How do you handle your SO leaving?

[ashleecarol]

My sweetheart is on his plane right now, heading back home. It has only been a few hours and I'll admit it, I'm a wreck. We just celebrated our 7 year anniversary on December 31st, so you think after so long that I would be use to this by now. Honestly, for me, each trip gets harder. I've ALWAYS been bad with 'good-bye' situations since I was little and it is clearly obvious that I still have that issue.

I consider myself lucky for how often we see each other (around every 3 months or some times a little bit longer). I know some couples on here that have to travel overseas and such, which I couldn't even begin to imagine and I applaud you!

But, in the end, I'm a sad puppy. I always get teary-eyed and find myself having moments of bubbling pressure in my throat as tears run down my face. The random moments of sobbing stop after the first day he leaves. When he finally calls me after he lands is when it all starts up again because of course, I miss him madly, I want him back, etc.
He is much more composed than I am. He doesn't look at the 'good-bye' and he looks forward to planning our next trip. I idolize the way he handles it and he has been this way from the beginning. Let me get this out there, I've tried doing it his way. I get to that point after a few days and things begin to fall back into place like they were before he arrived. My explanation to him for my tears is that it is difficult to adjust back to the solo life style after having your best friend and sweetheart around you for up to 2 weeks! You miss the noise, the touches, the jokes, the companionship!

Oh well, I guess it is back to me and my two cats for now
But now that I've rambled on about my struggles, I have some questions!
1) How do you handle the split? Are you a crier or are you more like my SO by being more composed or are you something completely different?
2) How does your SO handle the split?
3) What things do you do to keep yourself from being upset after you've/they've left?
4) For those who have experienced multiple trips with their SO: do you find the split easier as you continue to have trips or are you like me where every split is like the first? Both? Something else?

[emliz2018]

Hello!
1) I'm definitely a crier...there's no stopping it for me. I managed to hold myself together longer the last time he left, but the sobbing started nonetheless.
2) My SO holds himself together very very well until the very moment he has to leave, then he is a crier too.
3) I feel like it's best to try and distract myself with little things. I feel better being around my family. The last time he left I went home and watched a couple movies with my mom. She's good at understanding what I'm going through and comforting or distracting me when I need it. We don't usually talk on the phone or do anything other than text right after one of us leaves, just because it's too painful.
4) I don't feel like I've had enough experience with multiple trips to give any advice on this. I can't say I ever see the tears stopping.

[Yorkshire Girl]

First of all I think you guys marking your 7 year anniversay is awesome, and Congratulations =) Saying goodbye sucks and I understand how you feel. In answer to your questions:

1) How do you handle the split? Are you a crier or are you more like my SO by being more composed or are you something completely different?

Because we are CD for the majority of the year until he visits his family in his homeland for 3/ 4 months (this is the last time it is that long as next time we are visitting together for 2 months), I have a routine with my SO. As we have been together for nearly 5 years and lived together for 4, when he leaves I cannot cope. About a month before he is due to leave I have random moments were I get upset as I know the time for him to leave is coming, but I just cant cope. Then on the day I try to be strong but as soon as it gets to the goodbye at the departure gate I crumble. My legs buckle and feel like they are going from underneath me. My heart sinks and I struggle to breathe. I cry and cry uncontrollably. I have to lean against something just to keep me upright, the pain takes over me like nothing else. Wow just thinking about it now makes me feel so sad. Thank god he isnt away for this long again.

2) How does your SO handle the split?

He gets pretty upset leading up to his departure, then on the day we just hug each other and tell each other how much we love one another. At the departure gate he just holds me whilst his eyes fill with tears. He doesnt cry though, he manages to hold it in. Its just tears.

3) What things do you do to keep yourself from being upset after you've/they've left?

When he has left I just need organisation. I need to look in my diary or on my calendar and see lots of things to do, to pass my time. If I have spare days I try to fill them up. I shop, visit friends and family, go for meals, have drinks, read, watch TV, anything really to pass some time.

4) For those who have experienced multiple trips with their SO: do you find the split easier as you continue to have trips or are you like me where every split is like the first? Both? Something else?

This is the 5th time he has been gone for 4 months and luckily the last time for this long! When he gets back in 7 and half weeks thats it until we both visit together in December. I agree that it gets harder, it really does. Because its another year you have been together, more things you have learned about each other and its just so much more difficult. Especially because you know whats coming. You know how hard it is going to be.

[NaNi]

I really don't know. My SO has to leave me in 2 weeks and only thinking about it already breaks my heart. Especially since it will be 8-9 months until we can see each other again. I also have this feeling that this goodbye will be even harder than the first one. We're so in love and happy and just want to be together.

So yeah, I will probably do the same thing as last time... crying for hours and days until I'm just exhausted.

[garnet]

1) How do you handle the split? Are you a crier or are you more like my SO by being more composed or are you something completely different?

i cry from about 12 hours before he leaves, to about two days after.

2) How does your SO handle the split?

he tears up at the goodbye, but gets it together to deal with the hours and hours and hours of travel ahead.

3) What things do you do to keep yourself from being upset after you've/they've left?

i don't even pretend like anything is going to help at first. after that, i look at our new pictures, email him, sleep, work, try to get back into the normal old routine.

4) For those who have experienced multiple trips with their SO: do you find the split easier as you continue to have trips or are you like me where every split is like the first? Both? Something else?

much harder.

[FadedSunrise]

1) How do you handle the split? Are you a crier or are you more like my SO by being more composed or are you something completely different?

For all that I'm usually composed, I cried like no other at goodbye. My emotions tend to be able to do rollercoaster turns-5 minutes before we walked to the door I was happy and enjoying my time, and once we walk to the door it all hits me that this is goodbye.

2) How does your SO handle the split?

I wouldn't say he's composed, but he's not as extreme as me. He's sad, but a more even level of sadness. While I was grinning at him, he was smiling wistfully at me all the last day. But on the other hand he didn't cry either when I turned into a wreck.

3) What things do you do to keep yourself from being upset after you've/they've left?

Both of us like the idea of long hard workouts to numb away the feelings. When my body's that exhausted, my mind can't go wandering into those places! Other than that I have a lot of responsibilities at home-I just have to throw myself into them: studying for LSATS, housework, volunteering with the local parks, etc. Try not to leave myself too much time alone at my computer to reflect...It's been 3 weeks, and if I do that these days, I still feel bad about the separation. Thus I'm busy every day.

4) For those who have experienced multiple trips with their SO: do you find the split easier as you continue to have trips or are you like me where every split is like the first? Both? Something else?

Not yet(but someone is going to die if I am stopped from my next trip), but I don't think it'll get any easier. Especially because between this trip and the next one is possibly going to be a year instead of 6 months in between

[lucybelle]

I think I must be the odd one out on this. I don't look forward to goodbyes, but by the time one of us goes home I'm so happy to have had time with him that it doesn't even matter. I'm definitely not torn to pieces when my SO leaves. Life just goes back to how it was...

The day after we go back to our own countries, I just feel really weird. Because I get so used to talking to my SO anytime I want, or giving him a kiss, or sleeping next to him. It just feels weird to me for him to not be there. And to be talking via computer instead of face to face.

I guess I cry a little... I cry more when I'm in a bad mood and he's not here to comfort me. We've been on trips twice and I think the first goodbye was harder. I didn't know when I would see him again, and it was tough. But the most recent goodbye was more like "the next time I see you, you'll be moving in with me!" Which is pretty cool

[Moon]

1) How do you handle the split? Are you a crier or are you more like my SO by being more composed or are you something completely different?
I'm sad naturally, but I stay very composed.

2) How does your SO handle the split?
The same as I do, we hate that I have to go, but there's not much we can do about it.

3) What things do you do to keep yourself from being upset after you've/they've left?
Nothing really, just get through it. I know the next few weeks will be kind of rough, so I just go with it and get over it.

4) For those who have experienced multiple trips with their SO: do you find the split easier as you continue to have trips or are you like me where every split is like the first? Both? Something else?
They get harder, a lot harder, every time The more I visit, the more I want to stay. It's like that with both of us, we were a little whiny and pathetic last time! I actually find it easier if I go to the airport by myself, the airport is a sad place.

[blankita719]

1) How do you handle the split? Are you a crier or are you more like my SO by being more composed or are you something completely different?
Total crier I just got home a few days ago from a visit and after I put my son to bed, I am still crying...

2) How does your SO handle the split?
He is calm about it the majority of the time. When I cry and tell him I don't want to leave, he just tells me to stay then. However, right before we say goodbye at the airport, he does tear up a bit.

3) What things do you do to keep yourself from being upset after you've/they've left?
I've timed my visits so far that when I leave, I get back late the night before I have to go to work so I have to jump right back into my normal life right away. Having my son helps because he keeps me busy most of the time. This visit, after I came back I decided to do the 30 days of me blogging challenge to help distract myself. Visit here way too often of course, and I try and read lots.

4) For those who have experienced multiple trips with their SO: do you find the split easier as you continue to have trips or are you like me where every split is like the first? Both? Something else?
For me, it's harder because the more time I spend with him, the more I realize what I am missing every day that he isn't around.

[Mfashnik]

1) How do you handle the split? Are you a crier or are you more like my SO by being more composed or are you something completely different?
Whether or not I cry is completely dependent on the kind of visit I've had with him and who's around after he's gone. If anyone at all is around me after he leaves I stay very composed, because I loath crying in front of others. If no one is around me I'm usually a crier. I never bawl uncontrollably, but a few tears might escape during our last long embrace.

2) How does your SO handle the split?
He's mister composure. It used to drive me crazy that I would get all worked up, but now I appreciate his strength. He's wonderfully comforting and always makes me laugh before he goes. Our last hug is always the tightest and sometimes he won't let go and that's always okay with me.

3) What things do you do to keep yourself from being upset after you've/they've left?
I'm lucky enough that my SO lives close enough that we always drive to see one another. So he usually calls me as soon as he leaves and we talk most of his drive home. (about three hours) We rarely have time for long phone conversations like that so its nice to wind down that way. (He uses a blue tooth so its hands free and legal where we live). We talk a lot about the best parts of our time together and we try and plan the best time for our next meeting.

4) For those who have experienced multiple trips with their SO: do you find the split easier as you continue to have trips or are you like me where every split is like the first? Both? Something else?
When my SO leaves I'm sad of course, but after that sadness wears off (usually during our phone call) I become incredibly happy. My SO usually leaves me glowing in the most fantastically disgusting and cheesy way. That good mood will last a long time after I see him. I thought that this would wear off after I saw him a few times, but so far its still the same. When we first started meeting I used to anticipate him leaving to the point where I would be sad throughout the visit, but as we continued to meet I learned that it was more important for us to cherish the time we had together and worry about goodbyes when they happen.
Although I'm not anticipating his departure anymore and I'm still happy in the afterglow of his visits each goodbye gets a little bit more frustrating for me, because our time apart is growing due to our hectic schedules. Every time I say goodbye I don't know when the next time I see him will be and that's the hardest part.

[Micah]

1) How do you handle the split? Are you a crier or are you more like my SO by being more composed or are you something completely different?
I'm a crier. The first few times we parted ways, I held it in until after I had left, and then I let it out. Now, i am having trouble not crying in front of him when we say goodbye. At the same time, I am also content because I am so happy with the relationship. Any time spent with him is never enough, so I am always sad to leave.
2) How does your SO handle the split?
He isn't a crier. He holds me tight and tries to make it a positive experience. He never says goodbye, he always says until next time. He wipes my tears away and tells me he loves me. He's my rock and keeps it together when I can't.
3) What things do you do to keep yourself from being upset after you've/they've left?
I have children that distract me, and I usually immerse myself in my kids. Honestly I have a lot of trouble keeping myself from being upset. I have a lot of things that remind me of him and he's normally always in the back of my mind somehow.
4) For those who have experienced multiple trips with their SO: do you find the split easier as you continue to have trips or are you like me where every split is like the first? Both? Something else?
It gets much harder because each time we see one another, we just know we want to be together. Seeing each other makes that feeling more valid every time. At the same time, every trip brings us closer together and brings more hope to our relationship. So, amongst the heartache, there is a ton of positivity and the feeling that everything is right and good, if that makes sense.

[ber6810]

1) How do you handle the split? Are you a crier or are you more like my SO by being more composed or are you something completely different?
I'm a crier. A Crier to the hyperventilating, can't see, puffy eyes, stuffy nose, almost vomiting, point kinda crier.
2) How does your SO handle the split?
He cried the first few times, now he tries to keep it in, because if he doesn't it makes me worse, and then he don;t like that, so he usually keeps composed until we get to the cars, then he calls me crying.
3) What things do you do to keep yourself from being upset after you've/they've left?
Its REALLY hard, i usually just cry it out, hang with friends, or talk to my SO and recap the good times :]
4) For those who have experienced multiple trips with their SO: do you find the split easier as you continue to have trips or are you like me where every split is like the first? Both? Something else?
EVERY TRIP IS WORSE THEN THE FIRST, you would think i would be immune to goodbyes by now after all my trips, but i'm not, the more times, and the longer we see each-other, the worse i am, i get so attached.

hmm i love him<3

[hxcbreakdance]

1) How do you handle the split? Are you a crier or are you more like my SO by being more composed or are you something completely different?
It varies, sometimes I freak out and cry and others I feel very positive about it, I just think about how great our relationship is and how thankful I am just to have him in my life.

2) How does your SO handle the split?
He gets pretty upset but he doesn't really let it show like I do lol

3) What things do you do to keep yourself from being upset after you've/they've left?
I like to do something fun, watch some movies I enjoy or play the sims, it keeps me entertained for hours!

4) For those who have experienced multiple trips with their SO: do you find the split easier as you continue to have trips or are you like me where every split is like the first? Both? Something else?
Most of the time it's easier, unless it's an extended visit like now then it gets pretty emotional when he leaves.

[Swederica]

I know in my heart that I can't handle it at all.
To be honest I made a huge gamble, I moved here for her which was also the first time I saw her.
Not that I come here to brag or anything, it defintely got alot of ups and downs, but sometimes I just try to imagine what it would've been like if I didn't make that choice and had to leave. That is a thought that renders me unable to do anything and more then often makes tears flowing down your cheeks.

I'm so impressed with all of you who put up with that situation, I really am. Keep up the amazing job you all do which I could never have done, you are all heroes in my eyes

[mllebamako]

1) How do you handle the split? Are you a crier or are you more like my SO by being more composed or are you something completely different?
The first time I left, I shed some tears on the flight home and then had some big cries the next few days. But last week, I stayed pretty damn composed. I teared up at our goodbye and that was it! I was impressed with myself I think this is due to the fact that this will be the last time we have to separate like this, inch'allah.
2) How does your SO handle the split?
He is sweet and says all the mushy stuff I want to hear at the airport. But he doesn't cry (at least not in public ) I know it upsets him though and he kind of bums around the house for a few days.
3) What things do you do to keep yourself from being upset after you've/they've left?
Not much...just go back to regular life and keep busy for awhile.
4) For those who have experienced multiple trips with their SO: do you find the split easier as you continue to have trips or are you like me where every split is like the first? Both? Something else?
This was our 2nd time saying goodbye and it was much easier, but I think it's because it's the last time. Makes things much easier to know that next time we see each other we won't have to say goodbye like this again, inch'allah.