Deal breakers in your relationship?

[MoonWatcher]

I agree with you Moon, 100%.

I would say the biggest deal breaker for me is pretty specific. One of them is arrogance. I cannot STAND arrogant people. So much so, I physically have to leave the room they are in if they just keep going on about themselves, how they did this or that better then so and so, etc. I'm also really good at picking up subtle hints of that, which has saved me from probably more than a few fights in my time.

The most important one is men (and sometimes women) who have this traditionalist view of men being head over women. It's more commonly found in religious circles, but it's evident elsewhere in our culture and still so in my own generation. I guess you could say I'm borderline feminist, but logically, there is no reason why a man is in any way more of the decision-maker or the responsible one out of the man or woman. There's also no reason why the man should "take the blame". I think it's degrading in every way for women, and also unnecessary pressure our guys put on themselves to be the provider. Not just in jobs, but in relationships and children and everything. In my mind there is no lead and follow. It should be equal. Like a pair of shoes! I've been in that kind of relationship before. Never. Ever. Again.

[Karringtyn]

I would not continue dating someone who constantly trashes their old girlfriends, calling them "crazy", or treats service people (like waitresses, for example) rudely, or says bad things about his mother. Those are all indicators of how he'll treat you later.

Hear hear to all you said.

If you want an indication of how someone will treat you....see how they are to servers...I can tell you each day I am blown away by certain people!

[michy]

I have to say I feel the same, and being my age and being British (huge binge drinking culture over here which has died down at least a little recently) it's rare to say the least. I don't know anyone else my age, hell even no-one else who's old enough to drink who doesn't do so (excluding Sam from here )

My SO is the same... so there are at least three of you in the UK who can think of something better to do on a Friday night than drink!! It's much the same here though (or maybe it's just the crowd I hang out with ), my old job was lots of youngish folks and they thought I was WEIRD for not going out with them 3x a week! No thanks!

Back to the topic... I'll echo a few others and say I definitely can't be with someone who goes out & gets drunk every week... nor will I date anyone who smokes, or does drugs.
I also can't be with someone who doesn't have a sense of adventure. I like to get lost in the great wide nowhere, and I have mountains to climb, and places to see... and I want to be with someone with whom I can share those adventures.

Also, well... I'm basically an 8-year old in an adult's body, LOL. I can't walk past a playground (especially swings!) without stopping to play, I eat cake for breakfast, and I go out to catch fireflies all by myself in the summer (OK, sometimes I let the kids join in LOL).... and that's the sort of thing that a guy either appreciates, or it drives him nuts that I won't grow up. He would have to appreciate that, or else it would be a deal-breaker as we'd only become frustrated with each other.

[Elissa]

Cheating, lying, racism, smoking, abuse, wanting to come before the kids.

[H87]

I'm going sound really picky but just from past experiences I've learned what I can't handle and what I refuse to handle.

Someone who parties (constantly going to clubs and getting drunk), someone who does illegal drugs, someone who is abusive (emotional, mental, verbal, physical, all of it), someone who doesn't take responsibilities, and finally (I think) I could never be with someone who was a bum and didn't do anything all day. I don't put up with cheating but its something that I believe can be working through unless they refuse to stop.

[LadyMarchHare]

I would not continue dating someone who constantly trashes their old girlfriends, calling them "crazy", or treats service people (like waitresses, for example) rudely, or says bad things about his mother. Those are all indicators of how he'll treat you later.

Welp, I'm in trouble. He's called one ex crazy (she was, she wanted him to kill her) and he hates his mom, though I think he's badmouthed her only a handful of times. That is good advice, though, watching how they treat certain people and how they talk about others to see what they just might do to you.

[Laura024]

Cheating, lying, and abuse are not okay. I hate laziness and wastefulness when things need to get done. Maturity and ambition are imperative.
I can't stand smoking. My SO ended up quitting after he found out I hate it. Excessive alcohol drinking is a deal breaker, as well as drug use.

Also, he needs to have a good sense of humor and be silly. There's nothing I get excited about more than going to the lake to feed the ducks. And well, he needs to love me for who I am.

[Dauntedpoet]

LYING as it covers a multitude of sins including cheating. Illegal drugs, or abuse of legal drugs. Not understanding my children come first.

[NaNi]

Taking regular showers is a must! I hate it when somebody smells bad or has greasy hair. Ew.

[elina]

Might sound stupid, but someone who is really messy I mean, I can deal with abit of mess here and there, but if the whole house was a mess it'd really drive me insane after a while.. then if she didnt clean it up either and left it all for me.. *shakes head*

Good thing I'm with you on that one

Hmm.. abusing (either physically or mentally), smoking, taking drugs and drinking (heavy..ish kind.. well doesn't really have to be that heavy either.. my ex drank and sometimes got drunk around me and it was one of the reasons I ended it with him, I couldn't stand it ) are ones for me. Well there are a bunch of other.. fairly obvious things too like cheating and lying Kinda glad he does none of that I'd also like him to take care of his hygiene which he does and it's goooood

[Moon]

Welp, I'm in trouble. He's called one ex crazy (she was, she wanted him to kill her) and he hates his mom, though I think he's badmouthed her only a handful of times. That is good advice, though, watching how they treat certain people and how they talk about others to see what they just might do to you.

Yeah, but everyone is entitled to one crazy ex I mean if somehow they were ALL crazy! You know those guys, they're the victim to all the crazies, and they tell you their "poor me" stories, all women just abuse him, blah, blah, blah.

[Caitlin2009]

all those who say smoking, im not big on it myself Denise smokes but i still love her to peices no matter what(even though as a kid i said i would never fall in love with someone who smokes lol thats kinda funny) if your SO started smoking and you love them very very very much you would break up with them???

[Andy]

Same as you Andy.. surprise surprise..

Smoking (ew)
Might sound stupid, but someone who is really messy I mean, I can deal with abit of mess here and there, but if the whole house was a mess it'd really drive me insane after a while.. then if she didnt clean it up either and left it all for me.. *shakes head*

Yeah I'm the same... I'm a clean and tidy person and the past 3.5 weeks pushed me close to my limit I'd say...

Although I think it's more laziness I can't stand. Just leaving rubbish all over the house because you can't be bothered to put it in the bin... erm no. Put it in the bin. Don't just leave it there. What are you thinking? Also leaving empty toilet rolls on the holder - there's a new roll right under it - put it on if you finished the last one! I don't get things like that at all. My brother will go to the effort of leaving one piece of paper on just so he doesn't have to change it, why?!

Plus I'm the sort of person where if something needs doing around the house, I'll just do it. Rather than wait for someone else to do it. Emptying the bins or hoovering. It's a house, not a hotel. You live in it too so help out!

Ok I'm done with my little cleanliness rant now

Hear hear to all you said.

If you want an indication of how someone will treat you....see how they are to servers...I can tell you each day I am blown away by certain people!

That is SO true! Cleaning staff also.

all those who say smoking, im not big on it myself Denise smokes but i still love her to peices no matter what(even though as a kid i said i would never fall in love with someone who smokes lol thats kinda funny) if your SO started smoking and you love them very very very much you would break up with them???

I think I probably would. She knows how dead against it I am so she'd know full well how it would make me feel if she started up again, so yeah, I would break up over that. My Nana, who I was very close to, died of cancer back in 2001 and it hit me so hard, it took me well over a year, if not a lot more to come to terms with her death. I just could not ever be with someone who smoked.

My SO is the same... so there are at least three of you in the UK who can think of something better to do on a Friday night than drink!! It's much the same here though (or maybe it's just the crowd I hang out with ), my old job was lots of youngish folks and they thought I was WEIRD for not going out with them 3x a week! No thanks!

Also, well... I'm basically an 8-year old in an adult's body, LOL. I can't walk past a playground (especially swings!) without stopping to play, I eat cake for breakfast, and I go out to catch fireflies all by myself in the summer (OK, sometimes I let the kids join in LOL).... and that's the sort of thing that a guy either appreciates, or it drives him nuts that I won't grow up. He would have to appreciate that, or else it would be a deal-breaker as we'd only become frustrated with each other.

Haha! 3 of us now, wow!

I lovee the childishness thing btw, I never want to grow up either

[LadyMarchHare]

Yeah, but everyone is entitled to one crazy ex I mean if somehow they were ALL crazy! You know those guys, they're the victim to all the crazies, and they tell you their "poor me" stories, all women just abuse him, blah, blah, blah.

Oh I know of a couple more, but none of them beat her. But yeah I know what you mean, kinda makes you wonder what he'll do to make you one too if you ever break up.

[BoogleBee]

all those who say smoking, im not big on it myself Denise smokes but i still love her to peices no matter what(even though as a kid i said i would never fall in love with someone who smokes lol thats kinda funny) if your SO started smoking and you love them very very very much you would break up with them???

No matter how much I love my SO I don't think I could handle the smoking. I am so dead against it, I just can't at all comprehend kissing someone who smokes. It just disgusts me so much. If my SO picked up smoking then we would have a serious problem! Thankfully she hates it just like I do she tried a cigarette once and never wanted one again! me, I've never tried and never want to
She does however like the odd cigar :P but I might be able to deal with that if it's just a one off ha.