From where I stand, the issue like others have said is the trust aspect.
It seems as though she has not forgiven him his past transgressions, and has felt the need to 'check up' on him again. In doing so he has been found out to be lying to her about (an unrealistic target set IMO) not talking to other women.
Would he be happy with his SO constantly checking his phone/messages? Would it drive him to be more secretive and have a second phone stashed away to continue his ways?
Or do they discuss why he feels the need to do this, and work on it together to go forward.
Maybe he is hugely insecure and likes that tiny little validation of the attention, knowing that he 'could' go out and other people find him interesting; not that he is playing the field, but his relationship is not making him feel 'loved/appreciated/<insert feeling as appropriate>'
Does she want to be in a longer term relationship where she doesn't feel the issue is resolved, and has the need to keep her eye on her man?
Only they can work this out, and my advice would not be to run away; but to get to the bottom of his behaviour pattern, set a realistic scenario they both feel they can live with, and be completely open with the dialogue.....
Maybe that compromise is that she vets who he can talk to (but I know for sure that I would not be able to live like that but maybe he can?) or when he feels the urge to get this validation he tells her, and she can work on his insecurities instead etc....
Right now, I think if they don't really hash this out and resolve it once and for all in a way that suits them both, then they are going to have issues with this in future, as it seems deep enough not to be able to be ignored.
It seems as though she has not forgiven him his past transgressions, and has felt the need to 'check up' on him again. In doing so he has been found out to be lying to her about (an unrealistic target set IMO) not talking to other women.
Would he be happy with his SO constantly checking his phone/messages? Would it drive him to be more secretive and have a second phone stashed away to continue his ways?
Or do they discuss why he feels the need to do this, and work on it together to go forward.
Maybe he is hugely insecure and likes that tiny little validation of the attention, knowing that he 'could' go out and other people find him interesting; not that he is playing the field, but his relationship is not making him feel 'loved/appreciated/<insert feeling as appropriate>'
Does she want to be in a longer term relationship where she doesn't feel the issue is resolved, and has the need to keep her eye on her man?
Only they can work this out, and my advice would not be to run away; but to get to the bottom of his behaviour pattern, set a realistic scenario they both feel they can live with, and be completely open with the dialogue.....
Maybe that compromise is that she vets who he can talk to (but I know for sure that I would not be able to live like that but maybe he can?) or when he feels the urge to get this validation he tells her, and she can work on his insecurities instead etc....
Right now, I think if they don't really hash this out and resolve it once and for all in a way that suits them both, then they are going to have issues with this in future, as it seems deep enough not to be able to be ignored.
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