Question for couples who met online...

[Laura024]

My mom refers to him as "Greece boy" [is Alex really such a hard name to remember?] and questions his motives. However, she only does because my cousin got a fiancee visa for a guy in another country only to have him leave her. Now my mom believes my boyfriend will do the same. But I know his feelings are true; he shows it every day, and he's always wanted to go to graduate school in the U.S. I don't plan on having my family in my life much once Alex and I are together anyway. My family is not supportive of me in general.

[Kirschlein]

I actually always tell everyone that i met my SO online and through an online game. Some people ask me, how that can work out and don't believe it. But why should i care? They were never in the situation or they just aren't people to be in such a relationship. I won't judge them because of something like this, because i know a lot of people who were saying things like: nono, i will never be in an LDR... and guess who is in one now? : )
My parents were pretty skeptical because of his nationality, because they couldn't imagine someone being with me without talking german xD And now they just wait 'till he finally knows enough German to talk to them... Oh well ^^

[Silviar]

I'm the parent of a 22 year old daughter (yeah, I'm old, whatever), and tbh, if she were in an online relationship for a couple of years with someone she hasn't met, I wouldn't like it, either. I'd be very suspicious of the situation because if my daughter was worth it, some guy wouldn't leave her hanging for that long. ... I know its frustrating, and if you're over 18, you don't have to care, but if you live at home still, you do have to deal with your parents and depend on them in some ways, so make it easier on you both, and realize parents ARE annoying, but its only because they love you and because they have seen things in life you haven't yet.

Moon, you're right on the nose, and I think it's great you're weighing in. I absolutely agree with everything you've said. It's hard sometimes to understand our parent's point of view, but for example, even though I'm 26 I told my parents about our interest in each other, and I told them we were meeting. I didn't hide anything from them. I think my parents are used to me traveling independently by now (plus the 10 years of martial arts doesn't hurt), but they understood I was able to make my own decisions and I was going to do my best to be careful.

I'll add in one step further. Even though my SO is an adult (20), he lives with his mom, and I've been raised to be respectful to my elders and family. When Matt talking about coming out, I wrote a long email to her not really asking her permission but letting her know my thoughts and making sure she knew I'd keep him safe no matter what, and just talking to her about the situation in general. She was Very Happy with that move, and it was because I approached her with respect about the situation. Her baby was leaving her for 2 months - I'd naturally be concerned about my kids' first overseas experience, too.

There's a difference in concern and being toxic. Most parents and family are just concerned, and you have to keep in mind that they're seeing this cold turkey - they don't know anything other than you've started talking to someone online and fancy them. Being toxic, of course, is another matter, but most people genuinely just want their families and SO's to hit it off, no matter how far the distance.

[DarkSolitary]

My family is very supportive ^^ His family though is a tricky situation. They don't fight the fact that he's in a relationship with someone he's met online - they actually kind of figured he would but they would rather see their son with someone he can see everyday and so on. What parent wouldn't? But they have mixed feelings about me. On one end I'm very nice and truly care for their son and so on and so forth but on the other end I'm not exactly what they hoped for. They wish that their son was with someone of the same race and religion as them and it really quite bothers them that I'm not. But they are slowly getting used to the idea. It will take time

[ashlee1419]

Hey. My boyfriend and I have been together a little over 2 years. I had mysteriously ended up on his yahoo messenger friend list, and that was how we had first "met". After a year of a few conversations we had lost contact, and had then found each other again. We decided to give a long distance relationship a try, and we had never technically "met" each other. We have met now, and everything was as amazing as we imagined. Let me just be the first to say that when you meet the way we did, or you and your boyfriend have (basically the same); people automatically think that you've never seen each other, or they make judgements on how you can be who you want over the internet although you may not be that in person. What they don't understand is you get to connect on so many other levels rather then physical first. There are pictures to be sent, webcams, skype, and many many phone calls and texts where you create a very close bond. I don't think people understand that. When Justin (my boyfriend) and I first "met" in person; it was like out of a movie. We knew we loved each other way before meeting in person because when you meet the way we have, you have so much more then just meeting someone out and about. It is very hard, but I promise that it will be ok.

I do know that it is the HARDEST thing for people to wrap their minds around how you can possibly love and wait for someone you've met online. Chances are they won't understand and support it; and maybe they will when you finally meet. For me, my family has not accepted him yet because I've been to see him and he hasn't been here to see me yet. A lot of times you feel very alone accept for being able to talk with the person you're in the relationship with which is why I think it's so great that you're on this website...I wish I had found it sooner.

Good luck to you! It's a rough road, but well worth it no matter what the ending. =)[/COLOR]

[leonsfangirl]

Hey,

I met my sweetie on Yoville (game on facebook) just over 2 and a half years ago, but we've only been a proper couple for about 2 months (it's really complicated)
I've had a mixed bag of reactions really, my twin sister and a few friends were like "about time!" but other friends couldn't figure out why i would want too be with someone 4000 miles away,Plus my Mom was cautious too as to his motives for being with me.
Have faith in your relationship, you met for a reason

[Sano]

With my parents its a little like this, they're happy if Im happy, but they would definitely prefer better if he was coming to see me in my city first. Just because (according to my mom) they can identify him in a line up. XD She's usually joking when she says it but I know she's serious. Things have happened, and even though my bf isn't like that and I trust him I can completely understand their feelings.
>.> Even though I still intend on spending a week in TX with them, Im making sure I update them frequently so they know where I am at all times

[Richard Marks]

I have to say I don't really know what my parents would have thought about me dating a girl online. I kinda surprised them when she came over to visit me (I only told them a few days before she flew over). How ever I have to say that my Parents were very supportive of me and my SO. And they loved her the moment they first met.

How ever I do have to say that me and my parents did have a serious conversation about the long distance part once she had returned home. They just wanted to make sure that I knew what I was getting myself in for, and that I knew what I was doing. Once they were re-assured on that aspect they supported me 100%.

I do have to say that I can understand their concerns, after all there are many horror stories online and in the newspapers about LDR's that turn bad, either one turns out to be a mass murderer, pedophile, sex offender or something. Or they meet online, six weeks later she flies overseas to marry him. Six months later they are divorced and she is pregnant with no money and no way home in a squalid disease ridden apartment/mud hut.

However I will stress these are the negative stories the press harps on about. The truth is (or at least in my experience) an LDR has the same chances of success as a regular relationship as long as both parties know what they are getting in to and realise just how much more committed they have to be to make it work.

And one final thought from someone who married his sweetheart after a online LDR. LDR's in General can actually make a marriage stronger from the get go as both parties have the hard won experience of communicating with each other, something that a lot of modern day local romances seem to take longer to develop (and sometimes only after a near breakdown of the relationship).

[KimberlyJ]

My family was skeptical, but I didn't give them the opportunity to judge me... they finally met him on his first visit after we corresponded for 2 years and they fell in love with him. He is now treated like part of the family, our mothers exchange notes and Christmas gifts. No one will understand a true LDR unless they have actually been in one themselves. Unfortunately it may not get better until they actually meet him and see that he isn't a weirdo or perv. Hang in there.

[MarieJason]

Of course parents will be worried, skeptical, and will disapprove. it is up to you and your SO to prove to them that despite the distance, despite the culture or any differences at all, you will get through all of it. Me and my SO met online, I have never mentioned this to anyone because I don't want them to judge him wrongly. We agreed that it is best to keep it to ourselves that we met through match.com. We cannot change the fact that people can be judgmental of anyone, LDR or not. We don't owe them full detailed explanation of what we do. It is our choice. No one can even say that LDR won't work because most of the times, the ones who are in LDR are more likely to last than those who are close together. We just have to prove to them. Do not listen to those who thinks they are an expert of LDR that they say it won't work. No one is an expert of this..we make our own choice, we make our own future. We may all be in the same LDR situation, but we are all still different with each other. Follow your heart, but just be ready for all the trials and challenges it comes with. You need to have strong faith and trust with your SO.

[TurboPrinzessin]

I met my boyfriend online (thru a fitness community on FB), I am in CA and he is in AL. He showed me how serious he is about everything right from the start. We met in May and he asked me if I wanted to officially go out with him in July. He booked his plane tickets and stayed for 4 days at the end of July / beginning August. When I told my family they were shocked, but the funny part is that my sister actually met her boyfriend online too, they just lived 1 hour apart and by now live together. So my parents accepted everything pretty quickly. Once my SO got home to AL he pretty much 2 days later booked his flights a couple of days later to come back to see me mid September, then mid October and even came with me to meet my parents in Germany at the end of November. So he is not only talking the talk but walking the walk. I am flying out to AL for x-mas/NYE. He showed me how committed he is to our relationship and I will support him once he joins the Air Force in January.