Longest Long Distance Relationship?

[BaconGirl05]

These types of relationships are definitely realistic. It just depends on the couple and if they really want to pursue it and work towards being together. With being in two different countries, it gets hard. As R&R said, there are visas involved and it takes dedication and can get very expensive

My SO and I were from different countries. Im from the US and he's from Australia. I was able to move here, however, it was definitely expensive. It took months to plan and make sure we have everything for the visa. Honestly it was probably the most stressful thing my SO and I had to go through.

Another thing to consider is which one of you is going to give up everything to start over. I know you said in your post that he is willing to move to Australia. As someone who moved to another country and started over, I will admit that it was hard and still is. I don't have friends or family to go when I need someone to talk to, and I'm still adjusting to my life here. Just make sure that whoever it is that is going to make the move considers these things as well. If this is what both of you want, then yes, you will find a way to make it happen.

[Bee'sknees]

I totally understand where you're coming from. I was pretty down for having to come back to Finland from England, and actually said to my SO that at least I don't live in Australia or something. Obviously it's easier with a two and half hour flight that costs 80 euros compared to hours and hours and hundreds and hundreds. Just like it would be easier if he lived in my neighbourhood, compared to our situation now.

I used to be pretty apprehensive with having an LDR, but it is totally worth it if the person is right. You both need to want it 100% and it will work. In the early days I didn't really want to even think about moving to the UK, but now as the relationship has matured a bit and we've learned to know each other more, I would move to the edge of the world for him. I think you just need to give it some time. Just make sure you really want this and put effort into it.

[maybesomeday]

I totally understand where you're coming from. I was pretty down for having to come back to Finland from England, and actually said to my SO that at least I don't live in Australia or something. Obviously it's easier with a two and half hour flight that costs 80 euros compared to hours and hours and hundreds and hundreds. Just like it would be easier if he lived in my neighbourhood, compared to our situation now.

I used to be pretty apprehensive with having an LDR, but it is totally worth it if the person is right. You both need to want it 100% and it will work. In the early days I didn't really want to even think about moving to the UK, but now as the relationship has matured a bit and we've learned to know each other more, I would move to the edge of the world for him. I think you just need to give it some time. Just make sure you really want this and put effort into it.

Exactly. Distance is hard in any case, but being thousands of kilometres apart compared to hundreds seems to be difficult in all aspects rather than just some; just for example, it'll cost he or I to travel to the others country between $5,000 to $8,000 depending on for how long and what we do in that time. That's a huge difference than just paying a few hundred, to $1-2,000 for a trip in the same country or one closer by. Money is a huge factor, let's face it, and it's not easy to come by. It's literally taking us a year and 8 months to save enough to meet for the very first time! And that's if nothing comes up in the meantime that forces us to set it back for an even later time. That's just the reality.

LDR's are not something I'm quick to jump into either. But I agree, if the person is worth it, then the distance is just an obstacle we need to face. Hopefully it's something I can accept and conquer. Good luck with your relationship.

[Bee'sknees]

That is a massive amount of money. It's difficult to even imagine how that must feel especially in a serious relationship.

I hope you get things sorted, whatever you guys decide to do. Good luck!

[SmileyK]

It's absolutely doable if you're both dedicated to the relationship. I'm in Australia, my partner is in Sweden - 15,289 km. Come November, we will have been dating for 4 years, and we've only met twice during this time. When we first started dating, I didn't think I'd ever be able to leave my home country, particularly to a country where the first language was not English, and my partner was prepared that he might have to make the move. But when I visited, I fell in love with his country, and we're now in a 12-16 month waiting process for my application for a residence permit to move to Sweden to be approved. We applied in March of this year, and we won't find out until maybe June next year if I will get approval - it's a stressful time, but we're excited to finally be planning our future together. We both have large families, and it was going to be hard for either of us to make the move. You never know, you could visit him and fall in love with England. Am I terrified about moving to his country and not having any friends or family to support me? Yes. But I've made Facebook friends with all his family and he's introduced me to a number of his friends in Sweden. There are all sorts of support groups out there for expats and people moving countries for their loved ones, your SO can tap into those networks and create friends going through similar experiences that way, too. I myself have made friends with a Swedish girl on here, who lives quite close to where my SO's family is. You should not consider yourself as a burden to your SO - you are not making him start over his life. It is something I assume you have both talked over thoroughly and discussed. It is not a decision made light-heartedly. But try not to think that you are taking anything away from him, but rather giving him the chance to experience a new and exciting chapter in his life to meet new friends and places. From what I can tell, you haven't met yet, so wait until after you meet and see how things go from there. It will be difficult, but not impossible.

Also, may I ask about this?

it'll cost he or I to travel to the others country between $5,000 to $8,000 depending on for how long and what we do in that time. That's a huge difference than just paying a few hundred, to $1-2,000 for a trip in the same country or one closer by. Money is a huge factor, let's face it, and it's not easy to come by. It's literally taking us a year and 8 months to save enough to meet for the very first time!

What, are you flying first class?? Where do you get these figures? I flew to my SO twice during Christmas-peak period and stayed for approx 5-6 weeks. It cost $1800 in flights and insurance the first trip (booked 4 months in advance), and $2000 the second trip (booked 5 months in advance - and that was flying to London, not Sweden). Both times were booked through travel agents, flying return economy with Emirates. I would NEVER pay $5,000 for a single return flight. Accommodation the first trip was free as we stayed with SO and his family. Flights, accommodation, travel and sightseeing all up cost about $5,000-$6,000 the second trip and that was again peak-Christmas-period paying for 5 weeks accommodation in hotels etc in London, Stockholm, Rovaniemi, Kiruna and paying for all sorts of day trips. Is your trip England to Australia during April-May clashing with school holidays (Easter is April 16)? Even so, I still don't understand the cost because it'll be coming into late Autumn in Australia, and you've booked so far in advance? I hope you did your research into flights and travel dates for the cheapest times to fly. While I could afford to visit my SO more than I have, we've both agreed it best to keep visits minimal to save costs and save for the move and the cost of living instead. We'd never be able to do this if we were giving ourselves the luxury of $8,000 flights each time. We spent months comparing prices of hotels and day activities the second time to ensure we were getting the best value for money.

[differentcountries]

It can be done. We have dated internasjonally close to 3 years. We were lucky that I was on part sick leave/studies so I had some more time for visits. However I did not have much money. And I could seldom stay for long. He makes far less money than I do and financially the situation has been very difficult. And his work hours makes our visits strained. But this is what we want. We have friends who have been in international relationships doing long distance for 6 years or so before closing the distance. The challenge is not just distance in itself, but culture, language and so on. We want to close the distance by him coming here, but also getting a place in his country and visit friends and family there a lot. So the way I see it, we will never STOP to be in an international relationship, even when we live in the same place.

[maybesomeday]

It's absolutely doable if you're both dedicated to the relationship. I'm in Australia, my partner is in Sweden - 15,289 km. Come November, we will have been dating for 4 years, and we've only met twice during this time. When we first started dating, I didn't think I'd ever be able to leave my home country, particularly to a country where the first language was not English, and my partner was prepared that he might have to make the move. But when I visited, I fell in love with his country, and we're now in a 12-16 month waiting process for my application for a residence permit to move to Sweden to be approved. We applied in March of this year, and we won't find out until maybe June next year if I will get approval - it's a stressful time, but we're excited to finally be planning our future together. We both have large families, and it was going to be hard for either of us to make the move. You never know, you could visit him and fall in love with England. Am I terrified about moving to his country and not having any friends or family to support me? Yes. But I've made Facebook friends with all his family and he's introduced me to a number of his friends in Sweden. There are all sorts of support groups out there for expats and people moving countries for their loved ones, your SO can tap into those networks and create friends going through similar experiences that way, too. I myself have made friends with a Swedish girl on here, who lives quite close to where my SO's family is. You should not consider yourself as a burden to your SO - you are not making him start over his life. It is something I assume you have both talked over thoroughly and discussed. It is not a decision made light-heartedly. But try not to think that you are taking anything away from him, but rather giving him the chance to experience a new and exciting chapter in his life to meet new friends and places. From what I can tell, you haven't met yet, so wait until after you meet and see how things go from there. It will be difficult, but not impossible.

Also, may I ask about this?



What, are you flying first class?? Where do you get these figures? I flew to my SO twice during Christmas-peak period and stayed for approx 5-6 weeks. It cost $1800 in flights and insurance the first trip (booked 4 months in advance), and $2000 the second trip (booked 5 months in advance - and that was flying to London, not Sweden). Both times were booked through travel agents, flying return economy with Emirates. I would NEVER pay $5,000 for a single return flight. Accommodation the first trip was free as we stayed with SO and his family. Flights, accommodation, travel and sightseeing all up cost about $5,000-$6,000 the second trip and that was again peak-Christmas-period paying for 5 weeks accommodation in hotels etc in London, Stockholm, Rovaniemi, Kiruna and paying for all sorts of day trips. Is your trip England to Australia during April-May clashing with school holidays (Easter is April 16)? Even so, I still don't understand the cost because it'll be coming into late Autumn in Australia, and you've booked so far in advance? I hope you did your research into flights and travel dates for the cheapest times to fly. While I could afford to visit my SO more than I have, we've both agreed it best to keep visits minimal to save costs and save for the move and the cost of living instead. We'd never be able to do this if we were giving ourselves the luxury of $8,000 flights each time. We spent months comparing prices of hotels and day activities the second time to ensure we were getting the best value for money.

Thanks for sharing. I suppose it does sound doable, it's just really daunting and seems impossible when you add up all the things against the relationship. But maybe I shouldn't focus on all the cons so much.

We haven't booked anything yet due to the extreme price. A return flight is close to $2,000. He can’t stay at my house, there is no room, so there is the large cost of accommodation; the cheapest we could find was $2,370 for a 30 day stay in a hotel. On the days I work, he’ll have to pay for transport, so probably a taxi where I am; that’s $14.00 for just a 3 mile drive, and he’s going to be doing a whole lot more than that. The other option is to hire a car, and because he is under 25 years old, it's equaled to be roughly around $1,710 for 30 days. There’s a months’ worth of food and necessities he’ll have to buy. Then in the last week or two of his stay, he wants to travel–nothing major, just an hour or two from where I live. That’s more money for petrol, accommodation, activates. All up, it’s well over $5,000, heading towards $8,000. Nothing is cheap these days. Prices have sky-rocketed, even if we were to budget it still wouldn’t be below $5,000. And we’re both in part-time jobs, rather than full-time, it takes a long time to save $5,000 let alone anything higher.

[Rezie]

I know how you feel. It's not a competition but the distance between countries and continents feel longer because there are other considerations. No matter the distance, the relationship is equally hard, communication is the key and they are allequally real. When there is more distance it means you have to make big life changes based on meeting the person 1-2 times a year. Usually in a setting that is not "normal life". I also do think there is a massive difference in moving within the same country or to a country that speaks the same language. It's just different.

I am in a LDR with my boyfriend in different countries. We are both in europe so we "only" have 3,5h flight between us which means that we can meet up for a long weekend every 6 weeks. Also we speak different languages and when we are together we speak his native language. I am fluent in that, but occationally it gets a bit difficult. I feel like we live in a bubble that includes only two of us cause we only meet up for a long weekend. Unfortunately we don't have a work situation in which I could just leave for several weeks at a time.

We have been talking about closing the distance but lately I've been thiking of everything that has to be given up in order to be together, not what we would be gaining. He is more of a "we can deal with it when the situation comes" where as I like to be prepared. I can't separate my own feelings and all the practical arraingements. I feel like they go hand in hand. My partner has expressed an interest in moving here but I feel oddly responsible that he has to change his life for another person and I feel like I need to compensate. I just need to sort myself out and figure out what I really want.

In conclusion, I can't help you or give you any insight. I just want to say that it is possible if you both want it. You should just be honest with your partner about those feelings and he can make his life decisions knowing the truth about how you feel. It may work out or it may not. Neither is a bad option. There will be a lot of practical stuff that needs to be taken care of and it will require a lot of work. You just need to decide if that ammount of work is worth it.

[sasad]

Never said it was a competition. Merely saying I feel it's a great distance compared to what I typically see people in, and definitely one that's less likely work out. Don't twist.

Didn't twist... just stated facts.

[Redheart14]

Have you talked to your SO about your worries or concerns?

[maybesomeday]

Didn't twist... just stated facts.

Nothing you said was a fact, dear. If you've got nothing helpful to offer, why bother commenting? I'm a new user here and it's not very encouraging seeing people like yourself so judgmental already. This is a supportive website, from what I gathered when I signed up.

[maybesomeday]

Have you talked to your SO about your worries or concerns?

I have indeed, it's been a topic we've visited a fair bit. He's basically said that after we've met a few times, and we know for sure we want to pursue something long term, he is willing to go through any avenues to be with me. He knows what he'll be leaving behind, but he seems quite optimistic about it; his reasoning is that there is no price on love, and even if it may be difficult now, it'll be worth it in the end. Which is basically the best response I could get, right? But as I said, he's a big romantic and I worry that it clouds some of the realism sometimes. Which is why I try to be the logical one, but I think sometimes it comes across as negative.

[Honour]

Nothing you said was a fact, dear. If you've got nothing helpful to offer, why bother commenting? I'm a new user here and it's not very encouraging seeing people like yourself so judgmental already. This is a supportive website, from what I gathered when I signed up.

Sarcasm isn't exactly helpful either.

[maybesomeday]

Sarcasm isn't exactly helpful either.

You people really like to read too far into things and make assumptions. There was no sarcasm. I'm just not appreciating the judgment on this website so far.

[Moon]

You people really like to read too far into things and make assumptions. There was no sarcasm. I'm just not appreciating the judgment on this website so far.

I get what you're trying to say, but no place is a judgement free zone, expecting not to be judged is unrealistic. We're better than many forums, but it happens here, like everywhere else. The wording on your OP could be taken as you were "competing" but what you don't know, as a newbie, is that we DO get people who come here trying to actively compete, so it can be a bit of a sensitive topic. I think we, as a forum, could try to be more understanding though, as far as that goes. There are all kinds of LDR's, they all can be difficult, I do agree that international ones have their own unique set of challenges, but I'm in one, so I might be biased

As I said before, back on page one of your OP, take some time to read old threads, they might help you see that really long distance can work, it is realistic, but only if you're willing to invest in it.