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**loveonspeedial** · October 10, 2010, 11:08 AM

I wanna not freak out about it, cause she's always talking about "our" life together and this and that us and I just dont wanna put all my eggs in one basket.

**loveonspeedial** · October 10, 2010, 11:31 AM

Someone please give me some feedback!!

**Rugger** · October 10, 2010, 11:36 AM

You obviously don't trust her, because if you did, You wouldn't have been snooping. Relationships, especially long distance ones, are based on trust, and without that trust, there is no relationship.

You need to stop violating her trust. It's wrong. I also think you need to tell her about the snooping and what you found. Then you both need to work on building your trust and communication.

**LadyMarchHare** · October 10, 2010, 11:46 AM

While I agree with Rugger about the snooping (I've mentioned before I hate Facebook because it creates this drama) the fact you didn't trust her and needed to make sure she wasn't just being overly friendly probably fueled that. But like Rugger said, again, the trust needs to be worked on ASAP for you guys to last and not have you become 'the crazy ex' or whatnot.

To me, personally, it sounds like she isn't aware she naturally flirts/is too friendly with some people. I had a friend who was that way and every time I pointed it out she got defensive because she believed it was alright to be offered one-shot sex in her workplace's broom closet by a stranger, yet just 'consider' it. Talk with her about how it makes you feel when she does these things, but don't be accusational, don't use "you" statements, use "I" or "me" statements because it's your feelings you want to convey.

But if she can't cut that out for you both or at least tone it down, you may have to face the music of being an ex for your own sanity.

**loveonspeedial** · October 10, 2010, 12:01 PM

I know snooping is wrong. I just have such a hard time trusting people.
My last ex, ended up being a suspect of 3 murders and I spent every day with him and he ended up just being a complete whack job by night normal great person by day.

**Caitlin2009** · October 10, 2010, 01:35 PM

:/ why the hell are you invading her privacy for???? i have the password to Denise's facebook but i dont go on it with asking her first, to me you invading her privacy is completely uncalled for, if you really loved and trusted her you would know your boundries!

**NaNi** · October 10, 2010, 01:40 PM

I don't have my SO's passwords, but even if I would have them and even if she would allow me to read her stuff... I would never do that. I also never went through her cell phone inbox without asking her first. Even though I only looked at the ones I sent to her.

I do understand your worries now though. If it really bothers you you will have to talk to her about it.

**loveonspeedial** · October 10, 2010, 01:43 PM

I know it's wrong guys! I already feel quilty about it!!!!

**michy** · October 10, 2010, 02:21 PM

I would recommend NOT going on to her Facebook again without her knowledge. What she is/isn't saying on Facebook and how you are interpreting it is not the problem- the problem is that you felt the need to check up on her in the first place. When you are feeling the need to check up on her, you are directing your focus into something unhealthy that's only compounding the problem, rather than into something healthy which could help your relationship. Next time you're worried, RE-direct that focus to her instead of to Facebook. Tell her you're worried, let her reassure you. It's what she's there for, and any of us would do the same for our SO's. Taking your fears to her will show her that you love her, but snooping will only show her that you suspect her. I hope this helps.

**LadyMarchHare** · October 10, 2010, 02:41 PM

Originally posted by loveonspeedial View Post

I know it's wrong guys! I already feel quilty about it!!!!

Well not to sound mean, but if you know it's wrong, you need to practice self control and not do it. You can't use the past as an excuse even though she's doing things that seem untrustworthy. As mentioned before, you need to talk to her, not assume the worst instantly and freak and snoop more.

**Caitlin2009** · October 10, 2010, 02:43 PM

Originally posted by LadyMarchHare View Post

Well not to sound mean, but if you know it's wrong, you need to practice self control and not do it. You can't use the past as an excuse even though she's doing things that seem untrustworthy. As mentioned before, you need to talk to her, not assume the worst instantly and freak and snoop more.

mmmhmm amen to that! if you let your past relationships affect this one right now then you wont have a relationship to worry about anymore because you have violated her privacy!!! talk to her about it your just making it worse by snooping

**Moon** · October 10, 2010, 04:09 PM

To be honest here, and I'm usually pretty liberal about such things, but someone being so close to their ex makes me uncomfortable. I don't mean the occasional Hello, or a Facebook friend necessarily, but the cute little pet names and hours long conversations (in general, not this specific post) I've seen people do would make my skin crawl. If your instinct tells you something isn't right, it probably isn't, and I'd address it as soon as possible. IMO, snooping is bad, and while I'd never do it, you should act on this info.

After you have the talk, tell her to change her Facebook password, and to NOT give it to you. You really need to stay outta there

**Rosebud** · October 10, 2010, 04:51 PM

First off, I want to say congrats on your soon to be proposing to her, that's awesome!!

Secondly, I'm not going to yank your chain about this whole 'snooping' thing. Yes, you already know she needs her privacy, but at the same time I think she and you need to come clean to each other about how you view your past relationships. I know I would not be comfortable with a quick, 'Oh, it's nothing, it's just harmless flirting', and it obviously sounds like you don't either. You said you read facebook statuses (which anyone can read, that's not really snooping if it's public to all her friends) and the like so she doesn't sound like she really cares about your feelings on this matter.

What I recommend is finding a quiet time to talk to her about it. And the important thing to remember is NOT to accuse her of anything. If you start off with something like, 'Why do you always mesage him?' that gives her a reason to jump to the defensive. But if you start off more openly, on an even ground such as telling her you want to discuss how it makes YOU feel she may be more willing to listen and open up to you. I think you need to have this concrete talk about what is or isn't appropriate about flirting with other people/exes. And then after you have this talk...leave it alone. I know it's difficult but you relly have to trust her. If she says it's over with these other people, believe her. But I think she needs to respect you as well in knowing it makes you uncomfortable when she uses those kinds of pet names with them and the like.

**mynameiseric** · October 10, 2010, 07:43 PM

Amanda has a good friend, and they talk alllll the time. They used to have feelings for each other, they have a sexual past, and hes a hugeeee flirt so needless to say I dont like him and I am uncomfortable with their relationship. It is very hard, and I used to have major trust issues. Do I trust 100%, no, but Ive learned that thinking and dreading about it 24/7 does nothing but hurt you in the end. Im only worried that she called him babe? That is completely unnacceptable, it sounds like she still has feelings for this guy.

But I wouldn't snoop because that means you have majorrrrr trust issues, but you already know that. just give it time, and learn to trust. But I know how you feel

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A little too friendly with their exes?

A little too friendly with their exes?

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