I'm not really sure where to begin, so I guess I'll try to make this brief.
I'm 18 years old. I've had experience with long distance friendships before as well as something like a relationship that never really got to take off,it was in secret and when I finally brought it up to my family that I wanted to be with her, they shut me down and made me cut communication. That was about three years ago. Since then, I've gotten all the way through high school. I kept in contact with a few of the friends I met online, unbeknownst to my family. One of them is my friend Taylor, who turns 17 in a few weeks. A few months ago, Taylor and I had a discussion about our feelings, in which she said that if we ever were to get together, things most likely wouldn't work because of my family, and the distance. I thought she was simply writing us off when she said that, but a few days ago we had a conversation, and she clarified that when she said that, she wasn't trying to write the idea of us off, she was merely giving me the option since she knew how my family was and didn't want to put me through any stress. I was already pretty comfortable with myself and she was a great addition to my life, so to know that she also considered me a great addition to hers was wonderful.
Now here is the problem. My family values education over everything else except God. Before I think about girls at all, I must have my first degree. Now if I knew that after 21-22 I could date Taylor with no qualms, I probably wouldn't have much of an issue waiting and just staying friends for now. And I get it, I still have growing up to do, even if I am 18. But that's the other issue. My family is completely against LDRs or anything of the sort that contains someone I never met in person. They have the stereotypical fears of her being some sort of predator or pedophile.
I've tried to disregard this with her and the other friends I'd made as we had talked for years, texted, had phone calls and exchanged sign pictures (pictures where you ask someone to make a specific sign for you that contains your name and anything else you want, in order to discourage the idea of a fake picture from google images). I even spoke to Taylor's mom in particular. The only thing I haven't done with Taylor yet is Skyped. I brought all of this information up but never even had a chance to show my family the sign pictures or let them talk to her mom, they just shut everything down and forbid me from talking about her or anyone else I met online. That was a little while ago, a few months to a year ago.
In this current moment, Taylor and I still talk behind my parents' back. I know that's wrong, yet to cut someone off when you know your intentions are well founded and that you have enough evidence to discredit assumptions seems worse. Her family seems okay with me, her mom has even on occasion asked if we were dating. It's only my family that presents a problem.
I feel horrible, because I know that once I reach the age my family prefers, Taylor would be the first one I call. I wouldn't want to put her through waiting for me, and we discussed this and she seems to want all or nothing (relationship or friends). To make someone wait for three years seems crazy, yet at the same time I don't want to give her up. I don't want to just be friends on the slim chance that she'll be single in three years (she's absolutely gorgeous to me and a keeper, any guy would be lucky to have her). I was debating waiting for her to get a computer before bringing this up again even though I've been forbidden (her current computer is busted), so that in case I could actually somehow get my parents to budge enough, they could meet over Skype. Even so, we could probably do it on her phone now if my family would accept that and if her phone worked well with Skype. It would be such a tough sell though, seeing their well founded yet sort of extreme dislike for LDRs, as well as the fact that our races are different (she's Caucasian born in the USA, my family is from Africa born and raised and I was born here in the USA).
I just need advice. Sorry for the length.
I'm 18 years old. I've had experience with long distance friendships before as well as something like a relationship that never really got to take off,it was in secret and when I finally brought it up to my family that I wanted to be with her, they shut me down and made me cut communication. That was about three years ago. Since then, I've gotten all the way through high school. I kept in contact with a few of the friends I met online, unbeknownst to my family. One of them is my friend Taylor, who turns 17 in a few weeks. A few months ago, Taylor and I had a discussion about our feelings, in which she said that if we ever were to get together, things most likely wouldn't work because of my family, and the distance. I thought she was simply writing us off when she said that, but a few days ago we had a conversation, and she clarified that when she said that, she wasn't trying to write the idea of us off, she was merely giving me the option since she knew how my family was and didn't want to put me through any stress. I was already pretty comfortable with myself and she was a great addition to my life, so to know that she also considered me a great addition to hers was wonderful.
Now here is the problem. My family values education over everything else except God. Before I think about girls at all, I must have my first degree. Now if I knew that after 21-22 I could date Taylor with no qualms, I probably wouldn't have much of an issue waiting and just staying friends for now. And I get it, I still have growing up to do, even if I am 18. But that's the other issue. My family is completely against LDRs or anything of the sort that contains someone I never met in person. They have the stereotypical fears of her being some sort of predator or pedophile.
I've tried to disregard this with her and the other friends I'd made as we had talked for years, texted, had phone calls and exchanged sign pictures (pictures where you ask someone to make a specific sign for you that contains your name and anything else you want, in order to discourage the idea of a fake picture from google images). I even spoke to Taylor's mom in particular. The only thing I haven't done with Taylor yet is Skyped. I brought all of this information up but never even had a chance to show my family the sign pictures or let them talk to her mom, they just shut everything down and forbid me from talking about her or anyone else I met online. That was a little while ago, a few months to a year ago.
In this current moment, Taylor and I still talk behind my parents' back. I know that's wrong, yet to cut someone off when you know your intentions are well founded and that you have enough evidence to discredit assumptions seems worse. Her family seems okay with me, her mom has even on occasion asked if we were dating. It's only my family that presents a problem.
I feel horrible, because I know that once I reach the age my family prefers, Taylor would be the first one I call. I wouldn't want to put her through waiting for me, and we discussed this and she seems to want all or nothing (relationship or friends). To make someone wait for three years seems crazy, yet at the same time I don't want to give her up. I don't want to just be friends on the slim chance that she'll be single in three years (she's absolutely gorgeous to me and a keeper, any guy would be lucky to have her). I was debating waiting for her to get a computer before bringing this up again even though I've been forbidden (her current computer is busted), so that in case I could actually somehow get my parents to budge enough, they could meet over Skype. Even so, we could probably do it on her phone now if my family would accept that and if her phone worked well with Skype. It would be such a tough sell though, seeing their well founded yet sort of extreme dislike for LDRs, as well as the fact that our races are different (she's Caucasian born in the USA, my family is from Africa born and raised and I was born here in the USA).
I just need advice. Sorry for the length.
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