Deal breakers in your relationship?

[nicole]

Yeah, but everyone is entitled to one crazy ex I mean if somehow they were ALL crazy! You know those guys, they're the victim to all the crazies, and they tell you their "poor me" stories, all women just abuse him, blah, blah, blah.

heh well my SO has 2 of them, I've had the misfortune to meet one of them and the other was very abusive towards me when she called him/on facebook so I allow him those, because yeah, they ARE CRAZY!!!!!!! but if any more came out of the woodwork then It would probably be a deal-breaker for me.

Other dealbreakers:

-Smoking- I HATE the smell, makes my want to vomit. and I don't get how people can keep it up these days when they KNOW what it does to their bodies. I mean in the UK, all the cigarette packets have a photo of a cancerous lung on the outside- WHY would you continue, just WHY?!

- Doing hard drugs- I lived with a bunch of druggies in freshman year. There is nothing worse then going into the dining room for a snack and there's someone shooting up or doing a line on the kitchen table *shudder* never again.

-Their personality completely changes around certain people- I had an ex who was perfectly lovely when we were alone, then we'd hang out with his friends and he'd turn into one of the "lads" and make sexist jokes at my expense. I HATE that... its just fake.

- Someone who is just mean in general- If Someone who is mean or rude to others you can have the prettiest face in the world, but you are an UGLY person. so unattractive...

[Caitlin2009]

No matter how much I love my SO I don't think I could handle the smoking. I am so dead against it, I just can't at all comprehend kissing someone who smokes. It just disgusts me so much. If my SO picked up smoking then we would have a serious problem! Thankfully she hates it just like I do she tried a cigarette once and never wanted one again! me, I've never tried and never want to
She does however like the odd cigar :P but I might be able to deal with that if it's just a one off ha.

its funny with Denise even after when shes had one she actually doesnt taste like cigarettes when i kiss her, my ex did but not her its weird but hey no complaints here

[Luisina]

- Yeah, smoking's a no-go..
- Drugs, hard partying 24x7 etc. would not work for me either..
I'm all for going out some weekends and having fun... but generally, men lacking the ability to grow up is really a turn-off!
- Personal hygeine needs to be in order (that's a given) but on the other hand, a guy that spends more time in front of the mirror than he does with me, is not really appealing either
- Drastic personality changes. I wouldn't trust a man that might be sweet and caring towards me, but an a**hole to others when we're out.
- Not wanting children - cause I do.
- Overly traditional or overly religious. This may come out the wrong way (and I'm sorry if I'm offending anyone), but I'm simply neither of those things, and even though I know "opposites attract", I'd have a hard time tip toeing around, trying not to offend anyone.. especially around his family.
Plus I wouldn't want my children to be raised in any particular faith etc..

[michy]

all those who say smoking, im not big on it myself Denise smokes but i still love her to peices no matter what(even though as a kid i said i would never fall in love with someone who smokes lol thats kinda funny) if your SO started smoking and you love them very very very much you would break up with them???

I never imagined I'd ever love someone as much as I love my SO... and it would break my heart but yep, if he ever started again I'd absolutely break up with him. Even if it was just one or two, because then I couldn't trust that there wouldn't be more. How much I love him unfortunately wouldn't matter... I guess my particular situation is kinda like Andy's, the effects of it on others has hit me too hard in the past so I could never be happy with someone who smokes.

[Caitlin2009]

I never imagined I'd ever love someone as much as I love my SO... and it would break my heart but yep, if he ever started again I'd absolutely break up with him. Even if it was just one or two, because then I couldn't trust that there wouldn't be more. How much I love him unfortunately wouldn't matter... I guess my particular situation is kinda like Andy's, the effects of it on others has hit me too hard in the past so I could never be happy with someone who smokes.

i understand that, Denise's brother died of cancer im not sure if it was from smoking or what but i do try to tell her my feelings on it, i dont bring it up often because she gets rather testy about it when i do, but i know in my heart she wont ever fully stop smoking, she might kinda cut down a little but i know she wont fully quit and thats ok with me, i dont like that she does but to a certain extent it doesnt bother me, its part of who she is and when she wants to quit she will when she's ready, all i can do is give her my feelings on it from time to time

[mynameiseric]

smoking is a hugeeee one for me....umm lieing is also a big one for me, I can't do the whole lieing every 2 seconds thing. not trying to get to know my parents, dresses uber skanky, in the bedroom is one thing, but if you look like I just picked you up from the corner, not workin for me lol lucky for me, Amanda has nothing to worry about

[NikkiP]

Yeah, my dad went on permanent social security disability when he was 45 from smoking / his emphysema and my grandmother passed away my senior year after suffering in and out of the hospital for 6 years... NO SMOKING HERE. I would definitely give someone the chance to quit but if they couldn't do that for me, I would definitely be gone! Don't know that I would have given Ryan the time of day honestly had he not previously quit! Yuuuucky!

Oh! That and physical abuse. I've seen way too much of it and I will not stand for it. I've broken up with someone for grabbing my wrists in an argument before. No thanks!

[Zephii]

Dishonesty, because I simply can't handle that.
Smoking, especially if they had no intent to give up. Drugs are in there too, excessive consumption of alcohol. ("excessive" to me is like more than three standard drinks in a normal week. So, "regular" consumption I guess lol) All this to me falls under "Inability to look after oneself", I quickly learnt that I don't want a man who can't or wont take proper care for himself. Excessive weight gain is also in there for that reason.
Not wanting children is also a deal breaker for me, as would be joining the military. I respect people who do, don't get me wrong, but I wouldn't be in a relationship with that person.
I also will not date a Christian (or people of other Abrahamic faiths). Again, no offense intended. I love all my Christian friends, I just don't want my children raised with a lot of those values.
And they need good personal hygiene!

I sound like a horribly picky person now

[LadyMarchHare]

i understand that, Denise's brother died of cancer im not sure if it was from smoking or what but i do try to tell her my feelings on it, i dont bring it up often because she gets rather testy about it when i do, but i know in my heart she wont ever fully stop smoking, she might kinda cut down a little but i know she wont fully quit and thats ok with me, i dont like that she does but to a certain extent it doesnt bother me, its part of who she is and when she wants to quit she will when she's ready, all i can do is give her my feelings on it from time to time

I feel the same way with my SO about his smoking. I can't be around them for health reasons but I know you can't ever MAKE someone quit. I've told him why I want him to quit, I don't know if he has, but we'll see. Sometimes you kinda have to compromise on your likes for theirs even if it's dangerous for their health like that.

[willieboy]

My ex is an extremely jealous and possessive person. She drove me guano crazy with her constant accusations and interrogations. Every female acquaintance was either the target of my affections, or I was the target of hers. So I will not tolerate jealousy and possessiveness beyond a healthy degree of strong attachment in my relationship.

[LadyMarchHare]

My ex is an extremely jealous and possessive person. She drove me guano crazy with her constant accusations and interrogations. Every female acquaintance was either the target of my affections, or I was the target of hers. So I will not tolerate jealousy and possessiveness beyond a healthy degree of strong attachment in my relationship.

I agree with this 100%. I really can't stand people who are so paranoid that they shatter their own relationships thinking it's the other person screwing up and not them.

[Andy]

Dogs would be another one for me, I couldn't be with someone who didn't like dogs. I think I'd always want to have a dog, they're the best

[michy]

Yeah, my dad went on permanent social security disability when he was 45 from smoking / his emphysema and my grandmother passed away my senior year after suffering in and out of the hospital for 6 years... NO SMOKING HERE. I would definitely give someone the chance to quit but if they couldn't do that for me, I would definitely be gone! Don't know that I would have given Ryan the time of day honestly had he not previously quit! Yuuuucky!

Sorry to hear that Nikki

Another deal-breaker for me: I'll never be anyone's "everything". That's not healthy, and it also puts way too much strain on a relationship. I've been with guys in the past who would focus on me 100% and not on themselves, and the expectation was that we'd spend literally ALL our free time together. A guy has got to understand that quality time spent apart is just as important as time spent together. You've got to take care of yourself and have balance in your own life first, before you're ready to successfully share that life with another!

Of course in an LDR, the time spent apart is involuntary, but my SO and I are in agreement with this one for after we close the distance- we've both felt very suffocated by past SO's and won't let it happen again.

[Moon]

Oh, wow, I guess I forgot a few I'm an atheist, so anyone with any strong religious convictions wouldn't work, except maybe a Buddhist. Anyone who dislikes animals, especially dogs. And I could never be with anyone who is the possessive/jealous type, that happened once, and I'll never allow it to happen again.

[Tanja]

My children and I are a package deal. They don't need another Father they have a great one already...but the person I am with must love children and realize they come first.

The same... you get 2 for the price of 1 so to say (woot, finally a chance to quote an ABBA song!)

My daughter is the most important and always will be... if you can't handle it then it's bye bye. Luckily Andy knows all this and (as far as I know) is happy living with us both

I want more kids too so that could be it for me if Andy didn't want any... He's kinda unsure atm but I'm working my magic with him, slowly but steady