Friends not supportive of ldr

[Redheart14]

Just wondering if anyone has had problem with friends in your LDR. I've been with my SO for over a year now and he's amazing. I've moved away for work and left all my friends. Moving for work meant extending the distance with my SO but he's incredibly supportive. I feel so isolated and have tried reaching out to my friends as they are closer than my SO and I don't want to overwhelm him. My friends just say "it'll get better" but they are all engaged, in long relationships or married so their time is pretty much taken. I was telling one about how I miss my SO and I got "we'll you chose to be with him when you knew he lived so far away". They're all happy to give advice to each other about their partners but with me I get the "well you live so far what do you expect" I don't know if it's because they don't relate so they don't know what to say or if they don't think I should be in a LDR. I feel all I have left is my SO at the moment. I've tried talking to my friends about the LDR as one keeps saying "I wouldn't trust it". It's getting to the point where I feel I can't talk to anyone about it. We aren't having troubles, my SO are better than ever. They talk to me about their partners, I feel I deserve the same.

[Hollandia]

Most of mine did me the favor of not only being non suppportive but kindly blowing me off. I have to face it, it's been years, and all I ever here now, is "contact me when you are in the USA again".

Well, I started telling them, that will be a very long time, and now I get something like " best of luck to you".

It hurt for a long time, now I kinda just don't care. All those tears are dried up. LDR means you lose friends, got it. The ONE I have left, is now beyond priceless to me.

[lordpsymon]

Friends not being supportive is why I haven't been overly vocal about it. Some of my friends have been supportive, but I've had a couple be complete dicks about it (i.e. "that is not a real relationship, you're full of crap"). I've made it public on Facebook, figuring that the people who really did care would ask me about it, and those who are dicks about it will not notice. Turns out the ones who're dicks about it noticed first which made it very awkward for me. It's not overly pleasant having people imply what a loser you are because you fell for someone on the other side of the world. I generally don't talk to those people right now though. I don't have time for their crap. Hell, they're not exactly known for their solid relationships so I'd rather be in this LDR than their situation where they can't hold a decent relationship for over a month.
Wow... I didn't mean to go into that rant there. O.O

[Unconditional]

You're right that you deserve to be able to talk with friends about your SO. Luckily the few friends I have told have been supportive. Some of my cousins have not, I am to the point now where I won't tell them anything because I know all they'll say is something negative. I suggest cutting the negative friends out of your life, or atleast keep them at arm's length when it comes to your relationship. After all, it's YOUR relationship, not theirs.

[TheCatAndTheFish]

I've learned that the friends worth keeping have been supportive, and then ones who i really dont need either act like its not real or even scoff at it.
I feel bad for them because they haven't learned that love has no bounds- smile and keep your head up dear,you have a type of love that knows no limitations- and in time you'll make more friends and forget those who didn't make a step to being a real friend.

[Hollandia]

Friends not being supportive is why I haven't been overly vocal about it. Some of my friends have been supportive, but I've had a couple be complete dicks about it (i.e. "that is not a real relationship, you're full of crap"). I've made it public on Facebook, figuring that the people who really did care would ask me about it, and those who are dicks about it will not notice. Turns out the ones who're dicks about it noticed first which made it very awkward for me. It's not overly pleasant having people imply what a loser you are because you fell for someone on the other side of the world. I generally don't talk to those people right now though. I don't have time for their crap. Hell, they're not exactly known for their solid relationships so I'd rather be in this LDR than their situation where they can't hold a decent relationship for over a month.
Wow... I didn't mean to go into that rant there. O.O

Tell them to F#ck off. i have been through this, but they are still just dating and guess who is getting married in a few months? I close the distance next Saturday after over 3 years of jumping planes, I dealt with time differences and language differences and immigration problems, you name it. I maxed out at least one card to be able to keep seeing him,

When you love someone enough, you make it work. I had never had an LDR before and we both wanted to just be buddies because we thought it would be insane in the beginning. His Dad told me once recently that the day he saw us together and we said we were "just friends" he knew we would marry.

Don't worry what your mates say. If you love your partner enough, someday you will close the distance and when you do, it is like doves crying tears of joy.

[lordpsymon]

Don't worry what your mates say. If you love your partner enough, someday you will close the distance and when you do, it is like doves crying tears of joy.

I guess. It just sucks because these people were usually alright, but they became real dicks when they found out I'm in an LDR. Perhaps I need to vent more often, but alas it's difficult when your friends think you're a loser for loving someone far away.

[Hollandia]

I guess. It just sucks because these people were usually alright, but they became real dicks when they found out I'm in an LDR. Perhaps I need to vent more often, but alas it's difficult when you friends think you're a loser for loving someone far away.

You are not a loser. I only tell my tale so that you can see there are success stories. I am but one of many. Your friends might date ten women and end up alone, you have found the person you care enough about to be LDR for. You don't do LDR for just anyone. You do it for people that you might wish to grow old with. I found mine and your friends need to understand you might have found yours. Maybe you could try to explain that to them. We are not a forum of LDR mopy whiners, we are a forum of successful LRDS time and time again. Please feel free to have them lurk and see.

My BF was not as far but he was 3800 miles away. We spent the last 3 years apart half the time. I did lose friends over it, but not like you, I lost them from leaving USA. A true friend will stick by you and understand that some of your mates are just afraid of losing you someday, but sometimes to close the distance this must happen. My one friend that Skped me for hours today, she gets it, and she loves me as person enough to love me from afar while I am happy with my SO. You will find out your true friends when you start leaving. Know that you are far from a loser. You are a kind and loving man that wants to be with his partner and is willing to wait until you can be. That is very far from a loser.

[Redheart14]

Thanks! I try not to let it bother me, I just feel myself being excluded further and further for something that makes me happy. It's getting to the point where I'm being excluded from meet ups. Sometimes I can't get there (due to work) and other times I'm not told and see pics posted and it was a couple gathering. I've had a big falling out with one friend who seems to think LDR's are a joke. I'm wanting to ask my SO to unfriend them but don't to drag him into my issues with my friends. I feel like no one understands other than him and people on the forum. I have no friends I can go out to coffee with and exchange stories about how happy we are with our relationships without the negative remarks about long distance being too hard, too expensive and the list goes on. I know how important it is to have a life outside your SO but it feels like I'm loosing my friends I just wish there was a way they could see the benefits of my LDR. He loves me, always calls and texts, adores me and sends me flowers. I mean we've lasted over a year (with distance extending significantly ) I feel like I'm trying to keep it together with my friends and feel most of it is one sided.

[Hollandia]

Thanks! I try not to let it bother me, I just feel myself being excluded further and further for something that makes me happy. It's getting to the point where I'm being excluded from meet ups. Sometimes I can't get there (due to work) and other times I'm not told and see pics posted and it was a couple gathering. I've had a big falling out with one friend who seems to think LDR's are a joke. I'm wanting to ask my SO to unfriend them but don't to drag him into my issues with my friends. I feel like no one understands other than him and people on the forum. I have no friends I can go out to coffee with and exchange stories about how happy we are with our relationships without the negative remarks about long distance being too hard, too expensive and the list goes on. I know how important it is to have a life outside your SO but it feels like I'm loosing my friends I just wish there was a way they could see the benefits of my LDR. He loves me, always calls and texts, adores me and sends me flowers. I mean we've lasted over a year (with distance extending significantly ) I feel like I'm trying to keep it together with my friends and feel most of it is one sided.

There is a saying.............fuck em if they can't take the joke.

Laugh it off, and don't worry abut losing your buds, throw a roaring party and see who shows up. If the don't, they are not really friends you want, if they do, laugh about their problems with your LDR and be strong. Let them see how HAPPY you are and happiness is contagious. They will slowly learn to accept it if they are your true friends. Hell, I did not even want a do an LDR in the beginning because I thought it was crazy. Try to relate to your friends on the level you used to and they will get past your LDR if you don't act touchy about it. If they don't, then sorry, but you come back to the frak em thing. I lost more than a few..... they can't handle me moving to Europe, but he is my life so frak em if they can't take the joke.

[Redheart14]

I've not been touchy about it. I've just decided to to bring it up unless they ask about it ( which they don't ). I'm still listening them them when they talk to me about their partner which I don't think is fair, but that's my fault as I keep listening hoping they'll appreciate it and in turn ask me how my LDR is ( hasn't happened yet though). There are some who I don't hear from any more regardless of if I initiate contact with them. Others I have to initiate contact with them with is one sided I know but I don't know what else to do. I've always been the one who was cut off my friends when they started dating and I vowed I wouldn't do that to anyone. But I'm trying just don't know if I should keep persisting or stop.

[Hollandia]

I've not been touchy about it. I've just decided to to bring it up unless they ask about it ( which they don't ). I'm still listening them them when they talk to me about their partner which I don't think is fair, but that's my fault as I keep listening hoping they'll appreciate it and in turn ask me how my LDR is ( hasn't happened yet though). There are some who I don't hear from any more regardless of if I initiate contact with them. Others I have to initiate contact with them with is one sided I know but I don't know what else to do. I've always been the one who was cut off my friends when they started dating and I vowed I wouldn't do that to anyone. But I'm trying just don't know if I should keep persisting or stop.

Here is what confuses me. People are friends for reasons other than who they are dating. I would try to focus on the other reasons you are friends, if you don't have that, then why be friends? If they go on about their partners and don't wish to hear about yours, then change the subject if they ask why then tell then what you told us. If they think you are nuts then feel free to send them to me. This is 2014 and it is getting more and more common for people to be in LDRs, They need to wake up and smell the decade. You are one of millions, and many of us have proven them wrong.

If you don't wish to get into that....then change the subject. Take about movies or books or funny youtube vids or the news or anything but it really is not fair for them to go on about their loves and ignore yours. LDRs count too.

[Redheart14]

A lot of them are stay at home mum or trying to have kids so most of them (not all) talk solely of that or we end up back on that topic after I've changed the subject. But I'll keep trying with your advice Hollandia and see how it goes.

[differentcountries]

I want people to respect my relationship but I can see it from their side too. They don't understand what is so great about a guy I hardly ever see. They wonder if it can last. They worry I don't get enough sex, haha... All the same stuff that I used to say to people in LDRs before I found myself in one. I just tell them that we use Skype and have regular visits, and that we feel committed to one another. They are impressed that I am learning Turkish and that we manage to have such frequent visits. I used to feel alone, but now I just focus on whatever I have in common with people. I don't expect them to give me advice unless they have been in international LDRs themselves. My husband is my biggest support of my relationship to my boyfriend, he is truely exited for me although he has to live alone one week a month. I think some of my friends will be more supportive once they have met SO ; if his visa comes through in winter I want to have a big party and invite my friends so they all can meet him in person and see for themselves what a great guy he is.

[Becki]

I only have one friend who really listens to me talk about my SO. We haven't really been together for long (2 months on Sep. 10) but boy have I heard a bunch of things from people. I first told one of my friends when he was visiting. His words were "Don't waste feelings and time on a relationship that won't work. You guys have never met, and probably never will. What if you DO actually meet, and he reacts badly?"

Funny story here. I met on an online game. When we met, I was living with my long term boyfriend of 5 years. He broke up with me, and some time after that I started dating my current boyfriend. My ex still looks for me, still tries to get back. But i've moved on. He didn't treat me the way I deserved to be treated. He would ignore me for days, we'd only have sex like once a month lol. He could see me crying and would tell me to "Shut up or go to the other room" because he wanted to sleep. Yet, my friends would rather my get back with him (just because he's close) than have me be happy with my new guy (who is a total sweetheart). They keep trying to tell me that our relationship wont work but really, what makes them think a relationship with my ex will?

I have my coworker shaking her head at me everyday I talk about him. "You need to find someone who lives close to you". Yet her boyfriend moved to another state a few weeks ago. I guess it's fine for her to be in a LDR because they met, but it's not for me because we haven't?

Anyways, people need to stick their heads out of things that don't concern them. I guess sometimes they say the negative things because they care or worry, but I feel most of the time it's just because they're jerks.