✔ Give and receive support from others who are loving from a distance.
✔ Post anonymously with a click of a button in our anonymous sections.
✔ All members each get a personal blog - share your LDR journey or use it as a private journal (posts can be made private).
✔ Participate in community activities and events.
✔ Registering unlocks photos posted in threads.
I'm so sorry to hear this, but as you've said, it's for the best. Who knows what the future holds. Take care of yourself for now and focus on you!
Sending a big hug your way. I'm glad you'll be sticking around
Many hugs for you. You're a strong person and you've got tons of support from all of us here at LFAD. We adore you and at the end of the day, this mutual decision is what is best for you guys - as individuals - right now.
I'm so sorry for this! I'd send you tons of internet hugs! I really hope that this will be a good thing for you and as out of limbo, you can fully focus on yourself and the constantly uncertainity will disapear, making you feel better.
I don't really have anything to add that hasn't been covered already. I know it was a tough situation and a tough decision. I'm here if you ever want to talk <3
So, here you are
too foreign for home
too foreign for here.
Never enough for both. Ijeoma Umebinyuo, Diaspora Blues
It sounds like you've taken (and will be taking) time to sort this through. I've heard it said that being in a relationship is like taking Miracle Gro and pouring it all over character defects. Relationships force us to look at the areas that we stand to improve and give us an opportunity to grow from it. I understand that it was a hard call. It also has been a growing experience. Thanks for sharing your experience.
I find that my SO calls the person that she is no longer in a relationship her "partner at the time". I call all of the people that I was ever in a relationship with exes. It doesn't really matter to me whether they wronged me or not, I call them exes. I don't have any association with wrongdoing and the word ex, though. It depends on the person.
Sending healing energies to you and wishing you the best during this time. It helped for me to read a book called "Uncoupling" which helped me through my last break up.
I'm really sorry whatruckus, but sometimes doing things like this are for the absolute best. At least you're still in touch, and maybe one day, who knows. Either way... best of luck.
Thank you all. Like I said, I'm not going anywhere. This community has really helped me. More than I thought it would, to be honest. I really wish there was a way we could all meet up. It would be awesome to have like an LFAD Convention. Lol.
I'm mostly fine. I'm obviously sad about what happened with me and Mike, but I knew it was coming. It wasn't a matter of "if", but always a matter of "when". I knew he wasn't happy, I knew I wasn't happy. I am more determined to get my life on track and move out. I really want to move.
I get into my moments where I get sad, and I miss him. And, I know it's going to take me a long time to get over this. But, like everyone has said...at least I have an answer and I have some peace. The break was worse than the break up. Constantly tormented by not knowing. It was terrible.
We started getting into little arguments lately too. I was just mad...all the time. And, he was mad and stressed, on top of the stress he was already under that put the strain on our relationship to begin with.
I really do want to stay friends with him. He's a big part of my life, and there's no doubt that we didn't love each other and that we didn't want to be with each other. He just...I don't know. He could never express himself. Instead of asking me to give him some space, he just ignored me because he thought that was easier. But, through all the research that I'd done, and still do, that's something big that they all do. They just.......shut down and clam up. I have some other friends that I talk to on Facebook that have gone through what I've gone through, and they all say that it's pretty much textbook what happened. Some were able to work through it, and come back to each other, some weren't.
I feel kind of weird. Like, I feel like I should be sadder. But, I kind of feel...at peace? Or, I guess relieved? I have no idea. It's the same thing when my Grandfather passed away. I was really sad, but relieved because his suffering was over. Plus, it was a long time coming, he'd been in and out of the hospital for a couple of years.
I don't regret us meeting, I don't regret us dating, I don't regret trying to make it work. I regret that it didn't work, and I regret that he's still miserable. But, I know that he and I can both safely say that I never gave up on him. From the beginning, he was always saying that he "knew" I wasn't going to stay, that I was probably going to leave him, that I couldn't handle it, and that I was going to give up. But...nope. You all know, and I know, and he better know, that I never gave up. Even until the other day. I was still fighting. I always told him, and I promised him, that I was going to be here until he didn't want to be with me any more. I mean, I'm still here for him if he needs me. I'll always be there as his support and as a friend. He always told me that I was the only person who understood him.
I do feel somewhat like a failure, just because I personally feel like I didn't do a good job trying to make him happy. But, I know that's just my self confidence and insecurities acting up, and my mind messing me up.
It started off because on Saturday, I got really mad at him because I hadn't heard from him since Tues, and he'd been ignoring me and not responding to me for days at a time. I was worried. I raged on him. I regret that I raged on him, and cursed at him, but I was just so mad. I got fed up being ignored. It was the first time I actually ever blew up at him. But, then he told me that he had been sick and miserable for 3 weeks because he had a hard time kicking the flu, and he just wanted to be "left alone".
I do think he genuinely feels terrible, though he'll never admit it. It was always so rare for him to actually admit that he was wrong, though he'd show me in other ways.
A friend of mine said that maybe once he gets on track, that maybe he'll realize the magnitude of what happened in our relationship and maybe try to reconcile. I don't know. If he does, he does. If he doesn't, he doesn't. Or, he'll realize it and feel terrible and embarrassed. I have no idea. I'm just rambling now, because I need somewhere to get my thoughts out where I can get support and advice (aka...the whole reason for this place ).
I tend to analyze and over-analyze, and try to rationalize things. I like to take a step back and think. I guess that's one good thing about being with me. I can see both sides.
I really am going to miss him.
I don't plan on dating for a while, if at all, until I move. I really want to focus on myself. Plus, I'm seriously drained. Two serious relationships, that I put everything into, that didn't work...back to back. 8 years total. I'm okay being alone. Which is something I thought I'd never say, because I always wanted to be in a relationship. I thought that I needed that to make me happy. But, now, after meeting Mike and going through everything we've gone through, I've realized that relationships aren't everything. They don't need to take up that much of your life. They're supposed to enhance your life, which mine and Mike's relationship did when we first started dating, and for that first year until he got the job at the Prison and things went downhill. They're not supposed to stress you out. I realize that our relationship started getting pretty toxic, because we were both so depressed, and both of our self confidences were terrible to begin with. It's true that you can't make a relationship work completely until you love yourself.
Last edited by whatruckus; February 29, 2016, 03:45 PM.
Apologies this comes late, but I'm sorry to hear what has happened too. Good that you know what you want to do next and focusing on yourself can only be beneficial Definitely work on moving out and be happy with your situation outside of being in a relationship before anything else. Sounds like your head is better screwed on than mine, so I'm sure you will do well.
He could never express himself. Instead of asking me to give him some space, he just ignored me because he thought that was easier. But, through all the research that I'd done, and still do, that's something big that they all do. They just.......shut down and clam up.
I like to call that Philly men syndrome lol. But seriously though, I really don't get why they just couldn't tell us what they want ugh!
LFAD Con 2016 here we come! West Coast & East Coast USA, London, Berlin, New Delhi, Tokyo, Sydney, it's going to be HUGE! (sorry haha).
What about Middle USA? Can we have one in like Chicago or someplace so I could go too? lol
I do feel somewhat like a failure, just because I personally feel like I didn't do a good job trying to make him happy. But, I know that's just my self confidence and insecurities acting up, and my mind messing me up.
I am sure you know yourself, but I'll still say it: you can't cure mental health problems with a relationship and you couldn't have helped that. You are no failure
So sorry to hear that whatruckus. *hugs* Time to focus on yourself.
"True love isn't about being inseparable; it’s about two people being true to each other even when they are separated." Married April 18th, 2015!!
Distance Closed October 4th, 2015!!
Aww I'm really sorry about this whatruckus Break ups are hard and it can feel like you're on a rollercoaster full of emotions. I'm glad you're going to focus on yourself and also that you're staying on LFAD <3
I hope you're doing okay! Sort of no surprised unfortunately to say, I recall posts of yours talking about the struggles you two had. But I do know the feeling of relationships that end on mutual terms hurting the most. Sometimes it's easier when they did something awful. I personally am able to completely shut myself off emotionally and move on from that. But otherwise it's too personal and bittersweet. I'm glad you've at least got a nice community such as this one to come to for moments when you just need to get your thoughts and feelings out in words. But I'm sure you've got loved ones as well who have been willing to keep you company Go treat yourself if you haven't already. Be a princess (it's like queen but without all the political stress) for a day.
But glad you finally have some clarity. Sending you lots of hugs and hope you take good care of yourself 
Like I said, I'm not going anywhere. This community has really helped me. More than I thought it would, to be honest. I really wish there was a way we could all meet up. It would be awesome to have like an LFAD Convention. Lol.
Comment