Please, i need help, i really need to know what to do fast.

[ryanscriven]

Long story short, we have been on and off for almost a year now. During the past , she has gotten cold feet and run away, or made up a lie to get out or get attention
here is the latest thing, i am unsure as to how to handle it.

Well, Katie has had issues with not running away in the past because when she gets too closed to people, it scares her to be close to someone. may have to do with some of hwo she was brought up, very religious household, mormon.
Well she is a free spirit, open to many things, and sometime a while ago a family member of hers got her interested in quantam touch healing, she believes she can do it. i dont pass any judgment on this, i just support her with what she wants to do.
she also claims she has other abilities as well.
Well this last august she told me she sensed there was a "dark spirit" in me, that had taken over and she wanted to cleanse me from it, she had asid it had been with me since last november, about two months after my 12 year old brother passed away.
well needless to say.. i was skepticle.
i humored her in letting her help me cleanse this spirit away from me.
then after she left to go back to where she was living(hawaii, we got to spend 5 days together.
well after she goes home, a couple weeks later she calls me and tells me about how she is going through some things in her past.
Abuse she went through.
she siad that this spirit had control over me and made me abuse her, made me assault her sexually.*note, we didnt have sex until june, it could hardly be called sex, she got scared(her religion is anti-premarital sex, but it just kidna happened, but it didnt last more than 10 seconds i think befor she got up and left) and when we met up in august, we got fairly physical, said it didnt scare her then, felt right*
she said i raped her.
I HAVE NO RECOLLECTION OF THIS WHATSOEVER.
anyone who knows me knows i am not that kind of person. and she has made some pretty big lies before for attention and to run away. like for example, a friend killing himself the year before, she told me that when my brother died. she also told me about she was almost raped in summer of 09, which she later eventually said she instigated that, and that the friend never even existed..
i of course, not remembering any of this, told her, she said that isnt very surprising, her cousin didnt remember when she was inflicted with a dark spirit(yes, this apparently happened before, tho i never heard of it once)
just seemed too coincidental to me.
I also have never been unconcious intentionally around her either, except when we were together in august, but i was cleaned then, so there was no problem then of course.
and i have no memory gaps when we have been together, nothing out of place, nothing off.

i know i am sane and a fully functioning human being with the inability to care about my typing at this moment, please forgive errors. just stressed.

i know she is lying, and its big, this is a strong accusal, even thoguht she doesnt hold it against me, says it wasnt my fault, says it was this spirit.

What do i do?
do i confront her? i dont want to lose her, but she needs help.
i will stick with her through this, i love her and she is worth it to me. so very worth it.

please. comments. anyone.

[garnet]

Goodness. How old is she? Does she live with her parents? Do you know her parents? I would think the best thing you could do for her is to try and get her loved ones to get her into seek treatment. I am sure she is a wonderful girl, but she clearly has some big issues.

If there is no one, and you can't talk her into maybe first step seeing a counselor, maybe it's time to take a step back from this relationship. I am sure that is the last thing you want to hear. But your gf accusing you of raping her is pretty serious. Even if she only said it to you.

Honestly imo, you are somewhere around ultimatum time... get help or say goodbye. Do you think she would tell others you raped her? I'm sorry you're going through this. I know how hard it is trying to deal with a loved one with "problems."

Anyway, with her making up wild stories and lies about you, this isn't a healthy relationship for you to be in. I hope you can somehow get her into treatment, and I hope things improve for her too.

[Čternity]

It does sound like she has some serious issues. How old is she? Does she have someone looking out for her where she lives? Accusations of rape are serious. Personally, I couldn't stay with anyone who had falsely accused me of sexually assaulting them. I'd be concerned if you have an ongoing relationship that next time she may report a 'rape' to the police. If there are others around her that are concerned for her I'd try talking to them first.

[JoMarie]

Wow. I've really not had any experience with anything that you're saying here. You are in a very awkward position it seems. I've not been raped before but a friends of mine has. I know that she feels very uncomfortable around men by herself a lot of times and that it takes a long while for her to even trust a man. Something tells me that if you did rape her, YOU would know it, and she wouldn't want to be alone with you (wether there is a dark spirit or not). I agree with you that she is lying, but wow thats so not anything to lie about.

I would talk to her about it, and I mean a serious talk, about how she can't keep accusing people of Rape etc. If I were you I would also weigh the pros and cons of being with this girl. Is she worth it? I mean being accused of Rape falsely seems like a BIG deal to me. I'm not sure I could continue any kind of relationship with her if she didn't get some help. Maybe she has had a few past experiences that weren't good?

All in all I would talk to her, and I would make sure I watch my own back, God forbid she go to the police or anything. Good luck man

[LadyMarchHare]

That reeks of pathological liar to me. The girl is very delusional, and more than likely has some mental issue as a few of them give the sufferer the thoughts that they have 'abilities' other humans don't, mostly spiritual or saying they can sense another being's presence, things like that.

The fact alone she has a history of crying wolf as far as rape is concerned tells me she's either seriously struggling with how she was raised or, again, she's delusional and may be so unstable that one minute it actually is rape and the next it was all a weird dream/bad sex. That or as I mentioned, she could just be a really big liar. Any police officer will tell you bad sex does not equal rape and if she went to the cops with it (I doubt it) they would do a psych evaluation on her.

Really I admire your patience with this, but honey there's not a snowball's chance in hell things will get better unless you get her help ASAP, even then she can't be helped unless she wants and realizes she needs help, which I can tell you isn't gonna happen. It's hard to say what's causing her to do this as people get thrown out of whack for no reason, but this girl is toxic to you and frankly I wouldn't want to be around someone I'd be scared to touch because they claim I'm possessed or me trying to kiss them is sexual assault or somesuch. It's not fair to you.

[Silviar]

I agree with the others - hun, she needs help, but you can't give her the help she needs. She needs a professional, and a good one. You need to decide how supportive you can/are willing to be, and stick to your guns, because you're in for a really rough ride.

[Tanja]

She needs professional help asap and I think you should stay away from her until she's better (if she can get better), those accusations and lies are a HUGE deal and if to her that's nothing god knows what she might come up with next! I think you need to find a girlfriend who you can kiss and touch without being accused of sexual abuse.

[Karringtyn]

Take a step back and read what you wrote.

She needs to cleanse you? Come on. I know when you love someone you support them, stand by them, and love unconditionally. But you also need to do the same for YOURSELF. Love yourself enough to not be played games with. She is easily trying to get a hold over you so she can do the whole Cry wolf thing...and it is serious BS. Noone should be put through that...and the only way she can be stopped is by getting help. By staying with her and allowing her to do this to her...in fact you are only making it worse for her. Because she can continue her delusional thinking.

How old is she? How far away from her are you? How long have you been together? The age thing is a big one....because I seriously can't believe that her parents haven't gotten help for her before now....so sad.

Keep writing here....we all will listen and give you the best advice we know.

[Zephii]

Mate, this is a lawsuit just waiting to happen. I'm all for loving people and standing by them, but what happens when this chick decides she'll get even more attention by telling some of this shit to the police? You need to protect yourself first before you go trying to save others

[Michelle]

Mate, this is a lawsuit just waiting to happen. I'm all for loving people and standing by them, but what happens when this chick decides she'll get even more attention by telling some of this shit to the police? You need to protect yourself first before you go trying to save others

100% agree. Get out of this relationship. I know you want to help her but doing so may get you in serious trouble if she tells people you raped her. No one is going to believe you they will believe her accusations first.

I honestly would cut her completely out of my life and stop all communication with her unless you want to be on the sex offender registry.

[folclor]

I agree with Zephii and Michelle. Anyone who's going to lie like that isn't going to come back from it anytime soon. I've had friends like that before...is not a good situation to be in. You need to leave and cut contact now before she either makes up even worse stories about you or tells everyone else that it happened.

[ChrisIsCallisto]

it sounds hard to swallow but i agree with zephii and michelle
get out of the relationship.
if she tells ANYONE, not just the police you 'raped' her then you could be in some serious crap that'll effect you for the rest of your life.
cut all ties with her, and if you cant just go then send her a message saying bye or something, and that she should try and get a counciler, then speak to her very unoccasionaly.
good luck with the relationship, whatever you decide to do

[ryanscriven]

I dont know why i stay in this, other than the fact that I love her and feel its worth it, which is probably not good.
she is 18, i know, young, but this is just something that feels right, i have never been with someone who i clicked wiht so well. this problem has just gotten pretty bad now. i dont think she would ever go to the police, she isnt that cold. she actually admitted this morning to the spirit BS being a lie, and that she wanted time to think, she got the hint i was doubting it.. finally. she claims thought that she feels i abused her becuase when we took steps up over the last year physically, however small the increments were, that she was not ready for them. yet, half the time she instigated it(like he almost rape in hawaii? hmm), and she always. ALWAYS consented. i would never do anything ot harm her or anyone else physically or emotionally(we are also each others firsts)
I feel it has a big part to do with how she was raised, adn that there is an underlying mental problem.

I know i am no psychologist, and i dont presume to assume she has any of these problems, but after talking to a few outside, 3rd party perspective people, and now with some of your replies. it makes me worry she has a bi-polar disorder or even a schizophrenia disorder.
I was up through most of the night researching them.
alot of her actions, and behaviors match these. and i mean.. ALOT. and the poeple i talked to, thought of these without my suggestion, so i dont feel its entirely my own bias connection leading to these conclusions. they are not people who dislike her, and they are not people who are more or less for her. i tried to find the most non-biased people i could.

I know i need to reccomend she talk to someone, and i am going to. and if she doesnt acknowledge my concerns and seek help, which is, sadly, what i am expecting, i know her parents, and i will discuss it with them as soon as i can.

someone asked if she has anyone watchign over her, she just moved to hawaii not too long ago, she is staying with her grandparents while they help pay for her to go to college. Her grandma is actually a nurse practitioner i beleive, and has some experience the medical area, so i hope she is keeping an eye out on things.

also, does anyone feel that it would be weird that she likes to move alot and has a difficult time staying in one place?
i know that happens with many people, but given how she has been acting, its just a concern.
she is planning on moving back here to olympia soon, so, i was thinking, along the lines of our personal issues, they may resolve in some way.

one thing i have noticed is that there is abit of a period, each time we get back together, where things are absolutely amazing, then.. sooner or later it dives into something. something to pull us apart.
this is our 5th time together.

i can understand if you ask why i go through this, my answer is it just feels right. maybe i need to get some help for this. i am not sure.

[ryanscriven]

Also, her parents know that she has lied about some big things before, i believe they are under the impression that is not anything outside the realm of normal lying. they have a large family, she has 6 other siblings.

her mom is very true to their religion and it has caused some problems with her and her ability to speak about how she feels about things. she tends to act like her mom blowing up situations.
her dad, religious, definitely believes, but is a very laid back individual.

[folclor]

probably pathological lying, not schizophrenia. I have a friend with schizophrenia. Trust me, that's not schizophrenia. it doesn't sound like bipolar, either, as that's more emotions than anything. I'm sorry, dude, but you should really just let her go, as hard as that is.