Found out he's cyber-cheating!

[Ahava]

Hey
I hope the best for you and would like to grant him the benefit of the doubt. Hope he is able to change his ways.
Good luck!

[Malaga]

I hate the watching and checking up on him shit that I have to do.

If you believe he's not doing anything wrong because the profile you're checking is clean, please be aware that he might very well have secret chat profiles and email addresses to talk to other women. How can you be sure he's not using one? You'd be amazed at the elaborate hiding schemes cheaters often go through with.

[Benni]

How can you be sure he's not using one? You'd be amazed at the elaborate hiding schemes cheaters often go through with.

I'm sure because he is computer illiterate -- pretty much. I'm the one that had to set up his blogs and email for him, and his Skype account, as he didn't know how to do it. That's why I have all his passwords.

I leave Skype running in the background and he does, too. I know when he comes online and I can see when he is active on his blogs and they coincide so I know he's not doing this at another site. I don't like being sneaky but until I feel certain that all of the crap has stopped I will continue to do so.

He goes back to work in a month (teacher) and won't have the time or energy to pursue any further activities like that. From the time he gets home from work until he goes to bed, he's in almost constant contact with me and no time for others.
Weekends are filled with yard work, gardening, repairs around his home and the grounds plus hours of talking to me. So, things will be easier on me (playing detective) when he goes back.

[chizatlauren]

I hope you don't get hurt again Benni. I wish I can cut his balls off if he does anything bad to you again. It's okay if you give him another chance, but he shouldn't blow it off again.

It is true though that he might have a secret chat whatever. But if you really trust him with you heart, go on.

[LittleBox]

I really hope he doesn't take you for granted and that everything works out for you, Benni. It must be mentally exhausting keeping tabs on him the way you do and thats no way to have a healthy relationship. Its going to be weighing on your mind constantly if you have to check his every waking move. Just be careful and good luck (:

[Jade_Crystal]

Wow that sounds pretty devastating. I don't have any certain idea how I would react if that was the case... I would most likely be massively angry in the first moments after finding out, certainly, but I would try to blow off as much steam as I could before confronting him. If you would like to sort this out and attempt to save the relationship, you have to stay as calm and as rational as possible throughout the discussion. Attacking him with all you have may feel good on the moment, but I personally think it wouldn't really do the best possible to the situation. If it's the first time that he did this, hearing him out and giving him a second chance is the way to go with a relationship that has this kind of history behind it. Being aggressive will only make him perceive you as the enemy, make him not have as much guilt as he should about what he did etc. Of course at the same time it's important to not pass on the impression that you are indifferent or that you are not as hurt as you actually are, pretending isn't advisable. I suggest that, in the moment you manage to have him in the desired mood and situation during the talk you two will have about this, that you try to understand and find out as much as you can, more of less obviously, about his mentality and thought process about this, so when it happens or has a chance of happening again, you will know the course of action to take to either prevent it or to handle it in the best way possible.

[Benni]

Thank you all for your support. Yes, it can be tiring to check up on him all the time but I'd rather know what is ( or isn't) going on. I have never attacked him. I state my feelings, he states his and we discuss it calmly. All is going good -- so far -- so we'll see how it goes until I get there the end of August and have true face time with him.

[Mairja]

I'm new here, but when I read this thread I just wanted to chime in and wish you the very best of luck. I know only too well what it feels like to have your trust broken.

[Benni]

Thank you, Mairja, and welcome to the forum. Yes, it is a terrible, sinking feeling.