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    #1

    Ex's

    My SO has an ex gf that lives in the same state/town that he does. To say the least, they had a bad relationship/terrible breakup, so he wants nothing to do with her. She has sent him multiple friend requests on Myspace and he denies them. Then she sends him messages and he either ignores them or replies and tells her he wants nothing to do with her, so please leave him alone. Now, she's found him on Facebook and so far, she's sent him about 4 friend requests and he's denied them all. Well the other day, she sent him another one but he hasn't responded yet. Anyways, even though I know in my heart, he'd never go back to her, I still have insecurities about it because they were each other's first loves and supposedly you never fully get over your first love, no matter how good or bad it was, they also lost their virginities together, and a few other things I can't get into. Plus she's right there with him in the same town and I'm many, many states away. So I'm wondering, do you guys have insecurities about your SO's ex and how do you handle them?

    Thanks for reading
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    #2
    He needs to take advantage of the block feature.

    Not really, nope. I'm pretty damn confident.
    I don't agree with the "you never get over your first love" thing at all.
    Happily married to the little Canadian boy I never thought I'd meet in person

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      #3
      You have to trust him, know that he is with you now and not her. It's something you need adjust to as much as you can. If he is giving you no reason to doubt his loyalty to you, then you need to find that same trust and strength in yourself to calm the insecurity.

      EDIT and I agree with Zephii, on first love. People do get over it good or bad. Mine was bad and toxic and I'm glad he dumped me.

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        #4
        Originally posted by Zephii View Post
        He needs to take advantage of the block feature.

        Not really, nope. I'm pretty damn confident.
        I don't agree with the "you never get over your first love" thing at all.
        Lol I've told him to exercise that button but he just puts it off and says he'll get around to it.
        Really? I didn't agree with it either but anybody I've ever talked about it with seems to think it's true, so I'm relieved for FINALLY finding someone who feels the same way!

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          #5
          Originally posted by Čternity View Post
          You have to trust him, know that he is with you now and not her. It's something you need adjust to as much as you can. If he is giving you no reason to doubt his loyalty to you, then you need to find that same trust and strength in yourself to calm the insecurity.
          Yeah I agree. It's something I'm working on so it's def a work in progress

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            #6
            I don't have any problems with his ex, because she just got engaged XD I think he might have a few insecurities about my ex, since we lived together for two and a half years, but he moved to another province and we haven't had any contact for almost 5 months now. I've done my best to convince him that there will never be anything between us again. :P

            I do believe you never get over your first love, but I also believe that you can move on and just live with it. I know I did.

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              #7
              My only problem with my SO's ex is that she wouldn't greet me back when I greeted her multiple times (that's a major diss in West Africa )
              Oh and that time she tried to use voodoo against us...not so cool either. For reals.

              I don't hate her and I'm not worried about her. But I can't say she doesn't feel the same about me.
              I just wish she could have been civilized and said hello back to me.

              As for your situation...I agree with Zephii, he needs to use that block feature.

              And I also don't believe that first love/virginity thing. I obviously won't forget it...but I am so. over. it.

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                #8
                well most of her ex's were all assholes who were abusive, she has never stayed in contact with any of them wants nothing to do with them so im not worried! She only has one ex that treated her really good, wont get into details with that but they did love each other and they are friends but very rarely ever talk, and he's a nice guy but i do get insecure about it cause ya know they had a past even though it was a good one i still get very insecure about it but nothing major


                I don't agree with the "you never get over your first love" thing at all.
                pfffft i used to believe that, after all that happened i dont have love for him at all.....im on my way to kinda forgiving him but theres no love, and there hasent been for awhile.

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                  #9
                  I'm not worried about his exs at all..but I think he might be slightly about mine.

                  Comment

                    #10
                    Originally posted by mllebamako View Post
                    My only problem with my SO's ex is that she wouldn't greet me back when I greeted her multiple times (that's a major diss in West Africa )
                    Oh and that time she tried to use voodoo against us...not so cool either. For reals.

                    I don't hate her and I'm not worried about her. But I can't say she doesn't feel the same about me.
                    I just wish she could have been civilized and said hello back to me.

                    As for your situation...I agree with Zephii, he needs to use that block feature.

                    And I also don't believe that first love/virginity thing. I obviously won't forget it...but I am so. over. it.
                    I obviously won't forget it...but I am so. over. it. Idk why that part cracked me up so much but it did!

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                      #11
                      My SO has problems with my ex. This is a guy I dated when I was 15 for 4 months (nearly 6 years ago!!) before I dumped him. Who I didn't even kiss for 2 months and then I never did anything more with him. No groping, no sexual anything, not even tongue kissing. And yet my SO is incredibly jealous of him.
                      We stayed friends, but not good ones. Just like aquaintances who caught up a couple of times a year since we were always more friends that anything else and I never should have gone out with him in the first place.
                      Lately we just haven't spoken at all, like in a long time, months!
                      And my SO is still incredibly jealous. Because he was my first kiss, and that is supposed to be special etc (which it wasn't for me)
                      My relationship with my SO is my first serious relationship. I love her with all my heart. She says that I'm pretty much incredibly totally gay :P and yet she is jealous of my high school 4 month relationship with this guy.
                      So if anyone does have good advice in response to the OP's question I might just take a look too, or make my own thread.

                      But yeah obviously your SO has ignored her attempts and thats all that can really be done. He is doing what he can to distance himself from her, to try get her to back off so I guess all you can hope is that she will eventually get tired of it and stop. Hopefully. But yes definitely take advantage of the block feature.

                      I believe you move on from your first love, first bf/gf or whatever (if you are no longer with them now). It's what is happening now in the present that matters.
                      Last edited by BoogleBee; November 11, 2010, 05:55 PM.

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                        #12
                        Thanks for the feedback guys, I really appreciate it!

                        Comment

                          #13
                          I don't worry about Penn's ex, because they were over for almost 5 years before we got together. As for the men in my past, he just doesn't want to hear about it, which is cool because I don't talk about it.

                          I also don't agree with the "you don't get over your first love/first time" nonsense. I barely think about the guy who I lost my virginity to, and every time my first boyfriend sends me a message, I'm just like "oh lord what do you want now?"

                          It takes time though, that much I will grant, and people don't recover equally. While I'm thoroughly over my first boyfriend, I know he's still attached to me. So your SO may be completely over her, but she may not be ready to cut that connection yet.

                          Myspace and Facebook both have "block" features, which will prevent her from searching for him, let alone adding him as a friend. He needs to restrict his privacy settings and take advantage of blocking. While it may be a pain, it's less annoying than rejecting friend requests every few weeks.

                          If you look for it, I've got a sneaking suspicion...love actually is all around

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                            #14
                            My BF is friends with all his exes. AND those who he did not date but who were his friends with benefits. He is friends with all of them. WEll i DO FEEL insecure about it always and that is one of the reasons we argue

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                              #15
                              Originally posted by tissa View Post
                              My BF is friends with all his exes. AND those who he did not date but who were his friends with benefits. He is friends with all of them. WEll i DO FEEL insecure about it always and that is one of the reasons we argue
                              What does your SO say about your insecurities?

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