Would this bother you?

[whatruckus]

Yes, it would bother me that he says he doesn't have the time to talk to me but makes time for my friends that he knew through me. I've had this happen before and I ended up stop being friends with all of the people who did that.

I don't understand why you would stop being friends with them if your SO was the one talking to them, and making time for them instead of you. It's not really their fault...

[whatruckus]

I agree with this. My guy tends to fall asleep on me at least once a week, if not twice. If he's out with his friends, I don't expect to hear from him at all then, either. While it's great to have some sort of communication everyday, it's not always realistic, sometimes life just gets in the way. Also, instead of focusing so much on the quantity of communication, maybe the quality of it should be the important thing here.

I'm lmao because we posted basically the same thing, at like the same time. Hahaha.

[whatruckus]

I agree with snow. You can't really expect to talk to him every single day, it's not really realistic. Life gets in the way sometimes. I don't get to talk to my SO every day. Like yesterday, I didn't get to talk to him at all because he crashed as soon as he got home from work and slept all the way through until he woke up this morning. Today, I wanted to talk to him so I messaged him when he got home. Now we're talking. It's not really a big deal. Even if you were CD, I wouldn't really expect to talk every day. Does it suck sometimes? Sure, but it's not an end all, be all.

[Moon]

Let's keep it real here. She said he does this every once in a while for 24 hours that he doesn't message her first, but he is not ignoring her messages when she messages him. Cut him some slack.

I agree with this. My guy tends to fall asleep on me at least once a week, if not twice. If he's out with his friends, I don't expect to hear from him at all then, either. While it's great to have some sort of communication everyday, it's not always realistic, sometimes life just gets in the way. Also, instead of focusing so much on the quantity of communication, maybe the quality of it should be the important thing here.

[snow]

Let's keep it real here. She said he does this every once in a while for 24 hours that he doesn't message her first, but he is not ignoring her messages when she messages him. Cut him some slack.

[rhabdoviridae]

At this stage of my relationship (almost nine years together, over a year married, over three years LD), it would bother me not to hear from him regularly. Our communication routine includes one phone call every night at the least, sometimes a few texts over the course of the day and sometimes another phone call on the weekends. There are times when we have to be flexible. For example, when one of us is out with friends for an evening, sometimes we just get a text when the other person gets home letting them know they got home safely. When he was visiting family, we could only talk for a few minutes each night instead of longer per usual.

It's not clear how long you've been dating, but it's possible that you just haven't established a routine yet. It takes some getting used to and it may be that he hasn't yet figured out the best way to fit that into his schedule. I would discuss it with him ("It's important to me that I hear from you at least once a day, even if it's just a quick text") but give him time to adjust.

[snow]

Well, in both cases he didn't message me, I had to finally initiate contact after not hearing from him all day and night. Maybe I should give him alone time sometimes, but we don't talk every day. On average we talk once or twice a week. I'm mostly having a problem with the days I don't even get texts.

If he doesn't message you, message him. That was the point of my post! If he doesn't message me, I make sure everything is alright, that is all. I don't need him to tell me his every step and if he wants to just relax and not even bother to start up his computer or go out and spend time with his family - that is perfectly fine! But if I don't hear from him until 9pm his time (which is about the time he goes to bed), I am going to message him to know if he is alright.

[LovingAcrossTheAtlantic]

Well, in both cases he didn't message me, I had to finally initiate contact after not hearing from him all day and night. Maybe I should give him alone time sometimes, but we don't talk every day. On average we talk once or twice a week. I'm mostly having a problem with the days I don't even get texts.

Its not necessarily bad that you have to initiate it. Because sometimes people like initiating communication because they may feel like: "if you want to talk you'd message me", "if you missed me you'd message me", or "She/he may be busy so I will wait till he messages me." I personally don't care to initiate communication, simply because I feel like I'm annoying. But after talking to my SO about it, I started leaving him short/pong sweet messages sometimes.

I agree with everyone else, just talk to him about it. Because if you keep it bottled inside it will bother you more and more. And if you don't talk to him about it you can never fix the issue.

[differentcountries]

We have been through so many negotiations about communication my head is spinning. In high season, sometimes what he can manage is a text a day. We Skype almost every evening, though. There have been times of unclear communication, you just have to toughen up and state your mind.

[conejita_hada]

If the days are rare, I'd say let it slide. Ask him point-blank how he wants communication handled, that you want some type of text/communication daily even if it's a general "good morning, busy today but talk soon" or a good night thing, but that you want his opinion on how contact should be, as well. My SO and I mention to each other "I am going to (class/work/friends)" so that the other knows there will be minimal/no contact for a bit. I told him I wanted to know if he was too busy to talk and he agreed he wanted the same. While my SO is someone I will "always" talk to, the "always" is more of a "always except on the occasion I don't want to talk to any other person on earth for a bit." Rare, but it happens.

[Polly]

I know I am lucky that my man checks in with me every day, but we got that far through talking. I used to message him every day as soon as he came home and he got annoyed with it. He wanted to have some me-time where he could relax from work and then talk to me with a clear and calm mind and I after we had several talks about this, I accepted that. Now he messages me when he does and I give him all the time he needs. If he didn't check in with me one day, I messaged him and made sure everything was okay.
Though I seriously think you should not be so tough on him. He took a day to play video games and messaged you in the evening - after talking to you every day and not ignoring you, I would say that is fine in my book.

Well, in both cases he didn't message me, I had to finally initiate contact after not hearing from him all day and night. Maybe I should give him alone time sometimes, but we don't talk every day. On average we talk once or twice a week. I'm mostly having a problem with the days I don't even get texts.

[snow]

I think I should clarify. Sometimes he doesn't communicate because he's too busy. But the last two times this has happened I find out later that he wasn't busy at all. For example, one day this week he went a whole day without messaging me and since I'm usually the one initiating I didn't want to be needy and left it up to him. Also, since he is more busy than me, it makes more sense to me to have him initiate when he is available since I never know when he is busy.

Anyways, I finally sent him a text that night late like around 10pm, after not hearing from him all day, and I find out he has been at home playing video games. The second time this week this happened where I didn't hear from him I find out later he went home early from work and was home all evening.

Maybe he was tired and didn't feel like texting, but a simple how are you and goodnight text is better than nothing. But I've already brought this up, and when I do, he tries and then after a couple weeks he forgets again.

I don't want to keep bringing it up to remind him as I will start to sound like a nag. I don't know how to make it clear to him. I have this problem where when I do bring it up, I back track and say stuff like, "i want more contact, but maybe I need to understand how busy you are, or maybe I'm being paranoid and stressing out too much over this." I always sabatoge myself by saying what I want and then back tracking instead of being straight forward about what I want. And then after I kick myself for being a wuss

I know I am lucky that my man checks in with me every day, but we got that far through talking. I used to message him every day as soon as he came home and he got annoyed with it. He wanted to have some me-time where he could relax from work and then talk to me with a clear and calm mind and I after we had several talks about this, I accepted that. Now he messages me when he does and I give him all the time he needs. If he didn't check in with me one day, I messaged him and made sure everything was okay.
Though I seriously think you should not be so tough on him. He took a day to play video games and messaged you in the evening - after talking to you every day and not ignoring you, I would say that is fine in my book.

[lilspitfire]

I always sabatoge myself by saying what I want and then back tracking instead of being straight forward about what I want. And then after I kick myself for being a wuss

There's your answer. Be clear, firm, concise. Do not backtrack. I understand you get busy, so do I, but I need more communication from you.

[Polly]

I think I should clarify. Sometimes he doesn't communicate because he's too busy. But the last two times this has happened I find out later that he wasn't busy at all. For example, one day this week he went a whole day without messaging me and since I'm usually the one initiating I didn't want to be needy and left it up to him. Also, since he is more busy than me, it makes more sense to me to have him initiate when he is available since I never know when he is busy.

Anyways, I finally sent him a text that night late like around 10pm, after not hearing from him all day, and I find out he has been at home playing video games. The second time this week this happened where I didn't hear from him I find out later he went home early from work and was home all evening.

Maybe he was tired and didn't feel like texting, but a simple how are you and goodnight text is better than nothing. But I've already brought this up, and when I do, he tries and then after a couple weeks he forgets again.

I don't want to keep bringing it up to remind him as I will start to sound like a nag. I don't know how to make it clear to him. I have this problem where when I do bring it up, I back track and say stuff like, "i want more contact, but maybe I need to understand how busy you are, or maybe I'm being paranoid and stressing out too much over this." I always sabatoge myself by saying what I want and then back tracking instead of being straight forward about what I want. And then after I kick myself for being a wuss

[Unconditional]

This. If it happened every other day, at least once a week or even a couple times a week, maybe I would get a little irritated, but every once in a while with a busy job, I would probably be more worried than angry.

I don't really get angry. I just get worried. I make sure to text HIM though, just in case, cause sometimes my phone doesn't pick up certain texts. (Don't ask me why, I'll be happy when I get a new phone lol)
OP: it's definetly what you make of it, but I would have a conversation with him if this is bothering you so much, but a little slack in this area isn't that bad. Especially of he knows it bothers you but can't do too much about it. I mean, when you're busy at work, you're BUSY. it's not his fault, I'm sure he'd much rather be texting you, but sometimes he can't. Also depends on the type of job he has on how much leeway to give really.