Advice Regarding a Girl That I Met Online Recently

[Arhat]

Thanks unconditional. Things seem to be going really well.

[Arhat]

I can understand why that is hard for you. I have a male friend that I go camping with, it used to be monthly (when we were going to do research stuff) but now it's maybe once or twice a year because it was difficult for my fiance. But it really is completely innocent, we both have similar interests in the outdoors, but there is absolutely no feeling of attachment at all for me. Before I just used to let my fiance know that I was going, and now I make sure that I ask first, so that he knows I have his feelings in mind.

A friend of hers told me that this guy is the boyfriend of her best friend. I feel silly now, I should deal with this kind of thing better from now on.

[merlinkitty]

Haha! my mom has sayings about everything. One of them is "If you find yourself sneaking, you're probably not doing the right thing." I agree with this most of the time The fact that she's being open with you and not hiding it makes me think it's really nothing If I were being a sneaky, I wouldn't have mentioned it to you at all

[Arhat]

Well, I guess it's not like we're an item or anything yet. So I guess it's normal for her to refer to me as her friend as well.

[Arhat]

Haha! my mom has sayings about everything. One of them is "If you find yourself sneaking, you're probably not doing the right thing." I agree with this most of the time The fact that she's being open with you and not hiding it makes me think it's really nothing If I were being a sneaky, I wouldn't have mentioned it to you at all

You're absolutely right, Merlinkitty. Things seem to be going really well between us.

[Arhat]

...

You're absolutely right, Merlinkitty. Things seem to be going really well between us.

sorry to bother you kind people with this again. I spoke to her a a week ago, and she apologized for having been busy at work, she now has a new boss and there have been changes there, so she has more of a workload for the next two weeks. Incidentally, this friend of hers has arrived at her place 5 days ago. And she said to me that she wouldn't be online as much, as she didn't think it was polite to do whilst she had a guest, but nevertheless, that she'd really miss talking to me while she's away. She has written to me almost each day and sent funny photos to me, which shows she's thinking of me i guess. part of me thinks, it's probably perfectly innocent, and things might work out well for us once we meet. She said, "my friend brought some absinthe with him, we'll get drunk this weekend", very reassuring as you can imagine lol... So she's visited her family and friends this weekend which is a 10 hour drive from her city, and asked to take monday off so that it gives her chance to get back i'm guessing. I can't help the thought that this chap will most likely be accompanying her. And what's more is, I really hope that the guy isn't who I think it is.

[merlinkitty]

I saw your first edit, Arhat I was thinking about this before I responded, but I would suggest letting the ideas floating in your head drop. I still stick with what I said before, and just remember that she's telling you what she's up to Really at this stage, you can't ask for more than that I know it probably goes counter to how you feel, but letting her make her own judgments and decisions goes a long way to show the trust you have for her, as she's shown that she has for you That's part of the nature of the beast with LDRs, patience and trust has to be a factor or nothing will work Just hang tight and enjoy the fact that she's still taking the time to get in touch with you despite her current busy schedule

[Arhat]

I saw your first edit, Arhat I was thinking about this before I responded, but I would suggest letting the ideas floating in your head drop. I still stick with what I said before, and just remember that she's telling you what she's up to Really at this stage, you can't ask for more than that I know it probably goes counter to how you feel, but letting her make her own judgments and decisions goes a long way to show the trust you have for her, as she's shown that she has for you That's part of the nature of the beast with LDRs, patience and trust has to be a factor or nothing will work Just hang tight and enjoy the fact that she's still taking the time to get in touch with you despite her current busy schedule

lol, yes you're right, merlinkitty. I think I perhaps overreacted. I just think it would be a shame, because I think we have the beginning of something special, but if it's so, then so be it. I think I still have some remaining issues of jealousy because in my last relationship the girl was unfaithful to me. I know that I have it in me to let them drop completely.

[merlinkitty]

I know what you mean my last guy was pretty bad too lol I can't count how many times he screwed around on me and I didn't know lol or I guess I was just willfully ignorant It's taken a lot on my part to try and put that part of my life behind me I'll admit, my green dragon comes out to play more than I'd like, but I do understand the impulse. If there are things you'd like to vent about, please do sometimes it helps to get things off your chest. I started my journal back up again and it's been a wonderful place for me to get all my ugly feelings out without hurting anyone's feelings in the process. I think as you continue to work on this issue and learn to trust each other more, you won't be feeling so insecure about it all

[Arhat]

I know what you mean my last guy was pretty bad too lol I can't count how many times he screwed around on me and I didn't know lol or I guess I was just willfully ignorant It's taken a lot on my part to try and put that part of my life behind me I'll admit, my green dragon comes out to play more than I'd like, but I do understand the impulse. If there are things you'd like to vent about, please do sometimes it helps to get things off your chest. I started my journal back up again and it's been a wonderful place for me to get all my ugly feelings out without hurting anyone's feelings in the process. I think as you continue to work on this issue and learn to trust each other more, you won't be feeling so insecure about it all

I can completely understand that merlinkitty. For me it's not about possession or seeing a woman as property, I like to think of it as being loyal and having shared reciprocity. I do feel that I deal with jealousy much better than I did in the past, because I don't express it in person like I would've done at one time.

It's a very nice idea that of the journal, I haven't thought of doing one of those before.

P.S, I since found out that it wasn't the guy that I thought it was afterall

I just wanted to say, I'm really grateful for all of the encouraging responses that you sent recently. I know I must have come across as a bit of a nut recently with airing my concerns via this forum lol, I'm the kind of guy that keeps these things to himself in real life. But I'm really positive about things going well between myself and her. hopefully I will have some good news to share with you all in the coming months.

[merlinkitty]

P.S, I since found out that it wasn't the guy that I thought it was afterall

Ha! Let this be a lesson to you, mister no sense getting yourself so worked up hahaha

I just wanted to say, I'm really grateful for all of the encouraging responses that you sent recently. I know I must have come across as a bit of a nut recently with airing my concerns via this forum lol, I'm the kind of guy that keeps these things to himself in real life. But I'm really positive about things going well between myself and her. hopefully I will have some good news to share with you all in the coming months.

If you're a nut, then we're all nuts lol I am incredibly private normally, but I have appreciated everyone here being able to lend an ear and support as needed. It's been great to be able to air concerns here before I go off the deep end so keep it coming, would love to hear how things progress with you two

[Arhat]

Ha! Let this be a lesson to you, mister no sense getting yourself so worked up hahaha



If you're a nut, then we're all nuts lol I am incredibly private normally, but I have appreciated everyone here being able to lend an ear and support as needed. It's been great to be able to air concerns here before I go off the deep end so keep it coming, would love to hear how things progress with you two

I appreciate that Merlinkitty, and also the kind messages from everyone.

Yeah, the guy wasn't who I thought it was in the end, but still, she must've known him for awhile. She has had male friends stay over at her place in the past before, I'm aware of this. When we spoke awhile ago, she sent me photos from a night out, and I never said anything about one photo of her and a male friend that had asked her to dance. and she said to me, without any inquiry on my part: "this is my best friend, sometimes it's awkward when they are like your brother", maybe it was her way of assuring me that she is not interested in other men romantically, and that she's interested in me. Who knows. Just the whole debacle made me question everything.

So anyway, we've sent each other intermittent messages, while she's been busy the last two weeks, she's had this friend of hers visit for the last two weeks. It made me question how she sees me at all, because i know that she's gone to visit family and friends, and i betting that this guy has tagged along as well, she took two days off work as it takes her awhile to travel back to her city. So you can imagine what was going through my mind about what his relationship is to her etc. But anyway, it makes me just want to forget the whole thing sometimes, when I'm in such a mood, nothing in life is ever simple. So she said numerous times over the last few days how much she missed talking to me etc, and that she would have time to finally have to talk to me on saturday. And that when I visit her in september, she'll try and get some days off to spend with me. So tonight came around, and something told me not to bother going online, as she'll be too busy to talk anyway. Safe to say I was right, and didn't bother to speak to her other than the brief message. I know that I shouldn't take it to heart, but it's hard.

The thing is, when I really feel strongly for a woman, I want to give her my all, and show her how much she means to me. I admit I have my issues sometimes, as my life hasn't been a bed of roses(whose life has, right?). Just sometimes when things happen like this, my ego takes over, when I feel that my devotion isn't reciprocated I become incredibly cold. The thing is, it's easier for her, because she has a life and future there. I have nothing here, all I have is clinging on to the hope that I'll be able to leave here, one way or another, in the near future. My only chance of a life rests on the chance that I'm able to go there - that's how desperate my situation is. I can't do anything or enjoy my 'life' (prison sentence) here for the time being,because I have to save up money so that I can leave here, and that's my only option in life. It infuriates me just the extent that life has been made impossible for men like me in this country. I just feel like I'm 29 years old now with nothing to show for it, and now if i finally get over there either on a temporary visa or as a student (again) my life has probably passed me by anyway it's been one disaster after another and any prospects of me having a decent life have been wrecked by this fucking country

My bruised ego and diva like behaviour comes to the forefront often lol. I'm sorry to bother you with this once again, it's becoming like my journal lol. But I'm glad of a place where I can I air my concerns, just as you said. I just feel ambivalent feelings currently. a lot of positive synchronicities have occurred recently to make it possible for me to have a nice trip there soon, so maybe it will all be worth it in the end.

Above all though, I just feel like I have the beginning of something special between us, and a good feeling about her.

[Ahava]

Hey, where abouts in the UK do you live?
And why do you hate (is that too strong of a word) your home country so much?
I am just curious as I am quite involved with the country in many ways.

[Arhat]

Hey, where abouts in the UK do you live?
And why do you hate (is that too strong of a word) your home country so much?
I am just curious as I am quite involved with the country in many ways.

I'm from the north, close to Manchester. The way the economy has gone has impacted my life and education in a big way. I then decided to retrain and open my own business, which was very successful, and then last year I had to close this as well due to the economy, recently I was also made redundant a new job that I got, and it's been incredibly difficult to find any kind of work here to save up, especially unskilled because of migrants.

Oh no, hate isn't too much of a strong word lol, sometimes I harbour too much of it for the way it's gone here these last 15 years, I don't feel that it is the same country anymore. It's forgotten about completely the native working-class people, brushed us aside because of their federalist agenda. I just feel all sense of community has been lost in this country, there is no future in sight for it, because they've destroyed what was once the backbone of it. I could probably write a book about it, but I don't feel like I belong here deep down, and for 10 years I've wanted to leave.

[Ahava]

My SO lives a couple of hours from Manchester.
My dad is from Kent but left the country as soon as he could LOL (Finland wasn't his number 1 destination, but he ended up here and decided to stay for us because of the education system).

Bad economy seems to be the swear word everywhere nowadays
Here you can read in the paper about companies having to lay of people nearly on a daily basis.
A couple of close friends of mine have been unemployed (both have a bachelors or a masters education) for a couple of years now and actively trying to find a job.