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**Littlewhiteflower** · March 31, 2017, 01:29 PM

-First, you don't have a huge age difference. You can tell her that it is better to be with a 19 years old mature man than a 17 years old more immature man. I'm almost 6 years younger than my partner and it did not bother my parents (who are over protective).

-Second, even if you family is judgemental about his appareance, who care beside you?

They don't have to find him attractice. As long as he is respectful and kind and have good qualities, his body has no importance for no one except you,

-June is coming really fast. I think the earlier you tell it to your family, the better it is. I'm not sure if your birthday is the right time, because it's not because it's your birthday that she cannot be mad at you.

-Other thing: you should not be ashamed and tell the truth to your partner about your family problems. He is your partner. You know each other since two years. He will eventually wants to meet your family and to see where you live.

-Moreover, you cannot know if your mom would accept to letting him stay or not either, if you don't ask her.

I told my parents about my SO two months before him coming to see me. They reacted badly due to the fact that they thought he could be dangerous. It has been the war at home until he arrives, but he is the one that reassured them. He messaged them. He met them and now, everything is great. My story is probably not the best, due to all the struggles we went through with my parents, but i suggest you to tell the truth about him. Talk to your parents when they are calm and not busy. Try not to react badly if they become angry. It's normal for them to perhaps have a strong reaction due to the fact that you are still young and they want to protect you.
Believe me, it might be a tough moment, but after, you won't have the stress linked with that and you'll be able to concentrate on other stuff.

**JJ.KTP13** · March 31, 2017, 02:01 PM

"First, you don't have a huge age difference. You can tell her that it is better to be with a 19 years old mature man than a 17 years old more immature man. I'm almost 6 years younger than my partner and it did not bother my parents (who are over protective)."

Thank you for sharing this with me ☺ although I believe it's quite different in New Zealand and most parents here actually do care about a three year age gap. Knowing my own mother she wouldn't really like this, especially if I met him online which would falsely make her see that this puts me in a vunerable state. I'm like a little kitten and he's the shark. Let's just say this is what it'll look like from her perspective.

**Rezie** · March 31, 2017, 02:07 PM

- In my opinion your age difference is nothing. So I don't think this should be a problem. If you feel like it is a lot then don't expand on him turning 20. Just say you are almost 17 and he is 19. But peoples feelings on age difference are quite personal. For some 6 months is a lot and for some 20 years is nothing.

- If your family judges people based on their looks then they are very small minded people. Other peoples opinion on his looks doesn't matter

- Birthday or not. People still have feelings. but why would your mom be mad? I can understand worried, confused etc. but there is no reason to be mad. But better to tell soon so they have tiem to adjust to a visit.

- Don't worry about your house or your familys money situation. That is life. If your partner cares about you it will not make a difference. You can ask if it is ok to let him stay at the house once she has adjusted to the idea. Or you can suugest the hotel and how you could hang out during the day.

- Your mum is right to be worried. There are a lot of dishonest people on the internet. Maybe after you ahve told her you could suggest they would speak over skype so she knows he is real. Also when you tell her I wouldn't tell mom how much you love the guy. Talking about love when you haven't met the other person and only been together for a short amount of time tends to freak parents out. Your feelings of love are real, but talking about caring, getting to know etc. might go down better with parents. I might be completely wrong but that would be my advise.

- Remain calm, tell the truth and offer a solution. So when you tell her you can explain he is coming over in june and you would like to meet. He is willing to stay at a hotel, but would it be possible to stay at your house. Then explain that he is willing to talk about the details with her via skype. This shows that you have thought about this. good luck!

**JJ.KTP13** · March 31, 2017, 02:19 PM

"In my opinion your age difference is nothing. So I don't think this should be a problem".

Yes! This is what I agree with, although my mother is different and would only see him as a threat -__- but hopefully with the right timing and confidence. I can tell her and convince her that he's a great boy who I wish to properly be with one day soon. The thing is my mum has always wanted to move to Australia, so I keep trying to persuade her to move to the same city as my boyfriend. Maybe if she knew about him and I told her the reason I want us to move to that area, she would think about it? Plus he could help with finding us a place to live and a place to work, as he's said this a lot.

Also if he were to come here and he stayed at a hotel down the road, heck I'm staying with him not only during the day but I'm gonna stay the the night whether my mum likes it or not! Haha. Plus it would be really unfair because my sister started dating her boyfriend at seventeen and not only did she get to stay at his house at this age, he also was allowed to stay at ours. They are now both nineteen to this day and he has been living with us for the past year and a half.

So hopefully anyway, my mother does decide to let me stay at the hotel with him, including nights. I mean it's only natural right? And you can't stop your daughter from growing up.

**Rezie** · March 31, 2017, 02:26 PM

Originally posted by JJ.KTP13 View Post

"In my opinion your age difference is nothing. So I don't think this should be a problem".

Yes! This is what I agree with, although my mother is different and would only see him as a threat -__- but hopefully with the right timing and confidence. I can tell her and convince her that he's a great boy who I wish to properly be with one day soon. The thing is my mum has always wanted to move to Australia, so I keep trying to persuade her to move to the same city as my boyfriend. Maybe if she knew about him and I told her the reason I want us to move to that area, she would think about it? Plus he could help with finding us a place to live and a place to work, as he's said this a lot.

Ok now you are jumping the gun here. One step at a time. First tell mum about your boyfriend and meet him face to face. Sometimes reality is different from a phone conversation. Don't talk about wanting to move to his hometown. Babysteps.

**Chris516** · March 31, 2017, 02:34 PM

Originally posted by JJ.KTP13 View Post

I met this amazing boy almost two years ago on kik through a group chat. For the first year and few months I only saw him as a friend, but he on the other hand liked me since the first day we met. We became friends on Facebook, and messaged one another through Messenger. We started talking a lot more and one day decided to move to phone calls and video calling. The more I got to know him the more I realized I liked him and he was now a big part of my life. We became so attached that if one of us were offline for a few hours or a day the other one would wind up feeling sad and lonely. Around Christmas day 2016 I ended up telling him through a letter how much he meant to me and that I liked him. He wrote a reply that was similar and cute. We've been talking for months now more than ever and have currently been dating for two months, Long Distance Relationship (Started 1st Feb).

Ok

Originally posted by JJ.KTP13 View Post

He lives in Australia, and I live in New Zealand, and we're roughly 1000-2000 km's apart. It sucks so bad that I can't physically be with him in person, and the thing is neither of us have told our parents about each other. He's my first ever boyfriend and I'm quite nervous to tell my mum about him. What I'm really scared about is how she will react to our age difference. I'm turning seventeen in a few days and he's nineteen, turning twenty at the end of the year. He's two years and five months older than me. My mum watches a lot of that t.v show called Catfish and is always telling me to be careful on social media and to not talk to strangers which is why I'm finding it hard to tell her about my "Internet" boyfriend. I just want her to know that he isn't a catfish, I know what he looks like, we videocall every day for hours. I can trust him because I've met a few of his friends and I've seen his family roaming in the backround while we're videocalling. I've also fb stalked his close family members like his parents, older siblings and cousins. He's a real person, and he claims to be who he says he is. I really do trust him and I'm willing to keep this relationship strong and let my friends and family know about him.

You mention the tv show 'Catfish'. While your mother is right about being careful about online communications. Show your mother the research you have done on him.

Originally posted by JJ.KTP13 View Post

Another thing I'm worried about is that my family can be judgemental as any other person would be. He isn't the hottest guy ever and knowing some of my family members they may think I'm too good for him. Or judge him based on his appearance. I honestly love him for who he is, he has a great sense of humour, a kind personality and he's so cute yet so quirky at the same time. I love him so much because we have this strong connection that I can't ignore even if I wanted to. He makes me so happy, and makes me feel good about myself and also has never once pressured me to do anything. I'm finding it so difficult to grow some balls and tell my mum everything. I've thought about mentioning that he's from New Zealand too but has lived In Australia most his life, maybe this will ease everything down a bit. He is also going through the same problem and is struggling to find a way to tell his parents, that is why we're both supporting one another and are planning on how we're going to stop hiding our relationship from our parents. They're actually starting to get suspicious because we're always in our rooms and they can hear us whispering or talking to one another late in the night.

Looks aren't everything.

Originally posted by JJ.KTP13 View Post

What I'm excited about is that him and his parents are flying to New Zealand in June for a holiday and are going to their hometown for two weeks. My boyfriend and I have agreed that the right time to tell our parents could be on my birthday, April 13th as it is a special occasion, and my mum would be in the right kind of mood, plus she wouldn't get angry at me on my birthday right?I'm trying really hard to prepare myself, but I feel like I'm going to bail at the last second and let my bf down. The reason we're wanting to tell our parents early is because he wants to bus to where I live so he can stay with me for a couple of days and then join back with his family. I really want to see him more than anything!! And it would be better if we told our parents earlier as it gives them an early notice and they can have time to think things through and allow it to happen. I'm sort of against him coming to my house because it's small and we wouldn't get much privacy due to my annoying little siblings coming in and out of my room without knocking or asking. I would much rather he stayed at a hotel down the road from my house and I could stay with him there for the few days we have together.

You wouldn't be able to stay at a hotel. It is far too early for that sort of visit.

**JJ.KTP13** · March 31, 2017, 02:49 PM

"You wouldn't be able to stay at a hotel. It is far too early for that sort of visit".

Thank you for your opinion, I respect it. BUT personally I think it isn't early at all. When My sister was seventeen she told my mother about her boyrfriend only a week before they had made plans for her to stay at his house for the weekend. I'm giving my mother months notice. So hopefully she'll say yes. I have a good feeling about this.

**bluegeodes** · March 31, 2017, 02:59 PM

From someone who was in a similar situation (SO and I started dating when we were 16/17, wanted to elope within months, economic differences), slow down! The age difference is not huge, but maturity and growth happens most rapidly at both 17 and 19. Not to say that you aren't mature now, but you will experience the most change in yourself and your partner will change as well. My partner and I have been together for five years and we are nowhere near the same people as we were when we first started dating, and we would have imploded horribly if we had gone through with moving in together (I wouldn't have completed university and he wouldn't have known what he wanted period). Sometimes you know at 17, but be good and kind to your heart and his by allowing things to move slowly and deliberately. The growth periods won't be as world-wracking and what seems big will become small. Don't let the relationship compromise your future good!

You sound like a lovely couple. Let yourself be young without making reckless actions.

**hmrambling** · March 31, 2017, 04:46 PM

Interesting that you say that your family will think you're too good for him because he isn't hot, yet you later admit that you don't want him to see your house because you don't have proper furniture in the living room. Anyone else see the contradiction here?

It's not good to start any relationship with secrets. Be open and honest with your boyfriend and your family.

**JJ.KTP13** · March 31, 2017, 05:32 PM

Yes I know this thank you very much for pointing out the obvious, no offense. But it's just hard you know? I'm scared he may judge my home but not say anything about it, to be polite. I hate not being able to fully be honest to him about this I hope ya'll understand that I'm just scared. Besides you guys are all most likely older than me and have had more experience so I guess I should take that into consideration. Thanks

**JJ.KTP13** · March 31, 2017, 05:45 PM

"From someone who was in a similar situation (SO and I started dating when we were 16/17, wanted to elope within months, economic differences), slow down! The age difference is not huge, but maturity and growth happens most rapidly at both 17 and 19. Not to say that you aren't mature now, but you will experience the most change in yourself and your partner will change as well. My partner and I have been together for five years and we are nowhere near the same people as we were when we first started dating, and we would have imploded horribly if we had gone through with moving in together (I wouldn't have completed university and he wouldn't have known what he wanted period). Sometimes you know at 17, but be good and kind to your heart and his by allowing things to move slowly and deliberately. The growth periods won't be as world-wracking and what seems big will become small. Don't let the relationship compromise your future good! You sound like a lovely couple. Let yourself be young without making reckless actions."

Thank you for the advice 😊 and don't worry we're not planning on moving in together!! It's just that an oppurtunity has opened up, as my mum is planning on moving to Australia and I've asked to go with her. We're looking for the right place to live and since I've learnt a lot about the city and area he lives in, I just want to live closer to him so that we won't have to worry about money problems as much, and also distance.

Neither of us have said anything about moving in, we've just been talking about moving closer so that our relationship can be successful. And since we're planning on moving some place in Aussie, nowhere is better than being closer to my boyfriend.

But of course it would be best to meet him first in person, more than once to see what he's really like, and so I can see if I'm still keen on our relationship, and if I still wish to move closer to him.
Do you catch my drift?

**JJ.KTP13** · March 31, 2017, 06:02 PM

Also could I please get advice more so on what I should say to my mum on the day I decide to tell her about my partner?

I'm freaking the heck out!!! She can be so bipolar and it's really hard to catch her in a good mood. I'm going to try my best, but first I need your guys help with this!!

This is the reason why I came here. To seek for experienced people's advice

**Littlewhiteflower** · March 31, 2017, 06:11 PM

No offence, but how do you expect us to know what is best to say to your mom if you, who knows her since 17 years, don't know how to do it?

I suggest waiting for her when she has a good day, and when she is not sad or depressed or in an angry mood. Just tell her, "mom, can I talk to you about something." And then you can tell her your story. Slowly. Without getting mad if she reacts badly. Let her take the new. It will not necessarily be easy, but you have to go one step at a time.

i think its normal to want to stay with him at the hotel, but you're still young and you haven't met yet. I think you should go one step at a time. You have no idea how it will be in real. I had no idea when I met my partner.
You can think you're ready as well, but it doesn't mean your head tells you the good thing.
Go more slowly. I think it won't be bad for you. It will just help you.

**JJ.KTP13** · March 31, 2017, 10:28 PM

"No offence, but how do you expect us to know what is best to say to your mom if you, who knows her since 17 years, don't know how to do it?"

You don't know how hard it actually is. I'm not very close to my mum, I mean I am but not around the "boyfriend" department. I have q good mother daughter relationship with her, but when it comes to asking her for advice and telling her my secrets I find myself holding back on that . She can be a strict woman, and she's still young herself only in her mid thirties. She's only been with one guy her whole life, obviously my dad but sadly he left our family, and I don't hear much from him. I haven't seen him in nearly a year and it's been a year and a half since they split. So yes I find it hard to tell my mum, and all I'm looking for is help how to tell my strict, yet kind mother about a boy.

I'm sure many of you have gone through this problem and I just want to know how you did it. AGAIN...thanks.

Announcement

I'm nervous to tell my mum about my LDR with my boyfriend and the age difference!!

I'm nervous to tell my mum about my LDR with my boyfriend and the age difference!!

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