Deal breakers in your relationship?

[Andy]

Is there anything in your relationship that you would consider to be a deal breaker? Or a relationship breaker I suppose...?

For me I could never be with someone who smoked, that would be 100% non-negotiable with me. I couldn't do it.

I think cheating can be taken as a given for most, I'm not talking about that - it's been pretty well covered on here recently, but like things your SO might or might not do which you simply couldn't live with the consequences of.

I hope I've explained that ok, I'm a bit tired... I'm sure you know what I mean

[LadyMarchHare]

Good thing you aren't dating my SO. I have a sneaking suspicion he's still smoking, but with his job I'm letting it be for now.

Me, I could never be with someone who belittled me. I don't care if it's in jest, you don't tell me I'm a piece of crap. Anyone I suspected being an alky, either. I abhor alcohol and don't like casual drinking as it is with my SO, but getting drunk a bunch and so on is a huge "bye bye" for me. Cheaters too, obviously, someone very ignorant/bigoted to the point I'm embarrassed to be around them... probably others but I can't think of anymore right now.

[Karringtyn]

My children and I are a package deal. They don't need another Father they have a great one already...but the person I am with must love children and realize they come first.

[Andy]

I abhor alcohol and don't like casual drinking as it is with my SO, but getting drunk a bunch and so on is a huge "bye bye" for me.

I have to say I feel the same, and being my age and being British (huge binge drinking culture over here which has died down at least a little recently) it's rare to say the least. I don't know anyone else my age, hell even no-one else who's old enough to drink who doesn't do so (excluding Sam from here ) I don't know why I hate it so much, it's not like I've had any terrible experiences as a result of it growing up. I guess it's the not being in control that I don't like either, that's how Richard Dawkins (I think it was him - beginning to doubt it now...) once put it and I guess I agree with that. But I think the world would be a much better, nicer, safer place than it is if we just got rid of alcohol once and for all.

As soon as all the rioting had stopped of course

I've never drank in my life and I just think it would save so many lives if we didn't have it. No drink drivers. No alcohol abuse. Much less violent crimes. Less relationships breaking up because someone cheated because they were drunk It goes on of course... and anyone who says you can't have a good time sober is talking absolute rubbish frankly.

Yeah, anyway... sounds good to me but maybe that's my logical brain talking

[mllebamako]

I guess it's the not being in control that I don't like

I feel the SAME way! Back in high school and early university, I drank quite a bit but had a few experiences where I was really unhappy because I felt like I couldn't control myself. Now, after living in 2 different Muslim countries and being away from alcohol during those times, I really have no desire to drink.
But being with people my age can be hard especially in such binge-drinking cultures, like Andy said. So yeah, anything over casual/occasional drinking would probably be a deal breaker for me too.

Also, if the person was really close-minded and not willing to try new things, food, cultures, etc: dealbreaker!

(ps. Glad to see other people my age who choose not to drink. A rare breed!)

[Andy]

I feel the SAME way! Back in high school and early university, I drank quite a bit but had a few experiences where I was really unhappy because I felt like I couldn't control myself. Now, after living in 2 different Muslim countries and being away from alcohol during those times, I really have no desire to drink.
But being with people my age can be hard especially in such binge-drinking cultures, like Andy said. So yeah, anything over casual/occasional drinking would probably be a deal breaker for me too.

Also, if the person was really close-minded and not willing to try new things, food, cultures, etc: dealbreaker!

(ps. Glad to see other people my age who choose not to drink. A rare breed!)

Oh this post reminds me of a show called The Strictest Parents in the World or something to that effect!

I only saw a couple of episodes but basically it was a series where a couple of badly behaved teenagers (usually 15-19) would be paired up (with another bad kid from somewhere else in Britain) then sent away to another country with a different culture where they HAD to behave or there would be HELL to pay. I saw one where they were sent to Jamaica, another where they (a different pair of teenagers this time of course) were sent to Ghana, and this one fascinated me.

ALL the kids and teenagers there were teetotal. I don't think any of them believed in sex before marriage either. It was very erm, I don't know what the word is I'm looking for, old-fashioned I suppose.

It was probably too far the other way with how strict they were with themselves, but I wish Britain was more like that, fat chance of that though

It was quite amazing to see all these teenagers being so well-mannered, well-behaved, respectful and polite. A different world to what it's like here. It really changed the attitudes of the British guy who went there (he slept around a bit and didn't have much respect for girls - usually had 2 or 3 on thee go at the same time) but you could see it really affected him and it was quite inspiring to watch

[mllebamako]

I saw a show similar to that and the teenage girl was sent to live with a small tribe in Kenya. I think it really had an effect on her.
I personally enjoyed living in Muslim countries where there isn't that kind of pressure.

It must be hard to be in Britain, I think that you guys have an even more intense drinking culture than we do. I am living in France and there are a lot of British people who have the same job as me in other towns and they are CRAZY about "getting pissed". For me, it was such a turn-off. I don't mind if people have a few drinks, as long as it isn't the main focus of the night. (Side note: I have met some nice Brits who are not crazy binge-drinkers, too)

Sorry Andy, I guess we pulled this off-topic for a minute! But it was interesting

[Caitlin2009]

well cheating a big deal breaker but being a criminal like shop lifter or worse i wouldnt be one of those people who would stay by there SO's if they went to prison

[stacyrose]

My major deal breakers would be smoking for sure. Marijuana, cigs....I don't want to kiss a mouth that has all that shit being inhaled in it. It just grosses me out for sure. Luckily David is the same way so I don't need to worry about that lol

I can't be with someone who abuses me physically. If he ever laid a hand on me like that...I just couldn't tolerate it.

[sam]

Same as you Andy.. surprise surprise..

Smoking (ew)
Might sound stupid, but someone who is really messy I mean, I can deal with abit of mess here and there, but if the whole house was a mess it'd really drive me insane after a while.. then if she didnt clean it up either and left it all for me.. *shakes head*

[Caitlin2009]

a few others: mentally, emotionally, psychically abusive towards me. I dont mind drinking or someone getting drunk once in awhile ive been drunk once, but someone who does it every single day i could not be around them, someone who litterly has there own crack house and are selling drugs defiantly not. If you someone who sits around the house being lazy not wanting to do anything with your day or your life in general. clingyness arrg my ex was like that sometimes, like everybody else i like my space i dont like hanging around someone that is always clinging to me, you need your space sometimes and someone being clingy *shudders* cant stand that

[luna_banana]

Sense of humor is a must!

But deal breakers would be...cheating (obviously), lying, or extreme rudeness/disrespect. He's lied to me before and I didn't break up with him, so I guess it just depends how the particular thing affects me

[paulawriteslove]

Major drugs is a deal breaker for me and so is cheating.

[xMesmerize124]

My major deal breakers in a relationship are one i could never be with someone that smokes (cigarettes, marijuana, etc) AND someone who doesn't have a future plan for themselves. I have personal goals for myself that i check off as the time goes by and if you don't have something like for yourself and has no idea where you're going in life then goodbye.

[Moon]

I would not continue dating someone who constantly trashes their old girlfriends, calling them "crazy", or treats service people (like waitresses, for example) rudely, or says bad things about his mother. Those are all indicators of how he'll treat you later.