First ever LDR, with an introvert; struggling for clarity.

[Cityfan]

I'm not sure you can be genuine friends when you're still hoping she'll take you back. Sure, you can confide in her and she can comfort you, but if you're always hanging on to the chance that she'll want to get back together with you, you'll be missing out on other opportunities. Maybe you're okay with the prospect of continually renewing heartache as you remain in touch with her, hear about the things she has going in her life, etc., but I don't really think that's a healthy relationship, platonic or otherwise. Give yourself the time to heal from the break-up and then get in touch again, keeping it casual.

I just foresee so much hurt on your end

Honestly, the same situation occurred with my two best gal friends. We tried dating, and they ended it for one reason or another. It hurt for a while, but eventually they became some of my closest friends to this day.
As for missing out on other opportunities, I have been going out, mingling, and talking to new gals. While I doubt I will meet a gal I click with at the bar scene, at least I'm putting myself out there. Ultimately I know I am going to hurt for a while, like I have with the other girls, but eventually I make it work. I really don't want to never see her again, and she and I both know we want to see each other in NY, one way or another. Who knows, maybe we'll have a "heat of the moment" situation, maybe we will just have a great time hanging out as friends. Either way, I need to be an adult about it, and do this for myself. I won't get closure till I see her again.

[Mollyisawalrus]

Long distance is hard, and takes a lot of work.

[Cityfan]

Well,
We met up. We were friendly and had a great time together. But it was clear that she was done with the romantic side, at least for the time being.
I offered her my arm when we went ice skating...she kept her arms crossed across her chest, was always somewhat distant even though she was her usual fun, friendly self.
It definitely really hurts, but I needed to see her to begin healing. It actually helped, shockingly enough. We still intend to skype once/twice a week, talk on the phone etc.
Who knows, maybe we'll have a future somewhere down the line, but at this point we are remaining good friends and I am free to start attempting to date. Granted my trust in gals has hit rock bottom at this point.
I have no regrets, and would do everything over again with her, or any other gal I feel strongly for. I did everything right, and it didn't play out in my favor.

[Cityfan]

Well, its been 2 weeks since my trip.
We've skyped three times, and It's killing me knowing that I can't have her. We're making it work as friends, but I just haven't been the same.
I'v replayed the past 5 months, every single conversation, every move I made, every mistake I made, every message I sent and word I'v said.
Everyone says I did nothing wrong, but I feel as though if I did nothing wrong this situation would not have happened...I feel as though I probably did a whole bunch wrong, including being "a nice guy".
I made myself available, and told her I cared about her...and got burned.

I have three dates lined up this weekend, but honestly, I can't stop comparing every gal with her. None of them compare even in the least.

[p_b82]

Then I would say cancel the dates, take soe time to emotionally heal the scars and then start looking again after that.

Skyping and chatting to the object your heart desires is just going to prolong that pain and healing process further.

Don't beat yourself up for being a nice guy either, there are plenty of women out there that want a nice guy - even if the clichés all seem to state otherwise!

[Cityfan]

Then I would say cancel the dates, take soe time to emotionally heal the scars and then start looking again after that.

Skyping and chatting to the object your heart desires is just going to prolong that pain and healing process further.

Don't beat yourself up for being a nice guy either, there are plenty of women out there that want a nice guy - even if the clichés all seem to state otherwise!

Shockingly enough, I'm fairly excited about my date tonight...seems like a nice gal and who knows. Maybe going out at this early stage is what I'll need to get over the hump.
As for skyping/chatting with the ex, well, I enjoy her company, one way or another. It was a bit awkward but not hurtful talking for the past week...and I have definitely taken a step back to a comfortable distance.

As for being a nice guy...I think it's about finding a balance, something I have yet to figure out.

[Redheart14]

Good luck with the date

[Cityfan]

Good luck with the date

Thank you.it went very very well.the gal isn't quite what I'm looking for at this exact moment,but that may change. Had a great time with her and plan to see her again.we'll see what happens.

[Redheart14]

Thank you.it went very very well.the gal isn't quite what I'm looking for at this exact moment,but that may change. Had a great time with her and plan to see her again.we'll see what happens.

One day at a time

[Miasmata]

I'm not quite sure how to word it best, but I don't like how you use "seduce" there, framnz. You got some decent advice, but when someone uses "seduce" in this kinda context, to me it always sounds like using false pretense or 'specific techniques' to get into someone's pants. I don't think the OP just wants a quick lay or seduction tips. Just wanted to say that, it gives off a weird vibe to your post, no offense.

[Cityfan]

Well, it has been a downright miserable couple months since the breakup.

We've texted a few times back and forth, during my birthday, her graduation day etc...but its been very distant...with a week or two weeks in between.
It's really hard not to message her, see how she is doing, a case of the "we're still friends but need time apart" scenario. We agreed to stay in touch, especially if we're in each other's part of town.
That being said, I intend to move East for work in the next 2, 2.5 years because the west coast is draining me.

I'v been seeing a therapist to get over my anger/confusion about the "relationship", and have come to the realization that my sister has been telling me all along:
The gal flirted with me, and we connected. However, I wanted a relationship, she just wanted to flirt and get the attention from someone she happened to be casually attracted to.
I mistook her friendlyness and going along with my advances as progress in dating, when she was just enjoying the attention and being flirtatious. In a way I felt led on, but at the same time,
I feel as though any gal would love the attention and keep it going, and she broke it off when I basically finally just said I want a relationship.

I figured out that in terms of dating, there is no perfect first date, missteps happen, and that I didn't do anything wrong perse. She was not an introvert, but was rather keeping me at arms length the whole time,
not answering my text messages for 4-5 hours when she wasnt actually busy, not picking up phone calls, not initiating any sort of contact. I was so into her that I completely missed those signs and gave her too much
benefit of the doubt. If the gal actually was interested in me, she wouldnt go 3-4-5 days without communicating with me, or make me wait pins and needles when i call/text.

All in all this has been a difficult, emotionally/psychologically brutal 6 months.

Now I'm stuck with trying to understand the fine line when a gal flirts due to casual attraction, or flirts because she genuinely is interested in something more. I am clearly missing the boat.

[vicks5721]

Sorry that happened to you, I know how that feels before I met my Fiance I spoke to different people and none of them ever wanted a relationship and I was lead on. But when I met my Fiance that all changed we fell for each other right from the beginning and we told each other how we feel and we are always open and honest with each other.

I wish you all the best, never give up you will find the right person eventually.

[Miasmata]

Glad to hear you got professional help and aren't staying alone in this situation. Best of luck to you and keep doing the best you can for yourself.

[Cityfan]

Yes, I'm glad I decided to get help...Iv been going ballistic. The feelings of: 'what did I do wrong? 'Still come back every few days, but less than before. Now I'm just battling the boredom/loneliness involved with starting over. One step at a time.

[p_b82]

Glad you have got help, there is normally quite an obvious difference between some-one that likes the attention, and some-one that is really into you. It is harder to tell over and LDR in fairness, but the time delay should have been your first warning sign.

Hope you are able to work through, it and don't rush into anything else too quickly - when the right one is there, you will know. for me it has happened without me actively trying they have just walked into my life....

the boredom and loneliness aspects I would say, are tough to adjust to; but don't dwell on the negative aspects and learn to enjoy your own time and company, or find activities you enjoy doing that involve other people.