Giving up nationality and religion?

[lucybelle]

I really meant to comment on this earlier and forgot!

First of all- I think this conversation is happening way too early. I know you want to be together and everything, but you've been together for five months. It's really pretty early in the relationship to be talking about converting religions and leaving countries.

With that said, my SO came to live with me for six months in the USA. He hated it. When I quit my job to move to his home country he told me he never wanted to leave his home country again. I decided that was okay. I would rather be anywhere in the world with my SO, than in my home country without him. Well, two months later he decided he wanted to move back to the USA. And guess where we are now-- the USA! My point is, people grow in a relationship. Just because he says "no way" now doesn't mean he will forever.

[aniay]

For me, what he said is a red flag. NO ONE should change for the other person OR ELSE... that's emotional abuse. Be how I want or i stop loving you. You either love someone and accept them as they are or not.
I don't agree with those who say it's too early for this conversation. If this early on he uses the OR ELSE.. angle... well for me that says he might be making you do things you don't want to in the future.

People should change because they want to not because they are told to. You can't really tell him to become Jewish if he doesn't believe. And he can't tell you to stop believing with time changing who you are for someone else ad not yourself will make you hate your decision, the other person and yourself so in the end everyone looses.

[differentcountries]

I don't consider it emotional abuse to say that you need the other person to change or the relationship otherwise might come to an end. I am a strong believer in ultimatums, used sparingly. Personally I would never play that card on religion, because it has been so important to me always to choose for myself, but I have played in with other things that were important to me in the past, and I guess I will play that card again some time in the future. People have strong feelings about certain things and it is better to come clean about it.

[vicks5721]

I think it's not too early to talk about such issues if it is important to the couple, it's important to know where you stand and know what you both believe in early on. I am a Christian and I knew before I met my fiance that I couldn't compromise on my beliefs in God and Jesus, I knew for me I would have to be with a Christian and specifically a Protestant Like me, I was brought up going to Church with my mum as Anglican as I live in England, but I consider myself Protestant. My fiance is a Christian too and I am happy we can talk about the bible and pray together and go to church together etc.

Anyways my point is I believe that it's best to be with someone who believes the same things as me. As in my experience my parents were a Christian and an Atheist and it didn't work out they got a divorce.

Also the thing about deciding on where to live well it is all down to who is willing to give up their job etc and move to be with their partner or you can compromise by living in a location where you both move there.
I personally though have never felt like me moving to America to be with my Fiance as a sacrifice, to me it is the most wonderful choice I ever made and we agreed from the beginning on the decision, but that is just my experience.