What's the longest you've gone with no communication?

[Harlequin]

OMG you folks who have daily and almost-daily chats are soooo lucky. Mine goes and hides in his lair, and there are times when I didn't have answers to my emails for months. When I would phone, let it ring 10x, no answer. When I send a letter, or care package, and get no ack of receipt. You want to dial up the frequency and intensity, but at the same time you're afraid of scaring him off.

I know that I can spend way less to call him than he does to call me. We are too far apart (and too broke!) to just hop on a plane to say hi. I crave more frequent contact, but I know that whatever I do get is precious and worth savoring. (sigh)

Uh...there seems to be something very amiss in your relationship.

[NewToLongDistance2016]

When I started dating a guy who lived in a different city, his texting habits have been something I have needed to get used to. Some days its just a couple texts and others it is a convo. He disappears on me when it comes to text and that does frustrate me. We Skype 1x or 2x a week, where we spend an hour or more talking. I don't need constant texts, but I will not accept a whole day going by w/out any sort of text (he did once cause he was "busy", but he did apologize). Sometimes the answer comes 6 or more hours later, which I am also getting used to. We do text good morning/night for the most part. Idk, I guess I will have to play it by ear, he did tell me he should text me more w/out me mentioning anything and I did tell him I didn't like not hearing from him a whole day. Sometimes I take a long time to answer back if he took forever. He also said he was a bad texter.

[ThePhoenixRises]

@ Harlequin - I was just thinking that myself. No answers to emails for months? No acknowledgement or thanks for care packages or letters? I would kick my SO's ass if he did this! There is something amiss if one partner is afraid of scaring the other one off (by just wanting reasonable communication)...or perhaps we don't have the full story? Sorry - I am actually just really curious about the situation.

[Chris516]

I try to talk to my SO daily. I feel absolutely terrible if I can't have a simple conversation daily.

[Mims27]

Right now, it's been almost 14hours and I'm going nuts. I know she's busy with family but still.
I'm alone and I have no one to talk to...it's testing my anxiety.

[R&R]

We just finished 48 hours with no contact. The last time we had talked, I knew he was having phone issues, so it didn't come as a total surprise. However, with the wedding only a few weeks away, it was bad timing.

[rwarren]

Sorry - I am actually just really curious about the situation.

I love someone who has difficulty accepting love, in the romance and flowers kind of sense; as well as showing emotion of any kind. He is a loner who does not share inner thoughts easily. When I see this vulnerable side, it is beautiful and I want more, but he withdraws to deal with whatever he is going through. And if I want him in my life, I have to accept this, or he will push me away forever. it is incredibly difficult and upsetting, even after all these years, but I keep the faith that we can one day be a "normal couple."

Right now he has some major health issues. I am prepared to drop my patheitic excuse for a life here, and jump on a plane, but he won't talk about it. His care package from two weeks ago, not yet acknowledged, sent regular mail because too cheap to use XPressPost ($16 vs $40). A present for him, a medical device, which I found after sending the care package, I have asked more than once: Do I put it in the mail, or deliver it in person? No response.

I am under enormous pressure from "friends" and family to abandon him, to give up on my hopes and dreams, and to become one of those shallow people who settle for Mr. Right Now. or 2nd, 3rd, 100th best. (Assuming I haven't killed myself first.)

Whenever I tell someone I love them, they either run away or die. I am scared of losing him.

[QueenReginaMills]

We talk every day. This last week he's been on a family holiday which has made it more difficult but we have managed it.

[differentcountries]

We usually send at least a few messages a day, but for a very long time we have not been able to call or Skype. When I worked only part time, I was able to accomodate to his busy scedule much more. Now, in theory I have a more flexible job than he does, but I am not an expert in it yet and I am still trying to just cope daytime when he is working middle/evening shift. It is like an aching hole. Sometimes I sort of give up contacting him, just to make him be the one who says I miss you first. I know that working full time will make our economy much better, but so far it has only made me spend more on computers and what not, and making it harder to see him.... It is hard. I have asked him when we can Skype and he has not let me know. I could push for it, but I feel so tired myself. If I want to see him, I must bring work and really put in the hours. I am happy he got a better job, but our jobs combined makes it hard to be in contact the way I want.

[Harlequin]

I love someone who has difficulty accepting love, in the romance and flowers kind of sense; as well as showing emotion of any kind. He is a loner who does not share inner thoughts easily. When I see this vulnerable side, it is beautiful and I want more, but he withdraws to deal with whatever he is going through. And if I want him in my life, I have to accept this, or he will push me away forever. it is incredibly difficult and upsetting, even after all these years, but I keep the faith that we can one day be a "normal couple."

Right now he has some major health issues. I am prepared to drop my patheitic excuse for a life here, and jump on a plane, but he won't talk about it. His care package from two weeks ago, not yet acknowledged, sent regular mail because too cheap to use XPressPost ($16 vs $40). A present for him, a medical device, which I found after sending the care package, I have asked more than once: Do I put it in the mail, or deliver it in person? No response.

I am under enormous pressure from "friends" and family to abandon him, to give up on my hopes and dreams, and to become one of those shallow people who settle for Mr. Right Now. or 2nd, 3rd, 100th best. (Assuming I haven't killed myself first.)

Whenever I tell someone I love them, they either run away or die. I am scared of losing him.

In an attempt to not come across as a shallow person who settles for Mr. Right Now, you're coming across as a desperate and insecure person who's settling for Mr. Not Ever. You deserve to be with someone who's actually going to treat you like you matter, because you DO matter. This guy sounds like a waste of time, and it really doesn't sound like he cares for you much at all. You shouldn't have to approach a relationship like it's a wild rabbit you're trying to catch. You shouldn't be in a relationship in which you hope you can be a "normal couple".
You deserve a hell of a lot better than what you're currently getting. You also need to understand that someone dying or running off is not your fault. Like, that's completely out of your control. If you aren't seeking out a therapist, then I really think you ought to. You need to learn how to let go of your demons and love yourself. You need to understand that you are worth WAY more than what you're currently getting out of this relationship. Find your self esteem. Being with someone who will actually treat you right isn't settling.

[Honour]

I love someone who has difficulty accepting love, in the romance and flowers kind of sense; as well as showing emotion of any kind. He is a loner who does not share inner thoughts easily. When I see this vulnerable side, it is beautiful and I want more, but he withdraws to deal with whatever he is going through. And if I want him in my life, I have to accept this, or he will push me away forever. it is incredibly difficult and upsetting, even after all these years, but I keep the faith that we can one day be a "normal couple."

Right now he has some major health issues. I am prepared to drop my patheitic excuse for a life here, and jump on a plane, but he won't talk about it. His care package from two weeks ago, not yet acknowledged, sent regular mail because too cheap to use XPressPost ($16 vs $40). A present for him, a medical device, which I found after sending the care package, I have asked more than once: Do I put it in the mail, or deliver it in person? No response.

I am under enormous pressure from "friends" and family to abandon him, to give up on my hopes and dreams, and to become one of those shallow people who settle for Mr. Right Now. or 2nd, 3rd, 100th best. (Assuming I haven't killed myself first.)

Whenever I tell someone I love them, they either run away or die. I am scared of losing him.

I might come across as being a heartless asshole by saying this, but eh. You've got some major issues and you need help. You also need to start listening to the reason WHY these people keep putting pressure on you. There's a good reason for it.

[Chris516]

I love someone who has difficulty accepting love, in the romance and flowers kind of sense; as well as showing emotion of any kind. He is a loner who does not share inner thoughts easily. When I see this vulnerable side, it is beautiful and I want more, but he withdraws to deal with whatever he is going through. And if I want him in my life, I have to accept this, or he will push me away forever. it is incredibly difficult and upsetting, even after all these years, but I keep the faith that we can one day be a "normal couple."

Right now he has some major health issues. I am prepared to drop my pathetic excuse for a life here, and jump on a plane, but he won't talk about it. His care package from two weeks ago, not yet acknowledged, sent regular mail because too cheap to use XPressPost ($16 vs $40). A present for him, a medical device, which I found after sending the care package, I have asked more than once: Do I put it in the mail, or deliver it in person? No response.

I am under enormous pressure from "friends" and family to abandon him, to give up on my hopes and dreams, and to become one of those shallow people who settle for Mr. Right Now. or 2nd, 3rd, 100th best. (Assuming I haven't killed myself first.)

Whenever I tell someone I love them, they either run away or die. I am scared of losing him.

Your friends' n' family definitely don't accept you, the way a person should be accepted. His level of communication is not the best, but your level of commitment is. We don't live in an 'off the rack' world. That is something your friends' n' family are forgetting.

[rwarren]

If you aren't seeking out a therapist, then I really think you ought to. You need to learn how to let go of your demons and love yourself. You need to understand that you are worth WAY more than what you're currently getting out of this relationship. Find your self esteem. Being with someone who will actually treat you right isn't settling.

I apologize for derailing this thread.

I am well familiar with the world of therapy. I've been "therapied" since high school, maybe even earlier. You either: (a) pay your money, cry for an hour, the therapists nods and makes notes (if they are even listening), and then time's up, schedules the next session. You're just a cash machine, nothing more. Or (b) you have a free session, you cry for 45 minutes, the final 10 are used to push you off on someone else, the therapists nods and makes notes so you can be "discussed" and "analyzed" (e.g. for student homework), but not actually helped. And you have to tell your story over and over again -- the good parts, the messy parts. It is unproductive, it is upsetting, and it doesn't bring him and I any closer, physically or emotionally. You ask point blank: "How does this bring us together?!" and the so-called professional sits there gobsmacked.

Drifting in and out of superficial relationships, that please other people but not me, is not loving myself. Guys here aren't interested in me, and the feeling is more than mutual. (And yes, I have tried, with many disastrous results.) Anyone who would "treat me right" and be an interesting, sensitive, funny, whatever on the checklist -- is either married or gay. or lives far away.

Please can we take any further discussion about this offline.

[snow]

I apologize for derailing this thread.

I am well familiar with the world of therapy. I've been "therapied" since high school, maybe even earlier. You either: (a) pay your money, cry for an hour, the therapists nods and makes notes (if they are even listening), and then time's up, schedules the next session. You're just a cash machine, nothing more. Or (b) you have a free session, you cry for 45 minutes, the final 10 are used to push you off on someone else, the therapists nods and makes notes so you can be "discussed" and "analyzed" (e.g. for student homework), but not actually helped. And you have to tell your story over and over again -- the good parts, the messy parts. It is unproductive, it is upsetting, and it doesn't bring him and I any closer, physically or emotionally. You ask point blank: "How does this bring us together?!" and the so-called professional sits there gobsmacked.

Drifting in and out of superficial relationships, that please other people but not me, is not loving myself. Guys here aren't interested in me, and the feeling is more than mutual. (And yes, I have tried, with many disastrous results.) Anyone who would "treat me right" and be an interesting, sensitive, funny, whatever on the checklist -- is either married or gay. or lives far away.

Please can we take any further discussion about this offline.

So you settle for someone who treats you worse than you should be treated because you think you cannot have someone who will treat you right because they might live far away? How about you stay single and start loving yourself before you punish yourself by being in a relationship with someone who doesn't want to be around you / only ever talks to you if they feel like it. There is tons of people out in the world. I found mine "far away" and now we're living together. Don't settle for less than you deserve.

[hmrambling]

I am well familiar with the world of therapy. I've been "therapied" since high school, maybe even earlier. You either: (a) pay your money, cry for an hour, the therapists nods and makes notes (if they are even listening), and then time's up, schedules the next session. You're just a cash machine, nothing more. Or (b) you have a free session, you cry for 45 minutes, the final 10 are used to push you off on someone else, the therapists nods and makes notes so you can be "discussed" and "analyzed" (e.g. for student homework), but not actually helped. And you have to tell your story over and over again -- the good parts, the messy parts. It is unproductive, it is upsetting, and it doesn't bring him and I any closer, physically or emotionally. You ask point blank: "How does this bring us together?!" and the so-called professional sits there gobsmacked.

If you've been in therapy since high school, why are all of these "you" statements instead of "I" statements?

The experience that you share has not been my experience with therapists. Perhaps it was your experience, but has not been mine. There is always an option to terminate services if I am not happy. I've quit a therapist before when I didn't feel like I was making progress.

I also believe that I get out of therapy what I put into it. My relationships are healthier as a result of the work that I've done in therapy. Also, the healthier that I became, the healthier people that I attracted. I am less attracted to unhealthy people.