Havent talked to her in about a week

[Rezie]

Your completely right. I guess i just thiught it was my fault because i hadnt visited her in person yet but this time i actually spent the time and resources to go out there. I thiught that that would give the relationship some solidsrity and thought it might change how she acted. Do you think its too late to talk to her about it next time? I dont know maybe shes already got that idea of me in her head.

Why would it be only your responsibility to visit? It works both ways. If she ignores you and you bring up that it is not ok. She should explain why she does it and then you deide if it is acceptable or not. Well now that you met and nothing changed. Doesn't that tell you that this pattern is not going to stop?

[Shixorous]

Why would it be only your responsibility to visit? It works both ways. If she ignores you and you bring up that it is not ok. She should explain why she does it and then you deide if it is acceptable or not. Well now that you met and nothing changed. Doesn't that tell you that this pattern is not going to stop?

Well ill give myself some credit, i did bring it up when i was over there. She had resonings for each time. First time was because we never had solid plans of meeting and when our talking died down neither of us really tried to keep it going. The second time was because i had told her i was coming there and i got into school a few months before i was going to make the trip so i couldnt and tried to postpone thirs time was anout 2 weeks before i was going to visit her, we hadnt talked for 6 days and i messaged her and she eventually replied and when i asked about this time she said she was really nervous that i was coming and didnt really know why she stopped. So after the discussion i told her that she could talk to me and didnt need to be that way. She even told me that if she did the "silent treatment" to me again, to keep messaging her until she responded but i feel like that woukdnt work seeing as how i sent a vid message then she responded and then when i tried again nothing. I dont know what to do, i shoukd have been more clear on how not ok it was when i was there. Is it too late to tell her this if she ever text me again?

[Rezie]

I really don't know what to say anymore. No it is propably not too late to tell her it is not ok. I doubt this time is any different from previous ones. You just have to accept that this will happen again.

[Shixorous]

I really don't know what to say anymore. No it is propably not too late to tell her it is not ok. I doubt this time is any different from previous ones. You just have to accept that this will happen again.

Yeah ive been doing some reading about others that have had the same problem. Her actions seem to match up with those who are narcissistic. They say people like that never change which is sad because i really had a lot of fun with her but i cant keep going through this routine.

[erwin1973]

Yeah i think shes actively ignoring me because like i said earlier shes done it so many times.

Crap! You think she is actively ignoring you? I can tell you she is and she is enjoying the game she plays with you, mark my words. You're her toy and you let it be.

Im not giving up on her yet because she didnt say that she didnt want to be with me,

Crap again! You don't give her up, after she gave you up so many times. Don't you have any self esteem, then? You have to set your boundaries. Again, she is playing with you and you let her.

maybe she just needs some time to breathe and ill give her that

More crap! If she needs time to breath, first she should tell you and second, she should not be in a relationship at the first place.

so thats the main reaon why id rather wait to message her and not bombard her with messages asking her whats wrong.

And more crap! Communication is key in EVERY relationship, even more in and LDR. You're not communicating with her, she is not with you. Sorry to be so harsh, but how can you even call this a relationship?

You are looking for excuses. I don't think you love her at all, you just need the attention she is giving you. You let her toy with you. You are her toy. She knows that and she is using you. Sorry for being so harsh, but I have no idea how to tell you this in a nice way. Stop hurting yourself, get out of it. Find yourself and THEN find someone who values you.

[erwin1973]

Well ill give myself some credit, i did bring it up when i was over there. She had resonings for each time. First time was because we never had solid plans of meeting and when our talking died down neither of us really tried to keep it going. The second time was because i had told her i was coming there and i got into school a few months before i was going to make the trip so i couldnt and tried to postpone thirs time was anout 2 weeks before i was going to visit her, we hadnt talked for 6 days and i messaged her and she eventually replied and when i asked about this time she said she was really nervous that i was coming and didnt really know why she stopped. So after the discussion i told her that she could talk to me and didnt need to be that way. She even told me that if she did the "silent treatment" to me again, to keep messaging her until she responded but i feel like that woukdnt work seeing as how i sent a vid message then she responded and then when i tried again nothing. I dont know what to do, i shoukd have been more clear on how not ok it was when i was there. Is it too late to tell her this if she ever text me again?

She is far more clever with the game then you are. You are nothing more then a fun toy that she can grab whenever she wants. All her reasons, in my opinion, are crap, bs, nothing less then that. And you still make excuses to yourself. When do you start acting like a man?

Sorry again for being so direct and harsh, but hey, you make me almost believe you deserve to be treated the way she does. You let her do this.

[Honour]

Erwin's right. You allow her to treat you like shit, it's all you'll ever get.

[Shixorous]

She is far more clever with the game then you are. You are nothing more then a fun toy that she can grab whenever she wants. All her reasons, in my opinion, are crap, bs, nothing less then that. And you still make excuses to yourself. When do you start acting like a man?

Sorry again for being so direct and harsh, but hey, you make me almost believe you deserve to be treated the way she does. You let her do this.

No no your right, some harsh honesty is probably what i needed. Im going to have to let her know when she comes texting again that im not doing it anymore, time to move on

[erwin1973]

No no your right, some harsh honesty is probably what i needed. Im going to have to let her know when she comes texting again that im not doing it anymore, time to move on

You're still playing her game.
Just tell her asap, that you're not her toy any more.

[Taki]

Hmm....reading that this has happened several times before, changes everything :/ And why do I get the feeling that despite you agreeing that she's not treating you right, despite you agreeing that you need to set your boundaries and stick to them, and despite you appreciating erwin1973's harsh honesty, the minute this girl messages and gives some excuse you're just going to go right back to the same pattern?

I too wonder if you genuinely really love her, or whether you're in this relationship because it's so within your comfort zone and familiarity and the thought of letting her go and opening yourself up to the possibility of dating and getting to know someone else is just making you anxious so you're making all sorts of excuses to stay where you currently are?