Keeping your LDR secret

[Jackie]

I didn't realize we had so many youngin's around here! Just kidding, it's cool that you guys are mature enough to handle this kind of relationship.

Anyways, I've never been in the LDR-Closet, so to speak. Well... okay, I lied. When Chris and I *first* met, I hadn't told anybody except 1 person, my roommate at the time, where I was going and who I was meeting. After the weekend that we spent together though, I told my best friend and anybody else who was close to me. I'm really open about my relationship, and I have no problem discussing it with anybody. Most of my friends probably think I'm really strange for wanting to go through this, but nobody has ever criticized me about it, which I'm so thankful for.

[Veiled_Dreamer]

I can understand why you'd think that, if I'm honest I even raised an eyebrow when I read it! (Sorry! )

Having said that, Tanja is exactly 5 years and one month older than me, so for 30 days some 6-7 years ago, I was 14 and she was 20! It's kinda weird to think of it like that!

She won't thank me for saying that either... :S

To be equally honest, I would say that I would be worried if you didn't raise an eyebrow. So no, not offended whatsoever. The only thing that offends me in regards to the age is people that automatically assumes all he wants is cybersex and he's a pedophile and all that horrible nonsense that gets to teenage girls on the Internet. I don't know how to say this PG rated, but he and I want the same things, I matured faster physically and mentally (due to a depression and the fact that my parents believe in treating children as adults as very much as possible), so my, uh, mental connection to the physical is... in tune with his. >.> I know that's the primary concern in something like this, but he has to be one of the most respectable young men in that aspect I've met. He and I have a lot of the same morals, so even if it doesn't work out, I know I'll value his friendship.

But yeah. First glance, I'm a giddy teenage girl with some pedophile creeper on the Internet. XD And I don't have time to explain everything to everyone, especially people around here that have no intention of listening. And that is in no way applying to you, Andy, I'm glad you listened before you judged. =]

[Andy]

To be equally honest, I would say that I would be worried if you didn't raise an eyebrow. So no, not offended whatsoever. The only thing that offends me in regards to the age is people that automatically assumes all he wants is cybersex and he's a pedophile and all that horrible nonsense that gets to teenage girls on the Internet. I don't know how to say this PG rated, but he and I want the same things, I matured faster physically and mentally (due to a depression and the fact that my parents believe in treating children as adults as very much as possible), so my, uh, mental connection to the physical is... in tune with his. >.> I know that's the primary concern in something like this, but he has to be one of the most respectable young men in that aspect I've met. He and I have a lot of the same morals, so even if it doesn't work out, I know I'll value his friendship.

But yeah. First glance, I'm a giddy teenage girl with some pedophile creeper on the Internet. XD And I don't have time to explain everything to everyone, especially people around here that have no intention of listening. And that is in no way applying to you, Andy, I'm glad you listened before you judged. =]

I'm not really in a position to judge being with in a relationship with an almost identical age-gap!

You do come across as very mature by the way, I never would have guessed you were 14! Despite my childishness (which I'm more than happy to openly admint to ) I've always been very mature too, from a particularly young age compared to some I grew up with. My parents spoke to me and treated me as an adult from when I was around 10 or 11, but I definitely know how it feels to be treated as a kid purely because of your age and not who you are as a person.

So frustrating sometimes, especially when others around you are behaving like 5-year-olds

[Veiled_Dreamer]

My parents spoke to me and treated me as an adult from when I was around 10 or 11, but I definitely know how it feels to be treated as a kid purely because of your age and not who you are as a person.

So frustrating sometimes, especially when others around you are behaving like 5-year-olds

Ah, me too. I went through a depression for around 12 to 13.5 and I really grew up then, but I also picked up this incredible insecurity I have now. I also have an anxiety thing, but I'm lucky in that my SO deals with it pretty much better than I do and is really trying to help me get through my panicking. I love him for it, he's reasonable when I can't be.

It makes me laugh, almost, when my friends are going on about how much they love their boyfriends practically from day one, and my SO and I have been "together" for five months and we can still openly discuss the fact that we are not in love yet. I love him dearly, and I can picture myself spending my life with him, but I really can't promise he's "the one", and we're really okay with that. He and I haven't met in person yet, I'd hate to declare myself taken for life and then the chemistry would just be nonexistant. >.> Plus, he's been torn apart romantically in the past and I respect that he isn't ready to declare himself in love yet.

[Andy]

Ah, me too. I went through a depression for around 12 to 13.5 and I really grew up then, but I also picked up this incredible insecurity I have now. I also have an anxiety thing, but I'm lucky in that my SO deals with it pretty much better than I do and is really trying to help me get through my panicking. I love him for it, he's reasonable when I can't be.

It makes me laugh, almost, when my friends are going on about how much they love their boyfriends practically from day one, and my SO and I have been "together" for five months and we can still openly discuss the fact that we are not in love yet. I love him dearly, and I can picture myself spending my life with him, but I really can't promise he's "the one", and we're really okay with that. He and I haven't met in person yet, I'd hate to declare myself taken for life and then the chemistry would just be nonexistant. >.> Plus, he's been torn apart romantically in the past and I respect that he isn't ready to declare himself in love yet.

That's great that you can talk so openly about such delicate subjects

I've always said that even though I knew I loved Tanja before we met, and I was in love with her too, I still maintained that I wouldn't "know" until after we met, although I was fairly certain let's say

But since we have met, over a year ago now, it feels like our love has exploded. Looking back, my feelings for her before we met almost seem to pale into insignificance compared with now!

[ginaxnj]

My friends are pretty much the only people that really know, though my dad knows that I talk to some guy that lives on the other side of the country. I've brought up recently ldr's and he told me that they never work because you don't have the connection that cdr has. He's kind of negative about it. My mom doesn't know and I do plan on telling her eventually.

[Darth_Taco]

I really didn't keep it secret. I told my mom within a week we were official, she told my step-dad, it completely slipped my mind to tell my brother O_o. He found out the day some weird guy was standing at our doorway xD. Anyway, I told a few guy friends who were asking me out. Um...I don't think I told may other people. All I did was change my relationship status on Myspace and Facebook. Everyone else would have to just stalk me to find out :P. We hadn't met yet, so I didn't tell many people. I would have if anyone asked XP. After a month we met though. Things went great :'D! I told everyone after that :P. It turned out he told everyone from the beginning xD. Everyone though he was with an internet predator. They were right ;D. What he didn't bother telling people is that we was leaving for a weekend to meet some person he met on the internet :P. He only told his ex, who he left for me XP. It's a long story, we're all cool with each other :'D.

I actually get a lot of the pedophile crap too O_o. The thing is, I only get it when we're in person XP. It's all very stupid. I look a lot younger than I am. I am still constantly mistaken for a 15-year-old. I'm turn 20 in May D:<! He very clearly looks like a 20 year old. I have no idea how I look younger, I'm a recovering drug addict O_o. Don't people like me look around 50? Anyway, people are stupid XP. I am 19, turning 20 in May. He turned 20 in January. We're legal!

[BJL_Sweetheart1109]

We never kept it a secret. We met New Years Eve 2008 though and he was on leave [first leave after finishing his tour in Iraq] for 2 more weeks. Everyone knew something was up when I spent nearly everyday with him after we met. I hadn't actually "dated" anyone in about 2 years and surely hadn't been so eager to spend that much time with any of the guys I had been meeting. So all my friends knew this was different and he had to be something special to catch my attention like he had. He was leaving early in the morning and my parents were having a party at the house for a family members b-day. So I left in the evening. That's when he walked me to my car, placed his dogtags around my neck, and told me he loved me. We made it official then that we were dating. As soon as I got home mom asked, "So did he ask you out?" (My family immediately loved him) My friends were a little weirded out by the idea of me dating someone, but a few of them were able to meet him and liked him. The others just knew that if I was actually dating there had to be really deep feelings and they knew I was certain he felt the same way. People ask "how do you do it?" but I never felt I had to keep it a secret. I don't care about the LD thing....I'm optimistic so I always put emphasis on the fact that it's made us develop such a great sense of communication and openess with one another! I feel we're actually much closer than if we weren't in a LDR.

[William]

I didn't keep it a secret, my SO did at first. She just came out of a failed 3-month LDR and she's 8yrs older, so she didn't want to announce anything new and get the "see, you should have known that wasn't gonna work, we told you before".
When she finally told people, and added that we'd been dating for 4 months already, everyone was really enthusiastic.

[ErinKristine]

I didn't tell family and friends immediately because I had just gotten out of a bad relationship. He didn't really tell anyone immediately either. We met during the summer and talked for about a month before going on our first date. Two weeks later had had to go away for some ROTC training ( he was away for 5 weeks and told me he'd understand if I didn't wait for him), I knew I would have waited longer than 5 weeks. He got home from training and we saw each other for another 2 weeks before he had to go back to school since he was in a command position for ROTC. I can't remember when my family met him, but they loved him right away. They said they could tell he was a great guy. I met his family 4 months into our relationship, they knew about me before then though, just with being 4 hours away from each other while in school it made it hard to arrange weekend plans.
We've pretty much been LD since our relationship began, he's currently stationed 321 miles from our hometown.

[woop woop]

I couldn't have kept it a seret if I tried! The night we met I was with friends - including my flatmate. I was so smitten I compulsively talked about him for a week. I was on a work trip when he told me he could see me again before he left the country - I was so excited I told my (fairly new) colleagues - they were speculating away with strangers on the train back to our city! And when he came to visit for a weekbecause he was coming to the UK, I felt theneed to tell my parents...who are very good at holding back questions. (Although I think they pumped my sister for info!)

[NerdyH]

I used to. Sort of.

Well, there's this constant battle between my heart and brain. My heart wanted to let every single person in the entire world know that I had fallen in love.. while my brain was worried people would think it was weird and my parents would not accept it. I started off easy with mentioning this guy I had met over the internet, telling them a little bit about him, keeping it discreet.
Then I was on the phone with my dear friend and went "I might have, sort of.. fallen in love with this guy.." and then I spilled it all out. I told everyone. Except my parents, they got to know first time I brought him home, haha!

[Jerome W]

Keeping my LDR secret was never something I thought about to be honest, I cant really remember when my mum found out, perhaps she guessed when she had been hearing a girl's voice from my computer. Who knows :P... Maybe she thought it was just part of my internet network of friends. The relationship was definitely out when I had to convince her that the person I was going to see was not "some man off the internet pretending to be a woman". Although at this time it was still not official between ourselves. The very first week of seeing my SO in real life, I met her parents too.. That was an interesting experience I can tell you :P. New people I meet, I tell them about my relationship aswell, I am proud to be in this situation, with such a lovely girl!

[seshei]

I haven't really kept my LDR a secret. I just haven't broadcasted it, either. But, I'd be the same way about a CDR. I'm just private.

Most people know. I talk with my friends and sister about my relationship. But, I refuse to talk about it with my mother. She's very judgmental about anything "me", so I just avoid it. Seeing as he's been over here twice, I'd say it's obvious. Pretty hard to not know when you see us together. We're happy together, though not sappy or anything.

He's the same way, though he has no problems acknowledging our relationship with his parents. They're far more supportive.

[AmmyOokami]

I've been with mine for a year or so now and my parents dont know about him and at this point none of my friends know that we're still together. I dont know how I will break it to them all, but my best bet is concocting an elaborate story and living with that lie for the rest of our lives OR sending them wedding pics when in happens XD