If your parents marriages havent worked out....what about yours (one day)

[nena_marie]

This has got to be one of my biggest issues just in general.

Im very picky about marriage and kids (this is just me personally I love anyone who does it any other way)
In order to have a kid, for me I must be married
In order to be married I must know 100% that I will spend the rest of my life with this person.

That being said. How many of your parents marriages didnt last? I know mine didnt my dad was gone before I was 2 (I actually just met him for the 1st time last Feb). This scares me sooooooooo much. The only people still married in my entire family were my grandparents, everyone else got divorced. My aunt and uncle divorced after like 25 years or some crazy amount of time. It bothers me. When they were my age (20) im sure they thought they were going to last forever, have a beautiful life together....is that me now? What am I setting myself up for? A failed marriage in 25 years? Ive seen it all too many times. Everyone can tell me just not to be like that always try to make it work what if its not me? Do people fall out of love? I believe my aunt and uncle loved each other and maybe just stopped idk. It sucks thinking that people will and do change in 20 years. I guess what im trying to say is if you are considering marrying your SO is this also a thought that goes through your mind????


im pretty sure I just think too much

[Karringtyn]

I am divorced. I have been judged many times for the decision I made. I would rather have my kids from a broken home rather than living in one. I never once went into marriage thinking I wasn't in it for 100%. I loved him as much as I could. 18 years later we are no longer together. Things happened... We have three beautiful children and we share custody. He is a great Dad. What he and I failed to be successful at was our relationship...but I have no regrets....I have my babies.

I was a product of an affair. I was raised by my Mom and Step-father after the age of 5. I had a great life...my Mom made sure of that.

You aren't setting yourself up for anything honey. Dont compare yourself to anyone else. Life your life...make your choices..and live them the best you know how.


At 41 I found my soulmate. I am engaged...and I truly know it is going to be totally different this time.

I wish you luck. Nice to meet you.

[LadyMarchHare]

I agree with Karringtyn's words about being from a broken home rather than still being in one. My parents divorced when I was 6, so I remember the fighting, the cursing, the accusations and while I didn't come out unscathed because I was in joint custody (my father was abusive) I think had my mom stayed things would have been much worse for us all.

I believe I said this in another thread, but 5-7 years down the road if I'm still with my Hatter I will heavily consider kids, regardless of marriage as in all honesty the whole marriage thing is paperwork. Would I like to get married? You betcha, but it's still changing little to me if you already feel as close as a wedded couple. I've always been told girls marry guys just like their dad and that's what has scared me the most because if I ever married someone exactly like my dad, I'd be in jail for homicide.

There's a ton of statistics about what causes divorce but from anyone who's been through one or was a kid who went through one with their parents, you can call BS on 'em and just say it's an unfortunate thing. The best you can do is make sure you love and trust the person, that they're worthy of both, and if you happen to split well it's not the end of the world.

[MTK]

In no way do i believe that my parents marriage will reflect how my marriage will be. Sure, being a divorce child might have an effect on you as being a child in a happy marriage will also have an effect on you.
I think it is important to realise that you are your own person and that the mistakes that your parents or your family made doesn't have to be your own mistakes.

I don't know if i can buy "falling out of love" i think that some people just haven't realised yet how much work a relationship really takes and that years from now it will still require work to make sure it doesn't wither away and they also forgets to talk with each other, they get into a rutine and it kinda stops being a relationship and you end up just being roomates.

[squiddie]

My parents didn't split up, but they hit a serious rough patch when I was in high school, at which point my sister and I thought it would be any day before my mom walked out.

But, as Karringtyn said, you never go into marriage thinking you're anything other than 100%.

It's like falling in love: It's a leap of faith. You have to believe that you're in it for the long haul. Everyone has doubts, that's why "cold feet" exists. And, should the worst happen and it doesn't work, remember, we are given an infinite capacity to love. There will always be love in your life, whether it's a spouse, parent, child, or friend. But you have to be willing to take that jump without being able to see how far it actually is to the ground.

And that's what matters, in my opinion.

[Moon]

My parents have been happily married for 43 years, I'm divorced. Marriage is almost always approached with 100% certainty, but the fact is you both grow as people, and sometimes it's in completely opposite directions, to where you can't be together anymore. Some marriages grow stronger everyday, and some just...don't. There are situations you can't control, my ex-husband had a very serious brain tumor. Three intense surgeries and a bout of radiation later turned him into an impossible bully. He was horribly mean, incredibly jealous and controlling, and treated me like a slave. I stuck with it for eight LONG years, I was waiting for my daughter to graduate. Surprisingly, he met some skank at work and left me for her (I wish I knew her, I wanted to send her a thank you card and some flowers ).

I'm by no means anti-marriage and think that it can last forever for some people, but you never get a guarantee when it comes to life, sadly. Don't let that put you off of having kids though, because you just never know what the future holds, and you don't want to lose your chance. Have faith in your SO, but keep in mind that life is full of surprises!

[Caity]

My parents are currently undergoing a divorce. They've come very close before to it about 10 years ago, when my mum had an affair. They'd gone to court and got the papers and everything but then my mum backed out because she found out she was pregnant and didn't know what to do. They've now been married 18 years this october, but they've been seperated since march. They still have to wait a year and a half so they can divorce on grounds of separation. I entirely understand their reasons, but i think it could've been prevented. They barely spoke to each other because they were always on computers doing stuff and my dad seemed to do all the housework and everything, whereas my mum was living almost entirely in a virtual world. She barely spoke to me and my siblings at all. Now she's moved out she seems alot more interested in speaking to us now and spending time with us, so that is definitely an improvement.

I don't think my marriage will be like this. I am different from my parents and I truely couldn't imagine a life without my SO. Relationships take hard work and that doesn't stop. I think today in modern society, divorce may sometimes be seen as an easy option out, rather than working on the relationship and trying to sort things out. Every couple has their rough patches, it's just a matter of staying strong and working your way through them, and this is what I am going to try and do. To me, divorce will never be an option. Not unless things go extremely bad, which I'm very sure they won't do. =)

[MadMolly]

I would consider a happy marriage to be successful even if it ends. I guess I'm a bit of a sceptic but my parents were married for 16 years happily and ended peacefully with 2 children brought up to be very well-rounded. I'd consider that a very successful marriage. If I ever get married, I'm not going to make forever vows because I don't believe you can promise forever. I think it's good that if someone happens to fall out of love (it DOES happen) that they don't feel guilty for breaking promises on top of that. If I get married, it will be for the legal benefits and the party (lol). If I am in an accident and my life support is about to be switched off, I want my guy to be my next-of-kin and have some say in the decision along with my family.

[nena_marie]

I think today in modern society, divorce may sometimes be seen as an easy option out, rather than working on the relationship and trying to sort things out.

i couldnt agree more

[garnet]

I would consider a happy marriage to be successful even if it ends.

Yeah, this ^. I am divorced after 11 years, and we came out of a good/bad marriage and managed to leave it as friends, as family. We didn't work as a couple. You can fall out of love. People change so much sometimes. We have had much success in our new, non romantic relationship!

My parents divorced when I was young, but my marriage and divorce were nothing like theirs.

Now I've remarried, and don't give a thought to divorce. I believe in my marriage 100%. No past relationship is going to guide my future.

[Karringtyn]

I would consider a happy marriage to be successful even if it ends. I guess I'm a bit of a sceptic but my parents were married for 16 years happily and ended peacefully with 2 children brought up to be very well-rounded. I'd consider that a very successful marriage. If I ever get married, I'm not going to make forever vows because I don't believe you can promise forever. I think it's good that if someone happens to fall out of love (it DOES happen) that they don't feel guilty for breaking promises on top of that. If I get married, it will be for the legal benefits and the party (lol). If I am in an accident and my life support is about to be switched off, I want my guy to be my next-of-kin and have some say in the decision along with my family.

This has to be one of the best things I have ever read...I wholeheartedly agree!

[Čternity]

My parents are still happily married after 48 years together. Yet I divorced after seven years when we were both so miserable because I married a friend not a lover. Divorce is rarely an easy option, especially when children are involved. Whether you stay together or not is determined by so many different things that can happen in life. It's more about how you handle the changes in your life. As a couple, as you grow in a relationship, you either grow together or apart because the world and you each change. It's about how you deal with the changes and challenges which you face. For me, and my children, an amicable divorce was preferable and ultimately more healthy than an unhappy marriage.

[Darth_Taco]

My mother is one of the only people in my family that has ever separated from their long-term partner (she's never legally married). Everyone else has stayed legally married and continued to live with each other. Does this mean their marriages are successful? Fuck no, not even close. They have stuck with miserable as fuck marriages because they're too damn stubborn to admit defeat. Then again, that tends to happen when you get married after only knowing the person 3 months. I have one aunt who's husband cheated on her repeatedly, even with his own biological half-sister. I have another aunt who's marriage started off as an affair, and not just any affair. He was dating another aunt, her own sister. There's the uncle who married at 17 to a 13-year-old because her parents found out they were having sex and they were appealed they were having premarital sex. She turned out to be some sort of nymphomaniac who has some of the weirdest sexual fetishes. She likes seeing him have sex with other woman. As a horny man, he obviously said no xD. Anyway, in one threesome he knocked up her best friend @_@. Then she cheated on him and had her youngest daughter with some other guy. Thank God my uncle has decided to love that little girl regardless. There's other fucked up situations, but this is enough.

Now, does this mean I'm doomed to failure? Lord no, I ain't doing it the same way these people did marriage. I know they're my family and I shouldn't say bad things about it, but they're idiots. My uber conservative, traditional grandmother facepalms and their epic failure of marriages. Anyway, if I decide to get married one day, I am not going about it the same way they did. I know how to learn from people's mistakes. My mother was with my abusive father over a decade until she came to her senses and had him arrested and killed his parental rights. The last abusive relationship I was in, ended in a month because we realize we were awful for each other. I'm taking my time choosing who I'm going to legally bind myself to, and I'm not going into it without a prenup. I don't believe in a 100% chance of success, it doesn't exist. I am going it with the mentality "You're the person I want to spend the rest of my life with, and who I am willing to take such a big risk on." Again, this is if I get married. Still on the fence with it. If it's Enrique, I'm ok with it. That's not a decision I made lightly and I only made recently though. Still not gonna say yes if he asks anytime soon @_@.

[Kirschlein]

My parents marriage didn't work out and thats why my marriage will work out in that point. I learned out of their mistakes and i am still in the opinion that it turns out how YOU do it. If you don't care or think suddenly, only because you're married, you can boss him around how you want then it won't work out.

[MTK]

My parents marriage didn't work out and thats why my marriage will work out in that point. I learned out of their mistakes and i am still in the opinion that it turns out how YOU do it. If you don't care or think suddenly, only because you're married, you can boss him around how you want then it won't work out.

I agree with you, you can either learn from the mistakes that your parents make and don't end up like them or you can end up going the same way as your parents. It's really a matter of your personality i think.