I met this girl on a online game. We have been dating for a year and two months. This month she was supposed to come visit me, but she couldn't. She has not face cam me only voice call through out the relationship. All I have of her is some picture two years ago. My family basically hate me because they think I am making up lies about an imginary girl. That she would be coming down this month. She delayed the trip since June 30th. She has depression and anxiety and I even offered to go see her, but I don't know if she will want to see me. She keeps saying she does, but it feels as though she doesn't. Everytime we talk about this sort of thing she just goes and play league as a get away. She told me she wasn't ready to see me and to move forward the relationship, but she doesn't want to lose me. I don't know what I should do.. There more details to this, but I am a bit in a mess. I want to know is how long should one wait for a face to face visit? Isn't 1 year enough? She should get a cam and we continue the relationship? I know I am being selfish because I want to see her, but I she hasn't shown any proof of who she really is.. and if it is all a lie.. I would be wasting my time.
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Do you have her real name? After a year and two months, this should be something you should know. If you do and you worry about having been cat fished, google her, find out if there is more behind her than just a voice and a 2 year old picture.
In this day and age it should be possible to get pictures or video chat and it does make me suspicious that she hides by playing league whenever you bring up the topic of visiting.
Relationship began: 05/22/2012
First Met: 03/21/2013 - 03/30/2013
Second Visit: 06/06/2013 - 08/21/2013 ~ Proposal: 07/06/2013 ♥
Third Visit: 10/09/2013 - 01/08/2013
Closed the distance: 11/20/2014 ♥
Married: 1/24/2015
Became Resident: 9/14/2015 -
Yes, I have her full name and she even gave me her address. When I went google map it I saw that the house had the same door frame as the picture she is in. I don't know if that is really her or not it could be her friend. Last time I tried sending a package over to that address but it somehow ended returning and saying on the note wrong address..Comment
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Her behavior is super suspicious. There's no reason why you can't get a recent photo of her or video chat with her. The fact that she seems to be evading everything is highly suspect, and her depression and anxiety don't excuse it. Also, not wanting to move the relationship forward while not wanting to lose you is very selfish. You're not being selfish at all for wanting to see her or for wanting to move the relationship along. You're being completely reasonable and pretty accommodating of her strange behavior.
Honestly, I wouldn't continue this relationship until I got REAL answers.
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Very odd.
Best to ask her for some answers as soon as possible. It would save you both a lot of anxiety and gameplaying.Comment
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I thought I was in the wrong because she said I was being manipulative... At the moment I am trying to seek for answers but she said she is talking to her mother and sister about it. This does not make sense to me if she wants me then she wouldn't hesitate to do what was asked. She had me doing a bunch of things for her in the game we met because she was "busy." she would ask if she can have some money for food when she had money.. but her excuse was for this trip. let me tell you she has 4k in a debit card. Still fails to say yes to buying a cam. I just want to get down to the truth. Thanks for your guys feedback.Comment
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I'm so...baffled by her behavior. I'm so sorry you're going through this. Hopefully you get the answers you deserve. Best of luck!Originally posted by Bunrorth View Post
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Having anxiety and depression is one thing (I suffer from those as well), but using them as an argument for something is another. Especially if this thing is someone else's well being. Back when me and my BF started talking we exchanged pictures first, but followed with webcam immediately after. Exchanging addresses is a good thing as well, so that's a plus, but you have the right to "demand" more. Don't let yourself be told that you're being manipulative or too demanding, a year is a long time. Obviously she might have her doubts about continuing the relationship or moving it forward, but you don't need to agree to this at any point. Right now, from a stranger's perspective, it does seem very suspicious and as if you're being used. Explain to her your motives again, calmly, preferably without accusing her of anything. Bring up the webcam thing and don't let go - by the way, can't she use the cam on her phone in a simple Skype call? It doesn't even have to last long; just something to calm you.
Still, this "I can't do this and that - but don't leave me" is horribly selfish and a tad bit manipulative. Be careful and take good care of yourself and your mental health!Comment
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MAINLY: Don't meet her alone without getting any answers first, no matter what.
Not having communicated with a video call is already a HUGE red flag. And refusing to take a recent photo as well? That's too much. Doesn't she have a smartphone, doesn't anyone in her family? It's not the best quality but a video call can even be arranged with a smartphone. Also doesn't anyone in her family have a laptop with a built in camera?
Not even answering any questions is another red flag. I'd make an ultimatum, that either you are getting answers or that you are leaving and act accordingly to it. Her blaming you is an even worse behaviour. You are not being manipulative, you are just being reasonable about your own safety.
I am 10000% sure my SO is who he says he is, but even then I am going to take precautions and meet him in a public place with either of my best friends. Don't take a chance when the sacrifice you make is your own safety, best of luck~Comment
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When I first starting talking to my former SO, we talked on the phone a couple times and added each other to Facebook the day after we first met on a dating site. Then, we sent each other a couple pictures while we were both at work. I was lucky, I got to meet him IRL a week after we met on the dating site.
I agree with everyone else. Her excuses are just that, excuses. She has no real reason not to buy a webcam and chat. If you guys met in a game, then it can't be because her internet is too crappy. If she can stream a game, she can webchat. I have anxiety and depression too, but if I was really interested in them, I'd get a webcam and chat. No matter how self-conscious I am.Comment
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Thanks a lot for the replies! I just talked to her last night via skype and she said she can get a webcam now.. She has a flip phone which makes me wonder how do you still have a flip phone still?! Her excuse for that is because her mother did not want her distracted in school because before she had a smartphone before dropping it in the toilet. Right now, what I am trying to do is make her happy and laugh through voice call and by webcam late at night, so it can ease her up to finally seeing me. She tells me she is scared to even see me. That she needed more time before she does. That is what I am going to do for now. I keep telling her your mom has a smart phone, and I am sure her sister too, so why don't you take a a recent photo on their phone... My goal is to see her before Aug 27 a month from now because that is when school starts I do not plan on waiting another 3-4 months or another year...Last edited by Bunrorth; July 27, 2016, 11:21 AM.Comment
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It is slightly possible that she can be legit. I mean I was in that position too when I first met my SO. I still had a flip phone in 2014 because my family couldn't afford to get me a smart phone and I was unemployed then. I suffer from anxiety and depression as well and I also have something called phone phobia which makes it very hard for me to talk on the phone sometimes. My SO was very supportive and understanding of this and after about a month of messaging each other I felt ready enough to try voice calling on Skype. I didn't start video chatting with my SO until about a week or 2 after we became official.Originally posted by Bunrorth View Post
So long story short there are some very skittish people in the world and sometimes it takes longer for others to feel ready for "the next step" whatever it may be. Do however be on guard like the others said because you still don't have all your answers yet. At least she has a web cam now, so hopefully you guys can video chat real soon and I really hope she is who she says she is
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Thank you so very much! This made me feel like there will be more hope to this. I too hope she is who she is after fighting for our relationship for awhile. Everyone always saying to break up with her from the beginning because LDR doesn't work. I want to make it work! When she gets up I would have to tell her to get the webcam right away. That will keep me be sane until I get to see her. That is true she did not talk to me via skype till like 2 months into the relationship.. we just texted till then.Comment
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To me, it sounds like an excuse because she hasn't been completely honest about her appearance. Or maybe I've watched Catfish way too many times. Hope I'm wrong and she finally shows herself to you.Comment
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My SO and I met on a dating site. We volleyed messages back and forth for a total of 3 weeks or so, then talked on the phone. After talking on the phone, we agreed to meet.
I would not have hung out indefinitely without knowing who the other person was. I set ground rules, and then I stuck to them. Once someone has stepped over a ground rule, it's over.
I let my her know that I had not planned on hanging out indefinitely without meeting.Comment
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