He deleted messenger - ghosted - visiting in less than 2 weeks.

[Reyhoney]

Honestly? Sounds to me like he has found someone else. I’m sorry, but new phone or not? That’s just illogical on your part to think! First thing I would do if I got a new phone is to install WhatsApp or messanger and set it up so I wouldn’t miss a message from my bf who is coming to see me soon! Also, those new smart phones will automatically download all your old apps, contacts and photos!

I think he found someone else and has no idea how to tell you since you’re coming and all, you reaching out to his friends and family wouldn’t change that either, looks like he’s already made up his mind.

You’d be crazy to go, firstly cause you’d teach him that he can disrespect you and walk all over you and you’ll still travel and cross an ocean for him in a heartbeat, that doesn’t communicate that you’re of high value.

Secondly, you’ll end up hating yourself... you really really will, no matter even if you go there with a mind set that it’s over and you’re just going for you, you know that it will really mess you up and get to your head.

Thirdly, by not going you’re teaching him that ghosting and behaving like A LITTLE SCARED CAT, is not okay and you will not tolerate it. You are setting how you want your future to be with him, if there’s even one.

Fourthly, you gotta show him what life will be without you, you won’t just run over to his rescue, there are going to be consequences, and one of those will you be removing yourself from this toxic situation.

I know you still want to go, but give yourself one hour only of you thinking about not going.

[Rezie]

You’d be crazy to go, firstly cause you’d teach him that he can disrespect you and walk all over you and you’ll still travel and cross an ocean for him in a heartbeat, that doesn’t communicate that you’re of high value.

Secondly, you’ll end up hating yourself... you really really will, no matter even if you go there with a mind set that it’s over and you’re just going for you, you know that it will really mess you up and get to your head.

Thirdly, by not going you’re teaching him that ghosting and behaving like A LITTLE SCARED CAT, is not okay and you will not tolerate it.

I know you still want to go, but give yourself one hour only of you thinking about not going.

if I had a plane ticket and time off booked I would definitely go. traveling is fun and if my boyfriend was being an asshole I wouldn't let him ruin my time by staying at home. so I don't think going is a representation of anything. forgiving him tells more. in my opinion going, staying with a friend and telling him "maybe we can meet up for lunch" is a bigger f u than not going.

OP the thing about mindset is true. you can keep saying something to yourself and not mean it. make sure if you meet up that you don't throw it to his face. maybe do some trips to.other places so it will truly be a holiday for YOU. but I would do the same as you and go anyway. never skip an opportunuty to travel if it is planned.

If he is going to use new phone as an excuse don't listen to it. unless he has been in coma there is no excuse. he could have sent a message from friends Facebook and let you know that he can't be contacted for a week.

[C.C.]

I am also leaning towards going. It's gonna be super fun to travel, especially since OP has a friend there and can change ticket anytime. Going to his country doesn't necessarily mean (I hope) she doesn't doubt him or that she's going there for him. I do agree that he has been a total jerk and shouldn't just be forgiven but at the same time, I really don't see anything bad in going there if it's done in a smart way! Like why should going somewhere be associated with a guy at all? Good luck OP :3

[Reyhoney]

I am also leaning towards going. It's gonna be super fun to travel, especially since OP has a friend there and can change ticket anytime. Going to his country doesn't necessarily mean (I hope) she doesn't doubt him or that she's going there for him. I do agree that he has been a total jerk and shouldn't just be forgiven but at the same time, I really don't see anything bad in going there if it's done in a smart way! Like why should going somewhere be associated with a guy at all? Good luck OP :3

If she’s going for her then definitely, but I don’t feel like that’s what she’s doing, I think she wants to go over there and sit him down and try to have him come clean and admit what he’s doing wrong and try to fix it.

What if she goes there and he doesn’t answer her phone calls, open the door? That would destroy her. I know it would completely kill me.

[NewToLongDistance2016]

So he gets a new phone and doesn't even bother to install things on it so he can communicate with you, do I understand that right? So he has just a new phone, that's all... Only the standard things on it like calling and texting... no messenger, whatever. Even then he could have texted you. Anyway... it's a strange situation in my eyes.

I hope you get the closure you are looking for. Looks to me he is not really interested any more, but for you I hope I am wrong.

I hope everything goes well for you either way, but it doesn't sound good. The 1st thing I do when I get a new phone is make sure I can contact everyone I care abt (bf, friends etc). Good luck w/everything and hope you have an amazing time no matter what.

[Jsm92]

Thank you guys! :-)

I am a big fan of traveling, so it is exactly what some of you say; that I kind of could not dream about skipping a trip because of this. So yes, a part of it is to go and see if we can have a real talk and I can tell him that he's BEING FUCKING CRAZY. And then I would take it from there , and maybe it would end up being me traveling around the states, maybe it would be me staying there, maybe it would be me staying at a friend in the same town. I can't know before I go.. My studies are all distance learning so I can do them from anywhere, and instead of exclusively making this about him, I am trying to make it more about a vacation.

So yea I think some of you know what I mean and some have other opinions, and thats fine :-)
I appreciate all of it!!

[Reyhoney]

If you plan on going then make a few plans with friends you can stay with, not just one person, people you trust to have your back 100%. Bring enough money, know how to get around the city if you’re alone somehow, find a hotel just in case you need one last minute.

And good luck, I hope everything goes well for you.

[hmrambling]

a part of it is to go and see if we can have a real talk and I can tell him that he's BEING FUCKING CRAZY.

If he hasn't bothered to call or message or get in touch with you at all, I can't see him even contacting you or picking you up or entertaining having a conversation where you essentially tell him off. Have an awesome trip with your friends.