Past Partners

[emsimes]

Just to add onto what everyone else is saying..
My SO is 15 years older than me and has been with a lot of women. He's had many more sexual experiences than I have, yet it doesn't bother me in the slightest. Your SO may be more sexually experienced or been with different types of women like my SO has, but his past shouldn't matter. He is choosing to be with you, and he loves you for who you are! So, don't sweat the small stuff

[hmrambling]

Know what? I slept with a fuckton of people before my current gf. She hasn't had a lot of partners. If I don't compare her to my exes, who is she to compare herself to my exes?

Are you looking for ways to berate yourself? If so, you've found it.

Also, what is with the snooping of the exes? Why do current girlfriends feel entitled to size up exes, anyway? I don't understand this at all.

I never told my current gf how many partners I've had, but she knows it's a lot. I'm of the school of thought that if you can't handle the honest answer to that question, then you are better off not asking the question.

Why am I saying all of this? Because the fact that I am with her now is what matters. The fact that he is with you now is what matters. Why are you harping on the past if he is not? Has he ever said, "gee, I wish you were petite and thinner like everyone I have ever fucked?" No? Then, why are you harping on it?

Apparently he loves you for you being you. Why argue with that?

[Honour]

My SO is 6, almost 7, years older than me and has a LOT more sexual experiences under his belt than I do. I have none to go on, beyond fantasies and interests. Does it bother me? No, not really. In fact, I like the fact he's more experienced. I just made peace with the fact that he loves me, for whatever reason, and that's enough for me. If I tried to imagine past experiences of his with other women it would be most unpleasant, and why drudge up the past when there's no need?

[C.C.]

What others said.
And keep in mind that it's not about physical appearance comparison only. Comparing yourself with your SO's past experience in ANY WAY (At one point I used to think my former SO's ex had a better personality in certain aspects for example. Just from what he had told me. I was stupid.)
will tear you down the most and bring you needless anxiety and despair.
Keep in mind: don't solve the specific comparisons BUT the fact of comparing itself.

[NewToLongDistance2016]

In my past relationship, I wasn't insecure due to my looks (my ex always told me I was hot), what made me feel bad about myself is how he would go on about how hot other girls were, his past sexual experiences (I didn't have any) etc. One time he talked about how hot this girl in his school was, I tried to stop him (he was going on about it too much) and he told me "well you aren't the only hottest girl in the world". Yeah I know I'm not the only one, but I feel like there is a point where someone can cross the line. You need to talk to him about what is comfortable for you, if him bringing up exes is painful, let him know. Its normal to look at the opposite sex even when you are in a relationship, but you need to respect your partner and not point it out or think about it too much. From the beginning, I lay down what's not ok, the big one being looking at other people. We have talked about exes, but we don't talk about it to a point where we make each other uncomfortable and you should establish this w/your partner.