His status said he was in Dubai?!?!?

[Gurl]

Hey Ya'll

The situation I am about to vent over doesn't really deserve the mild aggrivation I've felt over it all day, but I feel what I feel. Bare with me, this will be a bit longer than my other posts lately.

Wednesday, I am on facebook and see billy's nephew's status is telling a memory of Billy's half brother. I go to the nephew's page to see if I can find out what's up, and sure enough, there's an earlier status saying the half brother had passed earlier that day. The half brother didn't take care of himself at all, but this is still a bit of a shock.

I replied to the nephews status with my condolences and left Billy a short IM doing the same and saying I would be around for him. So I watch him being online for several hours on Thursday, yet don't hear anything. I finally IM'd him to see how he was and so forth. We talked for a while. I asked if sending something to his mom's address would be appropriate and he said it should be okay. I also told him if he or his family needed anything, I would be here for them.

Fast forward to about 12 noon today (Friday). I get a text from Facebook that Billy's changed his status to something about being in Dubai then being on a plane to Atlanta... I was like WTF?!?!? Dubai is a stop on the way back to the states, yet I had no clue he even planned on coming back...I am glad he is but it would have been nice to know something! He and his half brother didn't get along well, but I know he needs to come home to say his good-byes.

What is bugging me right now is a long list of crap I DON"T KNOW. Like when he will land in NC, how long will he be staying, does he even plan to visit with me (assuming he's here for more than a day). I mean, I feel like I should know some of this. I realize that when one is grieving, they don't always think of everything. But if he could take the time to update his facebook he could have taken two minutes to send me an IM or an email.

I really hope he's here long enough for us to visit. Unless he flies out right after the memorial service...naw, let's be reasonable. If he's here for more than a day after the service and doesn't contact me and make the effort to see me, I am done. I am about 75% certain he will get in touch. 50% certain we will try to get together to visit for a bit. What sucks is that I am not sure enough of HIM to believe 100% these things will happen, unless his time off work is so short he does have to leave right away (and that's totally possible with the company he works for plus the flight times back and forth).

I love that man to distraction, but things have got to change if he wants to be with me. If he makes the effort to see me while he's here, then I will give it a few weeks and we will have a nice long talk. If he doesn't, then we will have the you treat me like a friend so that's what we will be kind of talk.

Please keep him and his family in your thoughts and prayers. And, if you have a lil extra, send some good vibes for us getting things settled in a few weeks...after he's had some time to grieve, etc.

Thanks for reading this long winded ramble of a vent. I don't feel much better, but I do feel now that I am not over reacting. Which is pretty nice.

[DropkickDisco]

I don't think you're overreacting at ALL.

I don't really know what to say or what advice to give, because I've never been in a situation even remotely close to this before.

What I CAN say is that you have the right to be angry/upset. I would be too. I hope everything works out, dear.
My condolences go out to your SO's family.

[squiddie]

He may not have had a chance to say anything to you if he just found out. He was probably more focused on getting on the first flight home. Yes, he and his half-brother weren't close, but family is family, and he probably has had almost no time to think.

I would let this go, and leave a message for him at his home, I'm sure a parent will pass it on to him. He may not have long enough of a leave to be able to see you, probably only a day or two. I know it hurts, but his family is likely the first thing on his mind right now.

[Gurl]

Thanks DKD, It means a lot.

[Èternity]

I think you are handling this very well. I'd be super pissed off. Can you talk to him before he arrives to clarify what his plans are? It's a very sad reason to come home but seems odd he wouldn't mention it to you.

[Michelle]

I would be upset too, Gurl. If he had time to update his status on FACEBOOK he should have had time enough to tell you and talk about it with you. Just because you lose someone doesn't mean you have the right to disrespect everyone else.

[Rach321]

I would be really upset as well. For me, how you're handling it is not an overreaction. I mean, I could understand if he didn't have time to tell you he's coming home, but he needs to make an effort to see you or at least explain to you why he can't. Otherwise, you're right- he's treating you like a friend and not a partner.

I really hope you hear from him soon. His family is in my thoughts!

[Gurl]

Hi Squddie,

I appreciate you took the time to reply but I think you missed something important. He had time to update his facebook status while in Dubai but no time to mail me or IM me. That's what set me off. I'd rather him have just shown up, or even to have worried when I didn't see him online like I am accustomed to. And now to address this part of your reply.

He may not have had a chance to say anything to you if he just found out. He was probably more focused on getting on the first flight home. Yes, he and his half-brother weren't close, but family is family, and he probably has had almost no time to think.

Not sure if I have you mistaken with someone else, so a tiny back story here. Billy's been gone over a year. From the time we met until the day he left, his family gave him HELL. If not for me and then this job coming up right when it did, this world very likely would have lost a wonderful soul. If I am not family to him after over a year and a half, then he will never hold me in the esteme I feel I deserve.

I would let this go, and leave a message for him at his home, I'm sure a parent will pass it on to him. He may not have long enough of a leave to be able to see you, probably only a day or two. I know it hurts, but his family is likely the first thing on his mind right now.

Depending on his actions and how long he is here, my reaction will be justified. I can gaurentee the odds of a message getting passed on are slim to none. And considering a one way flight is 17 hours give or take...I would put money on him having at least 3 days leave, probably more. Unless the company he works for is stupider than I believe...which is possible. He can make an hour to see me, even if we have to meet half way between his hometown and mine. I am not unreasonable, but I do expect to be a priority in his life or I can't keep doing this. I love him to no end, But I do deserve certain things and will not compromise on them ever again. He would understand that, even if it means we can't be together. He's that friggen awesome.

Thanks again for replying. I do appreciate your thoughts. It's always good to know if you didn't explain something well enough and to see other sides to things.

[squiddie]

Sorry. I wasn't aware of the situation with his family. I do suppose he had time to let you know, but I know from personal experience that when someone close to you dies, even if the relationship isn't good, your brain doesn't always fire on all cylinders, so to speak.

It's possible that by saying he was in Dubai and on his way home, he was trying to cover all his bases, including you. He may have a lot of people trying to find out where he is, and instead of addressing it one by one, as insensitive as it is, he might just be too exhausted to try and will take care of it when he's stateside.

I can understand your reaction, and I'd be upset too, which is why again, I'd suggest just leaving him a message. If he's able to get back to you (and with coming to and from the middle east, he might be so tired he just sleeps the whole time), then power to him. But believe me, I've been where he is, and I can understand why he's acted the way he did, even though it's not right.

[Gurl]

Rach, Michelle, Eternity

Thank you ladies. I keep hoping he had in mind to surprise me or something. He usually does have good intentions, even if they do work out messed up from time to time. Thanks for your support, and the well wishes for his family. I so need to be getting myself looking decent in case he gets in early enough to show up here before the memorial...I look like hell LOL

I don't know when he lands in atlanta and I am half scared I ignored calls from him (came through as unknown). If that's the case, I will feel a bit sheepish for sure. Only time will tell how this will end up....but I have faith I've not spent the last year waiting for nothing. He HAS shown me in many ways that I Am important to him... If things go well over the next few days,in a week or two we will have to work out a way for that showing each other the important things to be more consistant that it has been.

[agentholli]

I would be upset too, Gurl. If he had time to update his status on FACEBOOK he should have had time enough to tell you and talk about it with you. Just because you lose someone doesn't mean you have the right to disrespect everyone else.

Totally agree. I would be super pissed off!!!

[Gurl]

There's no need for appolgy. I just hope I wasn't too harsh when I replied, I am Very upset and worried this could be where I see I need to walk away.

There was an incident earlier this year where he was planning to use his vacation to go somewhere that wasn't back here. I understand why, but it still hurt the way I found out etc. He also knows that I NEED to see him. I've told him several times this is getting too hard...not having seen him in over a year is killing me. I sometimes wonder if what I remember is real or if I made it seem better than it was....

If nothing else, I think I still have his mom's number and will call late tomorrow evening if I haven't heard from him. But, for my sake, I hope it doesn't come to that. I don't think that would be very good for us, as it will have me feeling like I don't matter enough for him to take five minutes to let me know how he is etc. Irrational or not, it is what it is, so imma let it be what it be.

[mllebamako]

Gurl, I am sorry to hear about all this happening. And I really hope things work out.

You have the right to feel what you are feeling and it is obvious that many other people would feel the same way, including me.

*sending hugs*

[Bluestars]

I will keep my fingers crossed for you! I hope that everything works out I know that you have been very strong for the situation that you are in, and I agree that he should make time for you because you deserve it

[garnet]

I think your feelings are perfectly understandable, and justified. You've really been though a lot, and I hope you see the results in the end that you're hoping for. I will keep my crossables crossed that you will be seeing him soon.