Why am I not happier?

[Rosebud]

To make an extremely long story short, after weeks of discussing and working and anxiety, my sister steps into my room last night and hands me a small stack of papers. And what may these papers be for? Why, they be from my aunt who had agreed to give me and my cousin some of her frequent flyer miles so I could book a flight to Michigan at the end of this month so at long last I could go see my boyfriend, only one month after our first year anniversary. And these papers had the flight already booked. Done. BAM.

I was ecstatic. I couldn't believe it, I had to take my bf right then to tell him, called my aunt to thank her a million times, messaged my best friend to blab about it and put it on my facebook so the whole world would know.

And then the panicking set it. I'm sure you all have an dea of what I'm talking about. The OMG, what am I going to wear? What should I bring him? What will we do? Etc. It's a scary but good kind of panic where you have so much energy cause it's all so much at once and you can't really believe it's going to finally happen.

But then a second panic entered my mind. A darker, more painful panic. My SO and I have never physically me in person, this shall be our first time if that tells you anything. I can't even begin to describe the type of fear that's pulsing through me right now. It's making me wary of him, not able to enjoy talking with him which is absolutely ridiculous because he hasn't even DONE anything and I feel awful taking it out on him. We haven't fought, not even a hint at any sort of argument and I feel like my actions are going to change that. Why?? Who wants to argue when there's no reason to?

I don't know if he's not as nervous as I am because he's the one staying put (I know he IS nervous but I don't think it's as badly as this). I've told him how scared I am and I'm been reassuring and sweet...but I just can't shake off this feeling. I want to be happy and walking on cloud nine the rest of the month as I prepare for the trip, but now it feels like I'll be anxious and unsettled instead. Why am I feeling this way? What do I do to get rid of it? I want this trip to be perfect and I feel like I'm going to make a million mistakes.

[Tanja]

You need to take a deep breath and calm down.

He loves you! You are going to meet the man you love for the first time and it's bound to be perfect. Yes, there's a million things to worry about: what to wear, what to say, is he gonna like what he sees, is the spark there, what's it gonna be like to kiss him, what about the sex...? But thinking about it too much in advance will only make you stress for nothing. You are going to meet him and things are gonna go the way they'll go, you'll just have to let them. You'll be fine and you won't make mistakes in his eyes

And what a great aunty you have!! Yay for her

[LadyMarchHare]

It's anxiety plus the fact you've already had the high, so now comes the crash and second-guessing. You're nervous, scared, yet you're still excited it's just being masked by more negative feelings. You might also be overthinking the small, insignificant details which I know I have a habit of that always upset me. What you might try doing is distracting yourself away from the thoughts about the trip for a bit then come back and lay out lists of what you're taking and all that. Try and remain technical, not emotional. Leave the emotions for the airport, then you can freak out on your way there.

[folclor]

Trust me, it's gonna be scary, but it'll be awesome. ^^ I was just as scared as you are, possibly moreso (then again, that's what everyone would attest to, likely), but trust him and trust yourself. ^^ don't do anything you don't feel right doing, but it will come out all right in the end. ^^ just talk to him about how you feel and let him console you.

[maielle]

Ah I totally understand you. Even though I've never been in that specific situation. I'm a nervous type and I had met my SO face-to-face earlier. We had spent a lot of time together. Later we became LDR. But still, when we first saw after 2 months of being separated (and it was him who flew here) I was nervous as hell! I was literally shaking at the airport. I was really really nervous. And when he came though the gates I was still shaking. I was shaking during our bus trip to my apartment and I was just so incredibly nervous. I was also sweating but luckily it was the hottest day in decades so you couldn't tell why I was sweating.

And then the nervousness went away.

And you haven't even seen him before so you have about a million reasons more to be nervous. But you know what, the feeling will vanish and turn into so much fun within two hours when you've met him. And it doesn't even matter if you make some silly mistakes. To err is human. And later you two can laugh to all the silly mistakes together! And it doesn't really matter how you look like because your SO will be just as nervous and won't even remember what you were wearing. ;P

You have the best aunt ever and you're going to see your SO! Yaay!!

[Jellybean]

Congrats on being able to get a ticket As for the nerves and such, dont worry too much about it. If something is really bugging you though just be completely open about everything your thinking with your SO, no matter what it is lol I found that talking about places to go, what we can do, getting all the awkwardness out of the way before I went helped alot, just go over all the worries you have and say what you want to do and dont want to do etc. When I went I had a numb feeling of 'omg im actually doing this' but after 4/5 hours on the train id kinda calmed down and by the time I saw him I had a huge smile on my face and knew it was worth it and the right choice...Think about how youve wanted it for so long and how your finally getting it.
All in all...just be happy

[paulawriteslove]

That's wonderful news! You need to take a deep breath and relax. Everything will work out perfectly Don't stress about what you're going to do or how to act with him - just go with the flow and have a great time!!!

[Silviar]

It's fear of the unknown. Relax. I know it'll be impossible to completely clear your mind, but just remember you're doing this for you and your relationship, and that this way, you can see how things are in person. No matter what, you'll have a great time getting to see him for real and get to visit him/the area.

Breathe, and start looking for some cute outfits ^^

[Karringtyn]

You have soooo much to be excited for.....for a long time you have had that anticipation of ....oooh when we meet....and all this time to imagine and look forward to it.....to fall in love and have wonderful feelings....and with this news...it is all about to change...

But guess what hon...this next level you are about to go on...is even better...ahhhhhh just wait!!! I am excited for you!

[Rosebud]

Thank you guys all so much for your kind words and support. I took some of your advice and have sort of tried not to focus too much on it these past couple days so I'm only now getting back to responding, but I've found that really helped tenfold. Since it's still a couple weeks to go I think I'll continue trying not to think about it too much and leave the last week to do all my major freaking out. Luckily we already talked about some things we want to do and see while I'm there so I'm crossing my fingers it actually works (it all entirely depends on if he gets the days off from work as he can't request any off at the moment) and we won't be stuck staring at each other with no clue what to do. That's one of my biggest fears is that we'll both be so nervous that we won't even be able to really find anything to keep ourselves busy with (this was so much easier when he worked at DisneyWorld! Plenty of stuff to keep us busy there!). But it makes me so relieved to hear that ya'll have faith that it's going to turn out fantastic and I'm crossing my fingers that's actually so

And yes!! My aunt is awesome and I still can't believe she's actually allowing me to use her miles!!!

[Tanja]

Good to hear you're feeling better about it! It'll all be great, I promise

[Tabitha]

Relax! That's the most important thing. Just calm down. Things will seem far less scary as long as you're calm.