Open Invitation to Group for those whose SO is Taken by somebody else

[Moon]

I don't agree with AAG's relationship choices either, but she is in an LDR of a sort, and she DOES have the right to create a group for like-minded people, and she does have as much right as anyone else to be here. If you don't like what she's doing, put her on ignore and move on. It's not right to call someone out publicly because they're in a relationship you don't agree with, THAT goes against what this forum is about.

This is a global forum, full of people with differing opinions and lifestyles, we won't always agree with everyone and their choices, and if there are those whose choices are offensive to you, ignore them. There is no need to get nasty about it. I don't think that differently than you do, but it's not up to me to police people's lives. Live and let live.

[Elizabeth123]

The fact is that life doesn't always fit nicely into neat little boxes, and nothing is black and white.

While this is true - I feel strongly you are lying to yourself.
If your SO is already in a relationship WITH children then he is cheating on his spouse and you at the same time.
Why would he suddenly change his behavior if he left his spouse?
He might decide to be with you and start another LDR with a third person....would YOU accept (yet again) another person into your relationship?

[snow]

Sorry DC, I keep forgetting about polyamory. Scratch the monogamous from my post.

[differentcountries]

You are right in that we don't know the specifics, but that is because you never share any. Cheating is one thing, but lying over years is a way of life, and also part of the personality of the man you hope to share your life with. I hope your group can be a place where people can find some solutions and not just consolation. It is easy to be moralistic when you dont have the specific problem, or when solutions come easier to you. Still it is hard to read your posts these days, because openness is so very important to me and you share the joys of your secrecy.

[snow]

I don't judge you on your personal choices, nor do I judge other people on their choices, but I do not agree with wanting to have more people cheat on their partners, throwing it into the faces of monogamous people as if being with one partner and staying loyal is "having rigid moralistic viewpoints".

[OperaDiva]

Your posts from the past few weeks have made me so angry that I considered leaving the forum. And I still might do just that, but not before I told you how I feel. The fact that you call somebody's family a “complication” for your affair is beyond appalling. A family, with children, is not something secondary to your desires and ego, and the fact that you consider and paint yourself as a victim is beyond immoral.

To be clear, this is not “rigid morals”, this is a statement of fact – you are willingly and continuously (for 4 years!) aiding the destruction and undermining of somebody's family. You choose, day after day, for years, to participate in a lie that goes against commitment and the health and happiness of children. Don't get me wrong, he is guilty, he is a lier and a manipulator, but so are you. The worst part is that you don't even realise what you are doing, you don't even realize how you are hurting so many people, just because it makes you feel better. As a matter of fact I put myself in a similar situation (there were no kids though) for about 2 weeks, but I was 21, and I got out as soon as I understood the consequences of my actions. You are even hurting yourself, by making excuses for whatever crappy treatment he gives you because he strokes your ego and you feel good in the short moments you are together in some fashion. Regardless of your “twin flames theory”, there is no excuse in the world for willingly hurting other human beings by lying and manipulating, and there is no love to be found with a man that blames you for him being married. If he wanted to be with you and spare the feelings of his wife and kids then he would not be lying to them. I am not going to analyse your obviously poor self-esteem because this is not what makes me angry.

The thing that insults me for real is that you are flaunting your choices, as if there is any excuse or morality in what you are doing. You look for commiseration, you create a group, as if there is any wisdom or goodness to be found by legitimizing affairs. I joined this forum because it is clean, because there is compassion and because there is honesty. But your group and your statements insult my morals and I will not accepts this with silence or maybe even by staying here. If your so-called “group” grows or if there is any defense of you I will certainly leave because I do not want to be part of a community that condones this sort of behavior, even with its silence. There is, after all, one of the things that is black and white for me - I do not want to be a part of a group that condones and accepts cheating, lying and hurting other people, especially children.

[AussieAmericanGirl66]

In the International Forum, we have been having a discussion about the challenges, frustrations and pain of being with someone who, for whatever the reason, is taken by someone else. Some of us decided we needed a group for this, so I created LDR Love Affairs. I have several topics up and am creating more, but don't have many members yet. So I would like to invite others who are in this situation. I feel that we need a place to share our experiences and support each other without judgment or criticism from those who don't understand, or have rigid moralistic viewpoints. The fact is that life doesn't always fit nicely into neat little boxes, and nothing is black and white.

Please join us. Check us out at https://members.lovingfromadistance....hp?groupid=162. Or just click on Groups and look for us:

LDR Love Affairs.

Hope we can get the group growing.