I'm starting to wonder if its worth it?

[NewToLongDistance2016]

Me again, just extremely frustrated. So I am visiting the guy I'm dating very soon, but I am really starting to question if all this effort is worth it. I really care for him, but the feeling of me being more into him is something that won't go away. I would hardly go a day w/out texting someone I care about, especially long distance. I know he has great plans for me when I get there and everything. My concern is that he will only show interest when we are together, which at this point is once every 1 or 2 months and I don't want to settle for that. I feel really bad about this, but yesterday I got hit on by another guy, it felt pretty good, especially since my guy was barely paying attention to me, I shut it down though right away and didn't let him buy me a drink and I barely spoke to him.

If am content and feel loved, other guys hitting doesn't affect me at all, whenever a guy would start talking to me I would mention something about my bf (ex now) right away. The guy talks about how lucky he is to have a girl like me, in my mind I am screaming "then act like it", as in send me a quick text (literally takes seconds), especially if you have time to post on facebook. Idk what to do, I already told him once that I didn't like going w/out communication and I am very tempted to tell him how distant I feel from him when he doesn't text. He has been like this from the beginning, but for the most part he would still text me good morning or night if I didn't 1st. Its not money or time I'm super concerned about, its my emotion and love that I don't want to sink into this guy and get heartbroken. I am willing to put myself out there again for the right guy. Am I nitpicking or should I be concerned? Btw I want the commitment, but I don't want to settle.

[R&R]

If you are questioning the relationship this much, don't like his communication style (or lack of) and feel like you are settling, then why are you staying? A relationship and your partner should make you more happy than it does unhappy or stressed. As I responded to you in a previous post, if you aren't getting what you want and your SO isn't going to change to meet your expectations, then end the relationship. This will allow you to find someone who will meet your expectations and allows him to find someone who is content with how he communicates with them.

[NewToLongDistance2016]

If you are questioning the relationship this much, don't like his communication style (or lack of) and feel like you are settling, then why are you staying? A relationship and your partner should make you more happy than it does unhappy or stressed. As I responded to you in a previous post, if you aren't getting what you want and your SO isn't going to change to meet your expectations, then end the relationship. This will allow you to find someone who will meet your expectations and allows him to find someone who is content with how he communicates with them.

I really want to stay, I care for him a lot and I haven't felt this way since my 1st bf. I can adjust to different communication styles if I know the person is truly interested in me. From experience I know a lot of texting does not indicate the quality of the person. He does make me happy, except for the day or so a week where I hardly hear from him. He told me that my future trip was something that got him through every day Correct me if I'm wrong, but I feel as though if a person really cares they will communicate (in different forms) a lot more w/their SO. I don't want to push him away by overthinking things, but I don't want to miss obvious signs of disinterest.

[R&R]

My SO may text me once or twice during the day and we talk for about 5 minutes a night. Some days, it's only a text and no call. Does this mean on the days he doesn't contact me at all (which happens) or I only get one text that he doesn't love or care about me as much as the days when he is able to contact me more? No, not at all. It means he has life going on and so do I. I don't read into it anymore than is there.

[NewToLongDistance2016]

My SO may text me once or twice during the day and we talk for about 5 minutes a night. Some days, it's only a text and no call. Does this mean on the days he doesn't contact me at all (which happens) or I only get one text that he doesn't love or care about me as much as the days when he is able to contact me more? No, not at all. It means he has life going on and so do I. I don't read into it anymore than is there.

This makes me feel at ease a little, has it been like that from beginning? I'm just trying to figure this out.

[R&R]

This makes me feel at ease a little, has it been like that from beginning? I'm just trying to figure this out.

My SO and I dated for 6 months, never met and broke up. 18 months later, we decided to give it another try. At the beginning, there was a lot more talking, texting and Skype sessions. We had our first visit 3 months after getting back together. Once we were settled back in and the newness wore off some, we started putting more focus back on our individual lives. The communication lessened quite a bit. We have rare days where we have 3 or 4 phone calls or Skype for an hour or so. Usually, it's pretty quick conversations.

[NewToLongDistance2016]

My SO and I dated for 6 months, never met and broke up. 18 months later, we decided to give it another try. At the beginning, there was a lot more talking, texting and Skype sessions. We had our first visit 3 months after getting back together. Once we were settled back in and the newness wore off some, we started putting more focus back on our individual lives. The communication lessened quite a bit. We have rare days where we have 3 or 4 phone calls or Skype for an hour or so. Usually, it's pretty quick conversations.

We skype about once a week for a couple hours, I of course initiate it about 90% of the time, but since he is willing to stay on for hours, I guess that means he is interested.

[R&R]

IMHO, you need to stop focusing on who initiates everything. My SO is very busy, so it tends to be easier for him to initiate calls to me when he is available. If I haven't heard from him by 9:30pm or 10:00pm, then I'll call him. As long as you are talking and not going multiple days or weeks without communication, I wouldn't worry.

[NewToLongDistance2016]

IMHO, you need to stop focusing on who initiates everything. My SO is very busy, so it tends to be easier for him to initiate calls to me when he is available. If I haven't heard from him by 9:30pm or 10:00pm, then I'll call him. As long as you are talking and not going multiple days or weeks without communication, I wouldn't worry.

Thanks for your reassurance, I just have a tendency to lead the relationship and most of the time its turns out that he wasn't into it as much as I was.

[R&R]

Thanks for your reassurance, I just have a tendency to lead the relationship and most of the time its turns out that he wasn't into it as much as I was.

The only way to know is to try. If he stops communicating with you or no longer wants visits, then I'd take a closer look.

[NewToLongDistance2016]

The only way to know is to try. If he stops communicating with you or no longer wants visits, then I'd take a closer look.

The tell tale will be if comes out to see me, he said he would at the end of the year, but hasn't even looked at tickets (he apparently has the $ for them) and right now they are the cheapest they will be. If he doesn't make it out, that will be the turning point for my decision.

[R&R]

The tell tale will be if comes out to see me, he said he would at the end of the year, but hasn't even looked at tickets (he apparently has the $ for them) and right now they are the cheapest they will be. If he doesn't make it out, that will be the turning point for my decision.

Well there you go. You have decided what you can work with in a relationship and what you won't. Now let him take the lead on his visit. Don't keep on him about it or asking him if he bought tickets, etc. Don't let yourself stress out about it. He's a big boy and it's up to him to do what he needs to do to get there on his own.

[NewToLongDistance2016]

Well there you go. You have decided what you can work with in a relationship and what you won't. Now let him take the lead on his visit. Don't keep on him about it or asking him if he bought tickets, etc. Don't let yourself stress out about it. He's a big boy and it's up to him to do what he needs to do to get there on his own.

Has he ever not answered a good morning/night text? I guess that's what is really stressing me, I'm flying in to see him tomorrow and he never responded to my good night text (this is out of the norm) and yes he has been on facebook.

[R&R]

Lots of times. I have never seen anyone be able to fall asleep as fast as he does. Even on visits, he'll come home and sit in the recliner and 30 seconds later he is snoring loud enough to wake the dead.

It's dangerous ground to dissect and worry every instance of something that happens or doesn't happen. You are putting yourself in situations where you make yourself worry or see issues where they may really not be one. You'll see him tomorrow and you can discuss it. I'd have one heart-to-heart to him about it and leave it at that.

[NewToLongDistance2016]

Lots of times. I have never seen anyone be able to fall asleep as fast as he does. Even on visits, he'll come home and sit in the recliner and 30 seconds later he is snoring loud enough to wake the dead.

It's dangerous ground to dissect and worry every instance of something that happens or doesn't happen. You are putting yourself in situations where you make yourself worry or see issues where they may really not be one. You'll see him tomorrow and you can discuss it. I'd have one heart-to-heart to him about it and leave it at that.

I def plan on talking to him about how important daily communication is. I guess I'm also at the point where I no longer make excuses for people, I did quite a lot of that w/friends and relationships to hold on when I should have just let go. I don't want to be the only one pursuing because in the end I will not be content w/that kind of relationship.