How an LDR was the most horrible experience of my life.

[katsujinken]

Ok... I'm sorry for being so flippant, really I'm sorry for that. But like I've said this has been a frustrating situation.

Is she nuts just because we weren't in the same room? No, we almost all day every day together with her constantly telling me things like how handsome I am, how smitten she was with me how she couldn't think of anyone else when she got off, how she hoped I'd never stop liking her and nothing could change her mind about me. We spent almost all night every night cybering & she said she loved me and bought a 600 dollar plane ticket to come up from her summer job in another state to still see me at the appointed time.

Then she ran off abandoning her job for her friends, wasting her AND her mother's money because her mom said she'd bought this girl the ticket to her job AND abandoning her pregnant twin sister on their birthday who had been crying out of fear for this girl after travelling 14 hours round trip to bring her home from a dangerous situation that she just went back to. Then she went home told her fans she was opening her own website, took off to this rapists again then disappeared again.

No one does that for shits & giggles. It's not a high horse, it's quite simply no sane person would do things like that. Which makes it amazing she can have a car & guns, that's america for ya. It's just frustrating trying to rationalize irrational behaviour. Moreso that I can do nothing to help this person whom I spent so much time talking and laughing and sharing secrets I'd never told anyone. I still would help if I thought of a way even if she abused my trust and don't forget, she used our proximity as a tool to do so.

[Moon]

Really? So the person of your dreams left you without warning for a a rapist? Wow that is quite the coincidence! Oh thank goodness it all.. it all makes the pain melt away that finally someone understands! Bless you kind lady you are truely a healer of our age :P And I resent you again calling me co-dependant based on ONE experience.

Ummm, was that meant for me? 'Cause I was simply trying to be nice, and understanding to your situation. I did not attack or criticize you in any way. So much for empathy, huh? Whatever, if that's how you react to someone just trying to throw some support your way, then you get what you get *shrugs*. I really would like to tell you that you're a dick right now, but since it's probably against the rules, I won't.

[katsujinken]

Ummm, was that meant for me? 'Cause I was simply trying to be nice, and understanding to your situation. I did not attack or criticize you in any way. So much for empathy, huh? Whatever, if that's how you react to someone just trying to throw some support your way, then you get what you get *shrugs*. I really would like to tell you that you're a dick right now, but since it's probably against the rules, I won't.

No Moon, you have been nice. The nicest person to reply I was talking to LadyMarchHare and even then I apologized for it. Please forgive the confusion

[LadyMarchHare]

Ok... I'm sorry for being so flippant, really I'm sorry for that. But like I've said this has been a frustrating situation.

Is she nuts just because we weren't in the same room? No, we almost all day every day together with her constantly telling me things like how handsome I am, how smitten she was with me how she couldn't think of anyone else when she got off, how she hoped I'd never stop liking her and nothing could change her mind about me. We spent almost all night every night cybering & she said she loved me and bought a 600 dollar plane ticket to come up from her summer job in another state to still see me at the appointed time.

Then she ran off abandoning her job for her friends, wasting her AND her mother's money because her mom said she'd bought this girl the ticket to her job AND abandoning her pregnant twin sister on their birthday who had been crying out of fear for this girl after travelling 14 hours round trip to bring her home from a dangerous situation that she just went back to. Then she went home told her fans she was opening her own website, took off to this rapists again then disappeared again.

No one does that for shits & giggles. It's not a high horse, it's quite simply no sane person would do things like that. Which makes it amazing she can have a car & guns, that's america for ya. It's just frustrating trying to rationalize irrational behaviour. Moreso that I can do nothing to help this person whom I spent so much time talking and laughing and sharing secrets I'd never told anyone. I still would help if I thought of a way even if she abused my trust and don't forget, she used our proximity as a tool to do so.

I understand. Believe me, I'd be acting the same, if not worse, as you were I put in the same situation.

It sounds like she had the problems long before you and again no offense but I'm not really sure you were quite real to her, or that the relationship was real. She sounds as though she was very delusional, very impulsive, and naturally very selfish. Whatever's wrong with her was having her do these things, but she obviously found them alright to do otherwise she would have gotten help or at least realized something was wrong with herself. I don't know, I don't know her personally.

As for her sanity, it's quite easy to fake it. But yes, America's lax on who can own a weapon. But for this, you can't rationalize it as the mind's so complex we've really made less than 3% in progress from the mental health ideals of the 1800s where they believed it was all in the blood. Either way, she's a toxin to you, it's very obvious from your posts in this thread. You're better off removing every trace of her from your computer, deleting your browser's history to forget any site she had, any youtube channel, etc. It's the toughest thing to do, but for your health and happiness, yours alone, I think it's best. You can't fix someone who refuses to see they're broken.

[Moon]

No Moon, you have been nice. The nicest person to reply I was talking to LadyMarchHare and even then I apologized for it. Please forgive the confusion

No prob, and I apologize for saying I felt like calling you a dick, but wouldn't 'cause of the rules an' all that

[katsujinken]

You're better off removing every trace of her from your computer, deleting your browser's history to forget any site she had, any youtube channel, etc. It's the toughest thing to do, but for your health and happiness, yours alone, I think it's best. You can't fix someone who refuses to see they're broken.

That's just it, I have! But because she has this accidental internet fame I can be minding my own business reading about music or books or other things and stumble across people talking about her and it throws off my whole day. It's sickening to see how people lose their minds over her. They talk about her like they're Lord Byron because they think that she is this sweet, wonderful person when nothing could be further from the truth. I'm constantly afraid that I'm gonna slip on my resolve and tell these people about what a scumbag she can be. Sometimes I wonder if I should anyway for their sake if she toys with other people like she did with me. There's no escape & it's maddening.

[LadyMarchHare]

That's just it, I have! But because she has this accidental internet fame I can be minding my own business reading about music or books or other things and stumble across people talking about her and it throws off my whole day. It's sickening to see how people lose their minds over her, Talking about her like they're Lord Byron because they think that she is this sweet, wonderful person when nothing could be further from the truth. I'm constantly afraid that I'm gonna slip on my resolve and tell these people about what a scumbag she can be. Sometimes wonder if I should anyway for their sake if she toys with other people like she did with me. There's no escape & it's maddening.

I know that feeling exactly. My father was very close in personality to her, had everyone around him believing he was God's gift to the world, and at his funeral every person told me he was "a Saint" and I would have loved nothing more than to tell them the opposite, but really it gets you nowhere. The people won't believe you, they'll run to her, she'll denounce any credit you could have, and you end up with more pain. Her fame won't last forever, but right now you have to be the stronger person, which is easier said than done.

[Karringtyn]

Guess I am in the minority here....but...

OP...

I read each and every word. I wasn't around when you were on here at the beginning of the relationship. I just see it as you coming back and doing an update....

I was in a LDR that wasn't so wonderful...it was my personal hell.

So with that said...I can't imagine what you went through...OH MY! You sound like such a sweet and caring person...even now coming back on and replying and answering questions. I truly HOPE you get beyond this and rid your life of this person. May I ask have you spoken to anyone about this? I can't imagine what this has done to you personally...with trust and confidence. I commend you for talking about it...letting it out and not trying to bury it..

Do I think my LDR is all perfect? Nope. I am not wearing rose colored glasses and thinking in la la land. But I do know that I am grateful I found someone who is honest and true..when there is such a risk especially ONLINE. There is nothing wrong with you coming on here and telling your story...I never once felt you were saying that MY relationship was in jeopardy.

I do though agree with a couple of my fellow friends on here...it wasn't the distance that made the relationship bad...it was the other half.

I wish you the best.

[paulawriteslove]

I am sorry to hear about your story. I hope that you can learn and grow from this.

[Silviar]

I'm sorry to hear you were treated and shoved around so horribly. No one deserves to be jerked around like that. However, is the girl's fault, not the distance's fault. This could have occurred no matter what distance you were at.

[katsujinken]

Thank you everyone for your kind words and attempts to help me find peace. I have tried to move on from it. I keep my eyes open and my ears tuned to notice if any one else is of interest to me who is hopefully honest & trustworthy but no. Oh, like I said, I could go meet a girl tonight if I just went out to a bar or club but I used to do that often enough and nothing meaningful ever came of it. I was just some fun for them, so why bother?

But the worst part is that since all this there are still girls who have expressed interest in me, whom I should be crazy about because they're wonderful people but I just don't feel that high or butterlies in my stomach when I talk to them. When I act upon it to give them a fair chance anyway I feel like I'm wasting their & my time just going though the motions. I have talked to someone a couple times about all this but they give me no direction, just typical psychological socratic questions.

[Karringtyn]

It will happen again. I promise. You can't "find" love.

[LadyMarchHare]

Karringyn's right, you can't force yourself to love nor can you go in search of it. Real love simply happens and finds you, as cliche as it sounds. Personally, going to bars and clubs is the worst way to meet people. I have a cousin who does that, sleeps with the guy on the first date, and wonders why she's still alone. Even dating sites aren't 100% and I've seen people put through more hell because of them, especially if the person has kids. While it's nice having someone, we can't rely on a significant other to make us whole or give our lives meaning. There's only so much living you can do attached to someone's hip, you know?

[noodle]

First of I must say I havent read everythin word by word cause it was just a lil too much just like Caitlin earlier on lol
Than I also agree with LMH and everyone else who said that the girl was the problem not the distance.
I know everyone takes things difference but from your title I thought you got raped or somethin (I never saw you on here before so I didnt know you were a guy sorry for that).
Also I think (even if you might be a sweet, handsome, super honest etc person) that you fall for girls way too fast and pretty much force love upon it, just like Karringtyn said. And thats the first thing you have to get rid of cause it'll keep you away from such horrible things/people or whoever you wanna call it.
And Im personally askin you for a favour, the next time dont put LDRs as the reason for what happend to you, and in general think a lil bit about what you say.

Yet I hope that somethin like that doesnt happen to you again and that you eventually find someone who will treat you the way you deserve it.
All the best.

[Moon]

Thank you everyone for your kind words and attempts to help me find peace. I have tried to move on from it. I keep my eyes open and my ears tuned to notice if any one else is of interest to me who is hopefully honest & trustworthy but no. Oh, like I said, I could go meet a girl tonight if I just went out to a bar or club but I used to do that often enough and nothing meaningful ever came of it. I was just some fun for them, so why bother?

But the worst part is that since all this there are still girls who have expressed interest in me, whom I should be crazy about because they're wonderful people but I just don't feel that high or butterlies in my stomach when I talk to them. When I act upon it to give them a fair chance anyway I feel like I'm wasting their & my time just going though the motions. I have talked to someone a couple times about all this but they give me no direction, just typical psychological socratic questions.

Give it time, this is all fairly recent. You've gotta allow yourself to heal and get over it, and that takes awhile. You'll be ready when you're ready, don't worry about it, you'll be OK.