Helpful Advice?

[silvermoonfairy3]

They aren't giving advice.

I'm pretty sure "move home to be with your son" constitutes advice.

Honestly, I personally find posts about how the posts aren't helpful is much more annoying than potentially-unhelpful posts in the first place. If a post isn't helpful to someone, they're free to disregard it and move on.

IMO the forum hasn't gotten less helpful, but it seems to be getting more posts with anger at people not liking the advice they get, and then people defending the anger.

[lyonsgirl]

Ok, since you want us to focus on your relationship... I don't know if I understood your last post correctly, but... is this the first time you met him? And you're already using the word "fiancé"?

If that's the case, I think you might be going a little too fast.

I'm curious about this. Is this your first time meeting this guy in person? How did you initially meet each other?

[Britt6]

Thank you, Ruby, for getting it.

It was brought up only because i know my missing him is an issue that makes me moody here..it wasnt an invite to be attacked. so neither of u get it. the point was i was stating some things i know cause my mood to be off

[Moon]

This is a public forum, if you don't want people to judge you or comment on the lil details then LEAVE THEM OUT! This whole nonesense about her kid wouldn't be an issue if she had simply omitted it from her original post.

But! Since she left those details in people at going to put in their two sense. Quite frankly I get the feeling people like moon and the others who have commented on the kid didn't give advice to the actual questions because they feel the kid is more important then her relationship issues. They are entitled to that opinion.

Thank you, Ruby, for getting it.

[Moon]

They aren't giving advice. They are being cruel and berating. That's not advice. And since I was called out on what I said, it furthers prove my point that it is about who is right and who is wrong. All I see from everyone is what THEY would do and that's go back. Not saying "Oh, well I think you should talk to him (her partner)." The child is not relevant to the forum. She didn't seek advice on raising her child, but handling her relationship, but no one seems to be able to get off the kid topic which totally negates the purpose of this entire forum. It says loving from a distance not anything about parenting.

Don't care, since she's the one who brought him into her post in the first place. Do you really think saying the good ol' useless default of "Oh, well I think you should talk to him (her partner)." is advice? That's kind of funny. If you put it in a post, people have the full right to discuss it, regardless if you like it or not. I 100% stand by what I said, you thinking I'm "wrong" has no bearing on that whatsoever.

[Britt6]

TY Spitfire this went way out of hand and tbh I doubt ill be asking for advice here again lol.. rather just stick to reading, maybe getting ideas

[rubydissolution]

This is a public forum, if you don't want people to judge you or comment on the lil details then LEAVE THEM OUT! This whole nonesense about her kid wouldn't be an issue if she had simply omitted it from her original post.

But! Since she left those details in people at going to put in their two sense. Quite frankly I get the feeling people like moon and the others who have commented on the kid didn't give advice to the actual questions because they feel the kid is more important then her relationship issues. They are entitled to that opinion.

[lilspitfire]

They aren't giving advice. They are being cruel and berating. That's not advice. And since I was called out on what I said, it furthers prove my point that it is about who is right and who is wrong. All I see from everyone is what THEY would do and that's go back. Not saying "Oh, well I think you should talk to him (her partner)." The child is not relevant to the forum. She didn't seek advice on raising her child, but handling her relationship, but no one seems to be able to get off the kid topic which totally negates the purpose of this entire forum. It says loving from a distance not anything about parenting.

[TwoThree]

Ok, since you want us to focus on your relationship... I don't know if I understood your last post correctly, but... is this the first time you met him? And you're already using the word "fiancé"?

If that's the case, I think you might be going a little too fast.

[Britt6]

I agree with most I asked for advice not about my child but my relationship if you feel the need the put in your thoughts on your own life and parenting great! At the same time you dont have to come off so bitchy like im trash and you're supermom either. Its not what was said rather than how it was said. With my child yes there is a few complicated circumstances. The first choice was for my SO to come see me first, but 1st he rents his place leaving would have meant he wouldnt have a place to come home to. Where as mine is paid off so it will still be there upon my return. 2nd Id rather be alone meeting him, Ive met a ton of mothers with rocky relationships that bring 5-10 new men around their young kids, I wanted to be sure he'd be ok with everything before bringing him around my child. So as complicated as it all seems I understand thats all that matters. Again thank you to all the ladies that have given me tips and or advice on my "actual questions" as I said tho My SO and I seem to have a few plans to work around things x

[squeeker]

@Squeeker if you do come over here its absolutely beautiful, sheeps and all Tho Im in South Wales. Saturday my SO is taking me to Cardiff for those who dont know...Wales Capitol and I am excited much needed time out tour of a castle and another couple that are friends so hopefully clear heads just what we need.

Yeah I know, I've been there a few times already but it's been WAY TOO LONG since I was last there (over a year)!! I can't wait to go back. Aw Cardiff is nice. I'm way less jealous now that it's south Wales. But I do want to visit South Wales too sometime when I'm over there with my boy. I hope you have a great Cardiff visit. Castles are GREAT destinations! Take some nice pictures if you can!

And where exactly do you think people form advice from?? They get it from THEIR experiences, and what THEY would do, and THEIR personal opinions.

Totally... when I give advice I base it on whether or not I can relate it to my personal experience or not. Maybe a bit of advice is from some other knowledge source or something but usually it's from personal experience... people don't have to take all the advice given to them but they shouldn't get upset if someone gives them advice they don't like. At the end of the day it's the original poster who knows their relationship and they can fit the advice in with what they know.

[lyonsgirl]

This! This forum has really gotten to be about who is right or wrong anymore. Lots of bashing and trashing and no advice giving. In my personal opinion, the OP should have left the child part out because no one seems to give a shit about the rest of the post. This isn't a parenting forum, it's an LDR forum. People calling others a bad parent, calling people stupid because they have a concern about their partner and his family's relationship because they don't understand it, and more. They didn't ask what YOU would do. They asked for advice. So let's leave our personal opinions out and start giving the advice again.

Don't you see the hypocrisy in your post? You start it with "in my personal opinion", and then end it with "let's leave our personal opinions out"... So is your post null & void?

Anyway, like Moon said - advice is given off of opinions/experiences. No one has the same experiences/opinions, which is why I'm a big fan of forums like this - it allows me to find out what others would do in a situation that I am in, if I choose to post about it.

[JaneEmily]

It's really saddening to see how volatile this forum is becoming. We all seem like catty women desperate to claw each other's eyes out just because our opinions and experiences differ to what we would each do. I'd take everyone's advice on the chin, think about every point people bring up and then go from there. If people don't agree with the advice, then fair enough.

For me, advice is asking people what they would do if they were hypothetically in the same situation as say another person is asking about, they then offer their 2pence - the one asking for advice then takes their advice into consideration and then decides where to go from there. Whether someone listens and takes action with the advice given on this forum is another thing, but c'mon guys can't we just stop bickering? Not everyone is going to agree with each other. Most of us are adults on here. I miss the friendly warmth this place gave a few months back.

If someone doesn't like your advice, then that's up to them. And if you don't like the way they're handling their relationship, then that's up to you to think that. But we all have different circumstances, different stories and different ways of handling things. For one person, a situation will be dealt with in one way whilst another person would handle it the complete opposite. It's a part of being human and people can listen if they want to and then decide on their own back if they want to follow any of the advice given here. We can't force it down people's throats to fit our ideology of how to deal with a particular situation.

It'd be nice to see everyone get along again.

[Moon]

This! This forum has really gotten to be about who is right or wrong anymore. Lots of bashing and trashing and no advice giving. In my personal opinion, the OP should have left the child part out because no one seems to give a shit about the rest of the post. This isn't a parenting forum, it's an LDR forum. People calling others a bad parent, calling people stupid because they have a concern about their partner and his family's relationship because they don't understand it, and more. They didn't ask what YOU would do. They asked for advice. So let's leave our personal opinions out and start giving the advice again.

And where exactly do you think people form advice from?? They get it from THEIR experiences, and what THEY would do, and THEIR personal opinions.

[lilspitfire]

Wow. I think its extreme how people here are judging her for what she does or does not with her son. First of all, as she said you can't know the whole story, I would think that if she says she couldnt be with her son either way she has a reason to do so. Secondly, it doesn't seem like the child is left alone with no love somewhere or in danger and you don't know what kind of mother she is otherwise. There is no such thing as the perfect parent. Thirdly, she asked for advice on her relationship and since the child doesnt seem to be in acute danger it's really absolutely none of your business.
People really are too damn narrowminded these days.

This! This forum has really gotten to be about who is right or wrong anymore. Lots of bashing and trashing and no advice giving. In my personal opinion, the OP should have left the child part out because no one seems to give a shit about the rest of the post. This isn't a parenting forum, it's an LDR forum. People calling others a bad parent, calling people stupid because they have a concern about their partner and his family's relationship because they don't understand it, and more. They didn't ask what YOU would do. They asked for advice. So let's leave our personal opinions out and start giving the advice again.