I am scared because of money

[Britanica]

I live in the US and he, in the UK. Known each other 2 years, 3 in July. Dating just over a year.

The reason why I am scared is because, I, financially, am not in a great place. I had to move back in with my parents last year. I can't afford to live on my own nor can I even handle it, because of my anxiety. He makes good money over there, but coming over here, he wouldn't have that job. I am scared that because of money, it make take years and years for us to finally be living together. I don't even know the process 100% of him moving here and becoming a citizen, though we both have studied everything we could online. I don't want money to be the reason that keeps us from being together. I am hitting into my late 20's, he is a few years younger than me. While yes, we are still young, I want to spend these years with him.

Has anyone been where I am here, with this and made it through? I know I won't lose him, even if it did take years. I just don't want it to. I wish there was someway I could just come in to some money and he can come here to marry me this fall, which is what we are hoping for, but money has to allow it.

[CanadianGirl]

Have you considered the option of moving over there?

[BlueCat]

Hey, first off, welcome to the forum.

I know that money is a big obstacle when it comes to long distance relationships. Every time I visited my SO it cost me anywhere from $1800 - $2500 for flights, plus up to $500 for travel insurance (depending on length of stay) + spending money. It's a huge amount of money. I lived at home for the first 8 years of our relationship which is largely how I was able to afford everything (that and I'm not a big spender, I don't really drink or go out much). Is it difficult? Yes. My SO and I have been together for 10 years, and we're still long distance. It's not easy by any means, but I wouldn't change it for the world. I'm tired of the waiting and living in limbo, but I just have to be patient because I know that the end will come. We never expected it to take this long, but unfortunately it's just the way things have worked out, 5 years became 7, became 10 and here we are. It's no ones fault, it just hasn't happened for us yet. You have to be prepared to wait sometimes, some people close the distance quickly, and that's great, but you have to be prepared for the long haul too, just in case.

I don't really know what my point is, but I think we all get scared about the LDR lasting longer than we want, I never wanted to be in one for 10, or even 7 years, but when you get 7 years in and there's no close vision of closing the distance, I'm not just going to give up on it. You do it because you have to, because it's worth it in the end.

[differentcountries]

My SOs best friend has been in a LDR 6 years with a woman from my country, they even have a baby now. The only reason he can even get visitor visa is because her mother is a garantist, she herself doesn't make that much money. . They are applying for family reunion visa now, which will take about a year if they get it. His name is on her door but he will not be there soon.

Me and SO has been in a LDR about one and a half year. We know we will spend lots of time together this year but not sure about next. If he is moving here he has to start learning my language soon. I am currently learning his. We have no real plan to close the distance - no timephrame. I have learned to not plan too far ahead. I prioritize most of my money towards this relationship because otherwise I couldn't afford visits etc. If we have to be long distance "forever ", I would still do it because he is worth it.

[snow]

I second canadiangirl, have you thought of moving to your SO? If he is making good money over there, it would make sense for him to stay where he is. Do you think he could support you for a couple months (until you can start looking for jobs etc)?

[MissingMyDutchLove]

Hello! I don't have much to add here other than that I completely understand where you're coming from. My SO and I are both students, so little to no income greatly influences how often we are able to see each other and when we will be able to close the distance. It is extremely tough. I get it. I just wanted to say that I hope it all works out for you and that you are able to close the distance soon.

Also, shoutout to those of you (cough cough, I'm looking at you BlueCat) who make it through so many years long distance. This is the hardest thing that I've ever had to do and you guys are truly an inspiration to keep on moving and waiting for that one day that will happen eventually!

[merlinkitty]

Have you considered the option of moving over there?

Is this an option? Right now it makes more sense for him to come to me. Somewhere in the future it may make more sense for me to go to him. I keep this as an idea in the back of my head. He's working on a plan to improve his employment potential (aka school in his case) I'm assuming you have something you might be doing to ensure yours as well?

[Moon]

Like everyone said, why not move to him? If he's got great prospects there, while yours aren't so great, why not just go, while you still can? Money is always, always a challenge in an LDR, travel isn't cheap, especially internationally, so you need to be more creative about it. I see you haven't met yet, so stop worrying about who's moving where, and worry about meeting first. Both of you can put your money together and get one plane ticket, then you just have to decide on which place you'll meet. Look for budget carriers, off season, and you may be able to do it for well less than $1000. Stop putting the cart before the horse, and meet each other first, then after a few of those, you can move on to who'll relocate. Money will always be an issue, but you just have to worry about one visit at a time, and fund that.

[Britanica]

Have you considered the option of moving over there?

Yes, that is what we planned first but it would be a lot harder for me to become a UK citizen, I don't do planes, and I don't want to be that far from my family.

[Britanica]

Hey, first off, welcome to the forum.

I know that money is a big obstacle when it comes to long distance relationships. Every time I visited my SO it cost me anywhere from $1800 - $2500 for flights, plus up to $500 for travel insurance (depending on length of stay) + spending money. It's a huge amount of money. I lived at home for the first 8 years of our relationship which is largely how I was able to afford everything (that and I'm not a big spender, I don't really drink or go out much). Is it difficult? Yes. My SO and I have been together for 10 years, and we're still long distance. It's not easy by any means, but I wouldn't change it for the world. I'm tired of the waiting and living in limbo, but I just have to be patient because I know that the end will come. We never expected it to take this long, but unfortunately it's just the way things have worked out, 5 years became 7, became 10 and here we are. It's no ones fault, it just hasn't happened for us yet. You have to be prepared to wait sometimes, some people close the distance quickly, and that's great, but you have to be prepared for the long haul too, just in case.

I don't really know what my point is, but I think we all get scared about the LDR lasting longer than we want, I never wanted to be in one for 10, or even 7 years, but when you get 7 years in and there's no close vision of closing the distance, I'm not just going to give up on it. You do it because you have to, because it's worth it in the end.

Thanks. I am glad to know people make it through so well. It is silly because I miss him a lot. All the time.

[Moon]

Yes, that is what we planned first but it would be a lot harder for me to become a UK citizen, I don't do planes, and I don't want to be that far from my family.

Sorry to be blunt, but if you have any intention of being in a working international LDR, you're gonna need to learn to "do planes". Are you sure HE wants to be that far from his family?

[Britanica]

My SOs best friend has been in a LDR 6 years with a woman from my country, they even have a baby now. The only reason he can even get visitor visa is because her mother is a garantist, she herself doesn't make that much money. . They are applying for family reunion visa now, which will take about a year if they get it. His name is on her door but he will not be there soon.

Me and SO has been in a LDR about one and a half year. We know we will spend lots of time together this year but not sure about next. If he is moving here he has to start learning my language soon. I am currently learning his. We have no real plan to close the distance - no timephrame. I have learned to not plan too far ahead. I prioritize most of my money towards this relationship because otherwise I couldn't afford visits etc. If we have to be long distance "forever ", I would still do it because he is worth it.

Thank you for the inspiring words. I hope it works out for you and the friend's family as well.

[Britanica]

Hello! I don't have much to add here other than that I completely understand where you're coming from. My SO and I are both students, so little to no income greatly influences how often we are able to see each other and when we will be able to close the distance. It is extremely tough. I get it. I just wanted to say that I hope it all works out for you and that you are able to close the distance soon.

Also, shoutout to those of you (cough cough, I'm looking at you BlueCat) who make it through so many years long distance. This is the hardest thing that I've ever had to do and you guys are truly an inspiration to keep on moving and waiting for that one day that will happen eventually!

Money seems to be the reason why so many LDR have to be stuck at a distance for so long. It sucks.

[Britanica]

Sorry to be blunt, but if you have any intention of being in a working international LDR, you're gonna need to learn to "do planes". Are you sure HE wants to be that far from his family?

Yes, he is not that close with his family. He doesn't mind being the one who visits and moves. I was going to break it off when I realized I couldn't do it, moving and going there, but he wouldn't let me. We both agreed it would be easier for him to become a US citizen then for me to get in the UK. And it is a short process as well. I plan on going there, to the UK, after he moves here. Just to visit and stuff but I will have to go via cruise. His mother actually understands why I can't go there right away. She too has anxiety problems.

[Britanica]

Like everyone said, why not move to him? If he's got great prospects there, while yours aren't so great, why not just go, while you still can? Money is always, always a challenge in an LDR, travel isn't cheap, especially internationally, so you need to be more creative about it. I see you haven't met yet, so stop worrying about who's moving where, and worry about meeting first. Both of you can put your money together and get one plane ticket, then you just have to decide on which place you'll meet. Look for budget carriers, off season, and you may be able to do it for well less than $1000. Stop putting the cart before the horse, and meet each other first, then after a few of those, you can move on to who'll relocate. Money will always be an issue, but you just have to worry about one visit at a time, and fund that.

He is coming here in about 5 weeks to stay for 9 days.