Bloody Facebook x 1000!

[Lunar Snow]

I will preface this by saying that my guy did involve me today with planning for his composition recital and got my opinion on his poster (I helped with the design last time and he got lots of compliments). I also was away later today at Harry Potter (yay!) and then had this huge fight with my Dad this evening (boo!), so I missed out talking to my SO tonight (and it is possible he could be a little annoyed).

I just did a quick sign in to Facebook and was checking out birthdays and events and noticed that his composition recital was finally posted. (Well, he had made the page long ago and only had G added while it was under construction, since she is one of the performers...which I am only finding out now, by the way. Pluey, I'm trying not to take that too much to heart, though. ...but I am kind of curious about the clarinet player he keeps singing praises for playing several songs and a solo about being nude. Pah! Okay, I will fend off the green-eyed monster because what follows is what is more distressing to me). I went there and looked and it seems that he has remembered to invite everyone on his friends list, but for me! He even invited some of my friends he met, so it seems like maybe he just did a mass invite without thinking too much about it (which is understandable)...but then why am I the only one missing? I thought it was so silly that I was looked over and that I must have missed something, so I was a bit pathetic and did a double check of my email, the invitations page, and his event page to see if I had been invited and just not noticed...but nothing! Okay, it's likely I can't make it (December 7--so, I don't have the funds, could miss out on work, and it would be rather short notice to be planning to attend), but he and I have had numerous conversations and are in agreement about sending nods to international friends and family with invites to events...so, he knew that it would make me feel special (even if I feel badly about not being able to go). Also, now that I realize it, I am hurt because I had talked to him about maybe seeing if there was some way that I could watch the recital with Skype or something which he thought was a genius idea...so, in a way, I would need an invitation, right?

There could be a simple explanation to this (like he wants to send me a poster as a hand invitation...which would be kind of weird, but not out of the question) or a fantastical explanation like he has arranged for me to fly there for it (that would be cool, but a pretty hefty gift to match in any way...and also kind of frustrating that he didn't consult me).


Anyone have any insights or soothing thoughts...(or the final Harry Potter movie! Man, was that a tease!)?

(As an aside, I really hope that lots of people do come and I worry a bit that he might not get the attendance he wants and deserves. Yes, there are finals that time of year, but many people do their recitals in the spring...so...it isn't like they are asked to be going to thousands of different recitals on the same day. I guess it's out of my control, but this is the capstone event of his degree and I really wish for a good-sized, receptive audience!)

[nicole]

I must say that is very odd, if he invited EVERYONE and not you, which must mean he actually physically unticked you, however- might it be because he might have just assumed you would already have penned that date down, as you know it's important to him, and wouldn't need facebook to remind you of it? or he wants to ask you in person is also a plausible reason.

Either way, there's no point assuming bad things yet,as you haven't talked to him. I would just casually ask him about it next time you talk with him to get the lowdown

[LadyMarchHare]

I agree with nicole, there could be a reasoning behind it that's not the 'end of the world' reason you're jumping to. Yeah it does seem odd, but hey you can always ask since it's not like the thing was hidden away on the corner of the internet. Just remember that it IS the internet and it is Facebook, so don't take it to heart as both can start fires, so to speak.

[lucybelle]

I always try my hardest to not make any judgments based on facebook. Don't get angry, just ask him! Even when people make snide comments to me, I don't take offense to them... it's FACEBOOK. Facebook will not control my life. The end. If I have a problem of what someone said to me on facebook, I'll call them and ask them. It's almost always a "lost in translation" type of thing.

[Bluestars]

You should definitely just ask him about it. He should have nothing to hide. My guess is that he didn't give you an invite because he knew you couldn't come so he didn't want to hurt your feelings by reminding you of it.

[sabby64]

:P Hmm, I know my SO wouldn't think twice about unchecking my name if he thought I wasn't going to be able to come, because he just doesn't think things through to the extent that we girls would. He wouldn't have any clue that I might take it as an insult or an attack. Some guys are just like that... Hopefully that's all it is, though.

[Lunar Snow]

Hey, thanks for the comments and thinking of other reasons. It is true that it was everyone and that he must have decided to untick me. I know it shouldn't be a big deal, because it is Facebook...but, Facebook has had many negative misunderstandings or interactions for us (I have already gone through those)...but is also, I think, a platform for he and I to include and acknowledge each other in our regular lives (big events)--it is a way of saying to our friends that we are acknowledging we have a partner and wish they were there (it's not the only way, of course, but small things feel good sometimes). I guess, too, when I did some thinking about why I might be sensitive to this so much, I seem to remember something happening with his piano recital invitations this past spring (though, I think he had just done a mass invite and invited me as a second run, but it was more an issue about someone who was trying to cause serious trouble in our relationship being invited in the first round selection--but, yes, that squabble should be in the past and I don't think either of us want to be reminded of that person). Also, I have never said I couldn't go--it's unlikely, but he didn't have a particular reason to go in and not invite me. He invited one of my best friends, who has vertigo and can barely travel to the next town for a doctor's appointment, let alone go on a plane...so the mass invite/ lazy thing seems very plausible, but the effort to go in and not invite me doesn't fit. Ah, it's sunny out, though, and I am going to lose points on our fitness challenge if I don't fit three walks in before Tuesday!

You're all right, though--I will talk to him about it casually.

[agentholli]

ill just say my two cents here...i agree with Nicole. He probably knew you couldn't make it, and he knew you knew the date of it..so he figured he didn't need to add you to it. But I also need to say that I would be freaking out..lol I tend to freak out a lot before its necessary. as much as I want my bf to have a facebook account...I am glad he doesn't

I hope that you can talk to him soon and work it out.

[Lunar Snow]

ill just say my two cents here...i agree with Nicole. He probably knew you couldn't make it, and he knew you knew the date of it..so he figured he didn't need to add you to it. But I also need to say that I would be freaking out..lol I tend to freak out a lot before its necessary. as much as I want my bf to have a facebook account...I am glad he doesn't

I hope that you can talk to him soon and work it out.

Hi! Yes, that could be the case. I am glad, though, that you added that you have felt the same way as me sometimes--it calms me down to know that others identify with me.

[Lunar Snow]

I just wanted to follow this thread to its conclusion, as I have been bad about not responding to my threads lately as much as I should.

I did bring it up with him using a bit of humour and he seemed really flummoxed that I wasn't invited. He's not really sure what happened, but thinks that he might have double clicked me by accident and has since sent me an invitation. I'm sure he was telling the truth, but because I was in a bit of a sour mood over it, I didn't quite believe him and it seemed like a bit of an act. Looking at it a day later, I am still peeved (just the nature of my temperament when I am grumpy sometimes), but see that what happened is plausible and have also heard that he might be working on a link to stream the concert instead of using Skype. That's great! (Although, I didn't feel so special when he went on to say how he could use it for all his friends who can't make it because they live too far away. This was also after I had asked him about how he had set up a way to stream live from his phone on our website and how he has never used it since the summer and he got all grumpy at me and brought up the streaming the concert thing as a bit of a placation tool. Again, maybe a bit PMS-y, but that made me feel not so important and that my idea had been taken for the comfort of other people and not so much he and I anymore, when he went on about how they could be convenienced and still sounded kind of grumpy at me!).