Hi all,
My SO and I are in a new LDR. We have known each other for a few years (and have lived 1000 miles apart the whole time.) Our friendship developed over a few years in which he visited my town a few times a year to see friends/family, and the relationship turned into more than friends around Christmas when he was visiting and decided shortly after that this is in fact an exclusive romantic relationship. I have been able to visit him once, in early February, and am tentatively planning another trip in early April.
Both J and I lead very busy lives, but so far have managed to text daily and talk on the phone around 3-4 times per week for anywhere between 20 minutes and over an hour. We tend to talk about what we did that day or what we are looking forward to that week, and now that I'm starting to know a few of his friends a bit that gives us more to talk about. For the most part our conversations are great, and get along pretty well.
The thing I need advice on is this: in any significant relationship, there are a lot of important discussions to have to get to know each other deeply, determine compatibility, and figure out if the relationship can go the distance. I am struggling with how to start introducing some discussions like this into our relationship when we are apart. Toward the end of our first visit, we started this a bit, but I personally have trouble right now trying to raise such topics when we are apart because we don't get to spend that much time interacting and I don't want this to devolve into a situation where someone is pressing big discussions about "the relationship" every stinking time we are on the phone, because it is also very important to just enjoy talking to each other and sharing about day to day life.
I am particularly interested in being sensitive on this fo largely because he got out of a serious relationship a few months ago and it would be foolish of me to push to hard early on if I want to develop a lasting relationship with him, which at this point I'm thinking I do. I just don't want to be in a mode where it seems like the only time we really get to discuss this stuff is when we are together a few times a year.
Other facts - we are 41 and 47, and both almost a bit like Luddites. We are not currently much in for using Skype or other video chat at this point, and we are definitely not phone/skype sex type people.
Advice appreciated!
My SO and I are in a new LDR. We have known each other for a few years (and have lived 1000 miles apart the whole time.) Our friendship developed over a few years in which he visited my town a few times a year to see friends/family, and the relationship turned into more than friends around Christmas when he was visiting and decided shortly after that this is in fact an exclusive romantic relationship. I have been able to visit him once, in early February, and am tentatively planning another trip in early April.
Both J and I lead very busy lives, but so far have managed to text daily and talk on the phone around 3-4 times per week for anywhere between 20 minutes and over an hour. We tend to talk about what we did that day or what we are looking forward to that week, and now that I'm starting to know a few of his friends a bit that gives us more to talk about. For the most part our conversations are great, and get along pretty well.
The thing I need advice on is this: in any significant relationship, there are a lot of important discussions to have to get to know each other deeply, determine compatibility, and figure out if the relationship can go the distance. I am struggling with how to start introducing some discussions like this into our relationship when we are apart. Toward the end of our first visit, we started this a bit, but I personally have trouble right now trying to raise such topics when we are apart because we don't get to spend that much time interacting and I don't want this to devolve into a situation where someone is pressing big discussions about "the relationship" every stinking time we are on the phone, because it is also very important to just enjoy talking to each other and sharing about day to day life.
I am particularly interested in being sensitive on this fo largely because he got out of a serious relationship a few months ago and it would be foolish of me to push to hard early on if I want to develop a lasting relationship with him, which at this point I'm thinking I do. I just don't want to be in a mode where it seems like the only time we really get to discuss this stuff is when we are together a few times a year.
Other facts - we are 41 and 47, and both almost a bit like Luddites. We are not currently much in for using Skype or other video chat at this point, and we are definitely not phone/skype sex type people.
Advice appreciated!
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