So my boyfriend wants to go to a festival...

[krxssy]

And it's going to be for 7 days where I would barely be able to talk to him... Him and his friends are gonna be living in tents and all that.. He's said he wasn't gonna do anything like sleep with a girl or stuff like that but I can't help but be worried. We often talked about this fest when I was supposed to be there already and he said it was his dream to go. But idk I feel kinda iffy about it... What should I do :/

[Petals]

There's nothing you can do except trust him. It's really his decision to go the festival and you know that it's something that he really wants to do. We can't control the actions of our partners. Maybe you could ask him to work out a mode of communication during that time...maybe a quick phone call/text every other day or something.

During that week, make plans with friends to keep busy so you are not sitting around thinking about what he may or may not be doing. Let him have his fun...learn to trust him until he gives you a reason to think otherwise.

[Miasmata]

I can only second what Petals said. Trust really is the most important thing in a relationship. I totally get you are nervous, but ask yourself, has he really given you a reason to distrust him? Does your worry come because he's likely to cheat on you or because you are afraid he's not into you enough? If it's the latter, recognize that it's a confidence issue with yourself more than him. It happens to the best of us - We worry if we are good enough for our partners, and if they are truly as devoted to us as we are to them. But honestly, remember that he chose YOU, and loves YOU! And unless he's a supremely terrible person, that's not going to change just because he went to a music festival. Do you think he deserves your trust? Then trust him

[Marouane]

First thing should build in the relationships is the trust, it's like the foot of relationships. If there is no trust there between each other, I don't think that relationship stays long. If he thinks of you, he will avoid anything would bothers you.
Try both of you to talk about commitment and limits between each other, Just rest your mind and talk with him. And things will be fine

[hmrambling]

Trust is earned over time, it's not automatically given. Do the two of you already have an established trust between the two of you? Have there been any instances where in the past you felt like there was a reason to not trust him? Has he been disloyal or dishonest? Would your partner be supportive if you wanted to take a trip for a festival or something similar? If you are worried about this trip, the two of you might not have an established trust in the relationship. What causes you to worry?

So many times here I read that we have to trust until something happens that we don't trust the other person, but trust isn't automatic. Trust takes time, and is established over time.

Relationship trust quiz: https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/quizzes/take_quiz/5

I suggest you talk with your SO about the ground rules and deal breakers in your relationship, not only for this trip.

[Petals]

Trust is earned over time, it's not automatically given. Do the two of you already have an established trust between the two of you? Have there been any instances where in the past you felt like there was a reason to not trust him? Has he been disloyal or dishonest? Would your partner be supportive if you wanted to take a trip for a festival or something similar? If you are worried about this trip, the two of you might not have an established trust in the relationship. What causes you to worry?

So many times here I read that we have to trust until something happens that we don't trust the other person, but trust isn't automatic. Trust takes time, and is established over time.

Relationship trust quiz: https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/quizzes/take_quiz/5

Well, she can decide not to trust him and demand that he doesn't go to the festival and/or she can sit at home and blow up his phone while he's there and see how much that works out for a healthy relationship. We can't control other people and the sooner the OP realises that the better for her. If he cheats then that's totally his choice and nothing she could have done about it. If he's not trustworthy then she shouldn't be in a relationship with him. IMO, a LDR with someone who finds it difficult to trust their SO is just asking for turmoil, unless the partner is passive and doesn't have a mind of their own or a social life.

[hmrambling]

OP has trust issues, and in previous posts has inquired as to whether or not we think that her SO may be cheating... She is the author of Am i crazy or am i just paranoid? , LDR Bf got a job as a bartender..... Please help and Need advice!.

OP's previous posts do not indicate that there is established trust at all. In fact, she is concerned about "slutty thirsty women constantly hitting on him [SO]" and whether or not he's cheating.

OP certainly can't control other people. Her SO has his own free will. Her worrying is not going to remedy whatever is going on in the relationship, which is I why I suggested that she consider answering the questions in my previous post. Maybe that will help her figure out where she is and how she feels about things.

[krxssy]

[QUOTE=hmrambling;401603]OP has trust issues, and in previous posts has inquired as to whether or not we think that her SO may be cheating... She is the author of [
OP's previous posts do not indicate that there is established trust at all. In fact, she is concerned about "slutty thirsty women constantly hitting on him [SO]" and whether or not he's cheating.

OP certainly can't control other people. Her SO has his own free will. Her worrying is not going to remedy whatever is going on in the relationship, which is I why I suggested that she consider answering the questions in my previous post. Maybe that will help her figure out where she is and how she feels about things.



Heyhey.. No one ever said there was no trust at all. I ask those stuff because I'm new at this and if I were not to have any of those insecurities then that wouldn't make me human. I ask because I need advice from people who are supposed to be "veterans" at this. Not a judgmental mind. It's not that I don't trust him. If he were here I wouldn't even be needing to get advice anyway from this website. Sorry my bad I wasn't born to be ready for ldr And am threatened by distance and situations that I am not used to. If it's so easy for you then damn man good for you. But you also just can't objectify and judge a relationship by a couple of emotional posts.

[whatruckus]

Heyhey.. No one ever said there was no trust at all. I ask those stuff because I'm new at this and if I were not to have any of those insecurities then that wouldn't make me human. I ask because I need advice from people who are supposed to be "veterans" at this. Not a judgmental mind. It's not that I don't trust him. If he were here I wouldn't even be needing to get advice anyway from this website. Sorry my bad I wasn't born to be ready for ldr And am threatened by distance and situations that I am not used to. If it's so easy for you then damn man good for you. But you also just can't objectify and judge a relationship by a couple of emotional posts.

You've been dating him for a year. From your posts, you insinuate many times that you can not trust him. How else are we going to perceive your relationship when 95% of your posts are you asking us if we think he's cheating, or how to cope with your insecurity issues? You're not the only one that has them. It's not easy for any of us, but we also don't dwell on thoughts that our SO's might be cheating, or looking at other people. These are things you should be bringing up with your SO. What exactly are you so worried about with him going to this festival? You made it a point to mention that he said he wouldn't be with any girls. Which, to me, that's a weird thing for him to mention to you and a weird thing to point out to us.

I have major trust issues since I dated my ex. And major insecurities. Even when my SO was gone for his academy training to be a Prison Guard, and when he was away with the military, he never once had to mention to me that he wasn't going to hang out with other girls. Were there girls there? Of course. But, I didn't worry, and I didn't need to hear from him that he wasn't going to do that sort of thing. The fact that it even crossed your SO's mind to mention it is odd to me.

If you honestly trust your SO, you wouldn't be making those posts, or having those types of thoughts. Yes, every now and then, they might flash across our minds, but we also know our SO's well enough...and our relationships well enough, to know cheating and flirting isn't going to happen. On either one of our ends.

[krxssy]

You've been dating him for a year. From your posts, you insinuate many times that you can not trust him. How else are we going to perceive your relationship when 95% of your posts are you asking us if we think he's cheating, or how to cope with your insecurity issues? You're not the only one that has them. It's not easy for any of us, but we also don't dwell on thoughts that our SO's might be cheating, or looking at other people. These are things you should be bringing up with your SO. What exactly are you so worried about with him going to this festival? You made it a point to mention that he said he wouldn't be with any girls. Which, to me, that's a weird thing for him to mention to you and a weird thing to point out to us.

I have major trust issues since I dated my ex. And major insecurities. Even when my SO was gone for his academy training to be a Prison Guard, and when he was away with the military, he never once had to mention to me that he wasn't going to hang out with other girls. Were there girls there? Of course. But, I didn't worry, and I didn't need to hear from him that he wasn't going to do that sort of thing. The fact that it even crossed your SO's mind to mention it is odd to me.

If you honestly trust your SO, you wouldn't be making those posts, or having those types of thoughts. Yes, every now and then, they might flash across our minds, but we also know our SO's well enough...and our relationships well enough, to know cheating and flirting isn't going to happen. On either one of our ends.

He brought it up because I asked him straight up what if the opportunity arises what if a girl asks him to fuck in a tent what would he do that's why he answered that and put it on here. And yeah I know basically all my posts are about my insecurities with ldr I didn't think I needed to put all the good stuff on here?? It's not like I'm updating anyone right? And not like I post everyday about it. I'm looking for advice from people going through the same thing. Not all my friends Irl have ldrs so who am I going to ask advice from. Like I said. I trust him man it's just like I said distance changes a lot of things and makes it more difficult. I've been cheated on by past bfs which is why I have issues. But so what. at random times I think it might happen again which is why again I even post on this website. To be honest you don't even know me. You don't know my relationship. I'm on here because I need help with certain points in this ldr. I've posted what like 5 times or something? And that doesn't define my relationship.

[whatruckus]

He brought it up because I asked him straight up what if the opportunity arises what if a girl asks him to fuck in a tent what would he do that's why he answered that and put it on here. And yeah I know basically all my posts are about my insecurities with ldr I didn't think I needed to put all the good stuff on here?? It's not like I'm updating anyone right? And not like I post everyday about it. I'm looking for advice from people going through the same thing. Not all my friends Irl have ldrs so who am I going to ask advice from. Like I said. I trust him man it's just like I said distance changes a lot of things and makes it more difficult. I've been cheated on by past bfs which is why I have issues. But so what. at random times I think it might happen again which is why again I even post on this website. To be honest you don't even know me. You don't know my relationship. I'm on here because I need help with certain points in this ldr. I've posted what like 5 times or something? And that doesn't define my relationship.

You shouldn't even have to ask your boyfriend a question like that. You've made it pretty obvious to him now that you do not, in fact, trust him. If you've been together for this long, and half of it was CD, how did you cope with him going out? Did you trust him when you were closer? What makes it so different that you can't trust him now and question him, and what he's going to do, every time he wants to do something? If you can't trust him, you never will.

I've been cheated on too. Multiple times. A lot of us on here have. But, we never ask our SO's the questions you asked yours.

You don't trust him. You never did.

If you honestly trust him, you would have NEVER asked him if he would fuck another girl if the opportunity came up. Never.

[krxssy]

You shouldn't even have to ask your boyfriend a question like that. You've made it pretty obvious to him now that you do not, in fact, trust him. If you've been together for this long, and half of it was CD, how did you cope with him going out? Did you trust him when you were closer? What makes it so different that you can't trust him now and question him, and what he's going to do, every time he wants to do something? If you can't trust him, you never will.

I've been cheated on too. Multiple times. A lot of us on here have. But, we never ask our SO's the questions you asked yours.

You don't trust him. You never did.

If you honestly trust him, you would have NEVER asked him if he would fuck another girl if the opportunity came up. Never.

It's my life tho... Who are you to tell me what I should and shouldn't do.. If it helps me why shouldn't I ask him? Why am I even explaining this to you! I worry because we can't have sex. Valid or not?