How do you deal...?

[nerdgasm42]

So I spent four amazing days with my SO before coming home and returning to my normal, monotonous life. This is the second time, and I'm struggling so hard. I'm wondering how others deal with it. Is there anything you find that helps? I'm trying to stay busy and stay positive. The goal is that I should graduate in August of 2015 with my bachelor's and then we can close the distance.

But how do you deal with being alone again after having a little taste of heaven?

[msnew007]

I've been in an LDR for 6 months now so I'm new to this. Every time we part ways it's really hard on me also. I do what you're doing and stay very busy and I pray for strength.

[squeeker]

Well, it's always the hardest right after a visit, until you get more used to the LDR again. Though there are still times that are exceptionally harder than others. Like you said you are trying to do, keep busy with things, and also talk to each other lots, especially Skype (or other video chatting software) because it's the second best thing to being in person. Remember you are still together and can talk to each other and be apart of each other's lives, send each other pictures. Try and put a positive spin on it.. try 'It's ONLY a little over a year before I graduate and we can look towards closing the distance!!!" Even if it seems far away, trying that spin can help.. but don't focus too much on that time, just let it pass. Also remembering that you would rather talk to him online and see him online than not be with him at all. Or you'd rather stick it out and see him and close the distance in August 2015 than end it and not be with him at all. Long distance relationships are not all flowers and roses, and have their tough moments, ESPECIALLY right after a visit, so take your time with things, and ease back into the things you did before the visit, maybe with a different twist on things. If you aren't able to talk everyday for some reason, scheduling video chatting sessions would be a good idea to keep up the communication. And stay strong!

[Jaac]

What Squeeker says is true. It's always the harderst right after you've visited.
You will get used to it eventually. What I mean is actually: eventually you will have more 'good days' than 'bad days'.
I've been in an LDR for a little over a year now and it's not easy. I probably won't see him until october and that's still like half a year. If I focus on those 6 MONTHS, I drive myself crazy. I just let the time pass and I do what I have to do (go to Uni, go to work, study) and what I like to do (meet up with friends, work out, draw).
Especially right after a visit I can't stop thinking about him and missing him. It almost feels like if I don't feel sad because I miss him, it's like I don't care. If that makes sense.
Just don't think about the time and realise that waiting for him to text you and feeling misserable because you miss him makes the time go SOOOOOOOO SLOW. You will just feel depressed and it just won't do any good.

If you've survived the first month or so after the visit, you will have your own routine again and you will get used to the distance.
I still have my up and down days.
The one day everything seems perfect and I am excited to do the things I want to do in summer and see him after that.
The other day I feel down because he doesn't text me back for hours or I don't feel like he's giving me enough attention and it's still gonna be 6 months before I see him again.

It's true what they all say, you know. An LDR is hard. You just need to find your own way to cope with it.
And time will pass, no matter what. When you see each other again, it will feel like you've never been apart!

[nerdgasm42]

Thank you so much for the advice and kind words Squeeker and Jaac. I knew it wouldn't be easy, and so did he, but we both don't have a single doubt that it's worth it. Ending it has never once crossed my mind - it's just so difficult to pull myself out of the slump. He's so strong and doesn't show the hurt like I do. I'll admit that at first I was a little taken aback by it, because it felt like I was the only one who felt that way. Then I realized he is just being strong for both of us. The night before I left I couldn't quit crying so he just held me close and talked to me, reminding me about how amazing our future is going to be, and how short this year will be in the grand scheme of things. He truly is an amazing man.

It's just making that transition back is so bumpy. Both times we have both been away from home, and this last visit truly was like a vacation. I don't know if that makes it harder, or easier. It's always hard to go back to your normal routine after a vacation anyways, let alone from one where you finally feel complete. But then again, at least when I go to bed at night I'm not instantly reminded of the time spent in his arms. I don't know. I think I'm rambling a little.

Long story short, it's just hard and I guess I just needed what y'all are providing - people to share the feelings with that understand. Those who haven't done the LDR thing just don't get it. So thanks for being friendly <3

[TaraMarie]

I know that feeling. I always cry the night before.... And I don't want to sleep because I don't want to miss a minute. You are normal!

[RedWhirlwind]

As the others said, it's always hard to leave your love. It doesn't really get easier each time - for me, it's harder every time actually. But I just accept that it is what is and I have to keep going and focus on my life here and now. I look forward to the calls and skypeing between visits. I think our communication is the best I've ever had in a relationship because of being long distance. Communication is all we have and helped us fall in love.

I think the hardest thing with my fiance and I has been that it is always one of us going to see the other. So one of is still working and has a life/friends to attend to while the other is essentially 'on vacation' and waiting around on the one who is working. That can make the visits awkward at times.

[nerdgasm42]

Red -

Thank you for your advice I understand completely what you're saying about communication. It's such a huge deal in any relationship, but even more so in a LDR because like you said, that's all you have, at least at first. I was very lucky to find a many who communicates so openly about everything - even things I sometimes don't want to talk about for whatever reason (lol). We even Skype when we go to bed! We both have a laptop set up next to our bed so we fall asleep and wake up together. It's nice being able to start our mornings off seeing each other and saying I love you.

I haven't had to deal as much with one person being on vacation. We both have weekends off, so when we see each other it's been long weekends. This past time he was in Mississippi for training (he's Air Force) and I flew down and we kind of had a vacation together. I think each situation has it's problems, but I guess what matters is that we make the most of it!

At first, as I said, I was kind of sad that he didn't seem to be affected as much as me. But he told me yesterday as he was cleaning up and packing to go back home from training he saw a water bottle I had left and was instantly sad. I melted! I seriously love this man so much.

I'm hoping that next week will be easier. Both of our routines will be back to normal, so I think there will be some comfort in that. And hopefully we won't have to go too terribly long before seeing each other again. I just gotta keep looking forward - hopefully August 2015 we will close the distance and never look back.

<3 you all. Thanks for being so wonderful, and so supportive.