computer. It's something I really want to do but just can't because we're LDR and our communication is limited to texting and Skyping.

I do ok with silence, but totally feel you regarding SO in a bad mood, ending conversation on bad terms and SO suffering. (More often than not it's a combination of them so it's like 2x as worse!) Unfortunately the only thing that's really worked is to respect her way of handling things and suck it up on my end. I think if you see each other more often (we're at ~every 2 months) you might be able to try and make up for these times later on?

[Kanga]

Im going to get trounced here i know it, but I havent had a problem with anything these men have said. For one thing I believe men are different than women, simply because they are men! I certainly wouldnt be in a relationship with my SO if he was female! Nothing against Lesbians either...I happen to like men. And [I] do think there has been entirely too much time taken up in this thread with people feeling like they must defend themselves..men and women.Let the men speak. Speak men about relationship issues like communication and support and questions about how to handle problems that come up. Or your last game on TV you watched..whatever. Men do have a different viewpoint sometimes and I for one think I might learn something if I listened to a male point of view! All that said..I love all of you and you've all been a big help to me while I have been in my LDR.

I agree with this. I haven't been offended not once, by anything a male in this thread has said.

[Chillosaurus]

[..].I love all of you[...]

Love you too.

you travel a lot! consultant?

No, student!

[AussieAmericanGirl66]

I agree with this. I haven't been offended not once, by anything a male in this thread has said.

I haven't been offended, either. Actually, I'm already getting valuable insights, just by observing quietly, not posting much, just letting them talk. Feeling like I need to do that more with my guy...just listen when he talks, and try not to interrupt him.

[freakydeakydutchdude]

You mean physical?

Sadly I haven't been physically together with my SO yet. But we plan on changing that this summer or during the autumn break in October.

And you?

Basically we've been seeing each other on and off for 3 months at a time for a couple of years now. Right now we're trying to extend that by being in a country foreign to both of us. Damn immigration laws.

[iamj]

No, student!

where at? i'm also a student!

[Luc]

Also a student here.

Game Architecture & Design, majoring in 3D Visual Art.

[freakydeakydutchdude]

Former student.

[piratemama]

You had a good idea, and I was looking forward to quietly listening and getting some insight on how the men on this site think and feel, to maybe understand my own a bit better. Unfortunately, it seems to have become a battle of words, rather than a respectful dialogue. Too much drama, to hear anyone.

I appreciated Hollandia starting this thread and was anxious to hear from the men. When I post a thread, I often want to hear the guy's point of view more than I do. I've actually enjoyed the comments from the men on the forum and this thread. It's a good idea, and I can't get why people don't like it. When I come across a thread that bothers me, I simply ignore it. I hope more men will start exchanging thoughts and ideas here. It's sad that people come to feel uncomfortable here.

[iamj]

Also a student here.

Game Architecture & Design, majoring in 3D Visual Art.

that sounds awesome dude. what are you making now?

Former student.

haha, at the risk of offending the never-students, weren't we all students at one point?

[freakydeakydutchdude]

haha, at the risk of offending the never-students, weren't we all students at one point?

Most of us. I was one up till about two months ago though.

[Ahava]

I'm glad to see this thread is starting to serve it's purpose after the many pages of hiccups it had to start with.

And as many others have stated I am also looking forward to learning about the ways men think about things

I have a question for all you guys that is current in my life as my man left back home today and it is on my mind. How do you feel/think/manage saying good bye and the distanse? I asked him today and he said he handles it well because he know's there is always a next time.
(My brain knows we will see each other again in three to four months but it still doesn't stop me from having a melt down when I get back home from the airport and close the door.)

[iamj]

I asked him today and he said he handles it well because he know's there is always a next time.
(My brain knows we will see each other again in three to four months but it still doesn't stop me from having a melt down when I get back home from the airport and close the door.)

I"m exactly the same way as your guy. I think part of it is our mind trying to stay positive in a situation we can't control. And the other half is being strong because we're trying to help you stay positive as well -- if i showed how sad I was, it would probably only make the situation worse?