How do you handle your SO leaving?

[beaton]

1) How do you handle the split? I get depressed and needy. If I'm PMSing when he leaves then yeah, I'll cry after he's gone. It depends a lot on how the visit went.

2) How does your SO handle the split? He's a lot like how yours sounds, focuses on the next visit. He also kind of shuts down a bit as he's getting ready to leave. I took offense/was hurt at first, but now I understand that's just how he deals with it.

3) What things do you do to keep yourself from being upset after you've/they've left? I record the trip and reflect on it, and go hang out with friends, clean. Stuff myself with chocolate.

4) For those who have experienced multiple trips with their SO: The first was the worst. I cried for a week straight as if we'd broken up, but t the same time we'd spent a month nonstop together. Since then it's been a little easier, only 1-2 day visits, and I find that the better the visit, the happier I am after he leaves. Like Mfashnik mentioned, the times he leaves me with a happy glow are the easiest. If he leaves and we haven't talked properly I get needier between visits.

[London-FortCollins]

1) How do you handle the split? Are you a crier or are you more like my SO by being more composed or are you something completely different?

I cry. On the plane and such I try and stay composed, silent tears, staring out the window. But by the time I get home and crawl into bed with a horrible combination of jetlag, lack of sleep and seperation I'm impossible to deal with.

After the first couple of days it gets a bit easier, but the first phone calls are always the worst. Why does he have to be on the end of the phone and not there with me?

I do try and keep some level of positivity. Before I leave, we'll have a rough idea of our next trip and then I'll book the time off work and flight asap (even if it means maxing out the credit card AGAIN) so that we cant start counting down. The worst bit is not knowing when the next time we will see each other will be.

2) How does your SO handle the split?
Not well. He tears up at the airport too, but tries to stay relatively composed. I think he basically goes home and goes to bed too. He's very aware of not wanting to let the sadness overcome him though and will throw himself into seeing friends, working on projects etc. He's really irritable the first couple of days I think.

3) What things do you do to keep yourself from being upset after you've/they've left?
1 - trying to find a new job! Because I come over for 3 months at a time generally I temp inbetween time. I email all my agencies, get applications out, arrange interviews.
2 - catch up with everyone I havnt seen for 3 months. But that takes me a few days. I am NOT good company the first 3 or 4 days back. It takes enough energy to resume a reasonable routine and not bite my families heads off for nothing - let alone trying to find time to catch up and gossip straight away.

4) For those who have experienced multiple trips with their SO: do you find the split easier as you continue to have trips or are you like me where every split is like the first? Both? Something else?
The first visit I left at 3am, to catch my flight on a shuttle bus because he couldn't drop me to the airport and I then had the journey from hell with a million different connections and NO sleep. That was horrendous. Compared to that I suppose you "could" say the partings have been easier but because we've now had 3 month trips - it just gets harder. The only thing that gets me on that plane is knowing if I dont I will have "outstayed my welcome" on my visa, be deported and then NEVER get to come back.

I dread to think about this time, now that we're engaged and planning our wedding and lives together. How are we supposed to plan that when we're 5000 miles away?

[loveknowsnodistance27]

1) How do you handle the split? Are you a crier or are you more like my SO by being more composed or are you something completely different?

I am a huge crier. I was able to hold it together the last time we said goodbye until after he left. I get really depressed for a few days to a week after he goes back up to school and I feel very alone. My family and friends try to keep me busy, but there are times I just want to mope and listen to sad music.

2) How does your SO handle the split?

I honestly don't know how he handles it. He tells me he misses me all the time and that I'm always on his mind, but I've never actually seen him cry. I'm sure he probably does cry when he's alone, because we say goodbye the night before he leaves. Our reasoning is that he leaves in the morning and usually some other guy from the school picks him up. I wish I knew if he cried or not...he keeps it together and tries to be strong for me, though.

3) What things do you do to keep yourself from being upset after you've/they've left?

I just let myself be upset for a few days. Then, I try to carry on like before and just do my own thing. We talk every day, or every other day when he's away, so we give each other updates. My family and friends will try and plan things to get me out of the house.

4) For those who have experienced multiple trips with their SO: do you find the split easier as you continue to have trips or are you like me where every split is like the first? Both? Something else?

I think they get harder and harder each time...but our first one was really hard on me. I got physically sick for a week! I could barely eat, my stomach was a wreck and I couldn't stop crying. I lost between 3 and 8 pounds (I don't remember exactly how much) in a week...and I'm way underweight to begin with. But, each time since has gotten pretty tough as well. We never want it to end, obviously and we'll try and delay our goodbye that night. We usually hug for a long time and don't want to let go. =[ I dread each goodbye because I know the feeling afterwards sucks so much and my stomach twists into knots just thinking about it.

[OliveOyl]

i cried myself all the way to sleep and then i cried when i woke up. I was also sick as a dog, stuffy and runny nose, eyes were burning. i was so sad!! My SO was sooo composed, but I knew in the morning he was really sad because he didn't say much. he is very traditional. men don't cry. so every time i cried, he would tell me not to, or make me laugh, and just hug and kiss me. I agree with previous post the reason why I get so emotional is because I have no idea when I'll see him next! lol everything seems so uncertain, and i like stability! lol. And actually, as soon as I left my boyfriend totally broke down and texted my crying and followed my bus actually for a good 45 minutes. I just got mad because I would have loved to be there for him, like he was and always is for me. tough stuff!

[AllieBaba]

1) How do you handle the split? Are you a crier or are you more like my SO by being more composed or are you something completely different?
I CRY, CRY, CRYYYY. I usually start getting all depressed like 2 days before we have to say goodbye. I start thinking that I'm gonna go from being with him 24/7 to not seeing him at all for a long time (usually 6 months) ... It's a horrible feeling.

2) How does your SO handle the split?
He doesn't really cry at all. I know it sucks for him too but he is definitely the strong one in the relationship. He's always making me feel better when I'm down... Every time I start crying he somehow makes me smile.

3) What things do you do to keep yourself from being upset after you've/they've left?
I try to talk to my friends, go out with them.. keep myself busy and obviously talk to my SO too. I love looking at the pictures we take, it makes me miss him even more, but they also remind me of what a great time we had together Another thing I do is try to think about the next time we'll see each other, that way I have something to look forward to.

4) For those who have experienced multiple trips with their SO: do you find the split easier as you continue to have trips or are you like me where every split is like the first? Both? Something else?
Both. I think the feeling is the same... I hate having to say goodbye and it hurts more than anything, but at the same time I feel like I'm getting a bit used to it. Don't get me wrong I still miss him like crazy but I just think about all the positive things about our relationship. We might have to be apart, but in the end.. we love each other and we make it work.. and that's all that matters.

[13000km]

1) How do you handle the split? Are you a crier or are you more like my SO by being more composed or are you something completely different?

I am most definitely a crier. The first time I found myself crying was 2 or 3 days before I actually left. I was upset that he had to work a double shift (10 hours!) the day last day I was going to be there. I also ended up randomly crying while we were cuddling just thinking about me leaving. I cried a bit in the car as we were driving to the airport. We had breakfast there after checking the bags in and cried more when it was time for me to go to the gate. While I was in line I had to tell him to walk away so I couldn't see him or I wouldn't have been able to leave. I seriously considered missing my flight home. /:

2) How does your SO handle the split?

He is much more composed. He lets me cry as he believes it's good for me to release the emotions, but I've only seen him tear up once or twice. He can be so strong. (: He went and played ultimate frisbee with his friends after leaving the airport (in the middle of winter O He did admit that he cried after I left when he was driving from the airport.

3) What things do you do to keep yourself from being upset after you've/they've left?

The day after I came back I went right back to work. That was a bad idea because I was so severely jetlagged and exhausted from the 20 hour flight. The stress from work made it worse, and I cried myself to sleep that night and many nights after that.
I started learning the ukulele recently and it's taken my mind off missing him A LOT.

4) For those who have experienced multiple trips with their SO: do you find the split easier as you continue to have trips or are you like me where every split is like the first? Both? Something else?
We've only had to split once, and the next time we meet, it'll be for at least a whole year, I hope when we next part it won't be for a long enough period for me to feel that way again. Maybe I'll even be emotionally stronger by then! (:

[rivi87]

1) How do you handle the split? Are you a crier or are you more like my SO by being more composed or are you something completely different?
I'm pretty composed. I think I have come close to crying but its a bunch of I love yous and kisses

2) How does your SO handle the split?
My SO gets very sentimental and sweet...lots of hugs and kisses

3) What things do you do to keep yourself from being upset after you've/they've left?
I dont keep anything. Just dont wanna cry or show him im upset

4) For those who have experienced multiple trips with their SO: do you find the split easier as you continue to have trips or are you like me where every split is like the first? Both? Something else?
It seems to get harder..for both of us everytime...we will see next time I have to leave him (going to see him i 5 days )

[LotusWing]

wow, 7 years!? That's amazing! You two are doing very well. I wish the best for both of you!

Here's mine:
1) How do you handle the split? Are you a crier or are you more like my SO by being more composed or are you something completely different?
There was few time that I cried when he was leaving and once that I didn't cry, but I cried a lot when he was out of my sight. I cried for hours... so I'm a crier.

2) How does your SO handle the split?
Most of the time it didn't hit him (that we're far away from each other again) until few hours later. He would be sad and try to do something to keep him busy.

3) What things do you do to keep yourself from being upset after you've/they've left?
I would try to be in a room where there are people, because I know that I will cry when I'm alone. I don't do much though, mostly watch tv or watch people do their stuff.

4) For those who have experienced multiple trips with their SO: do you find the split easier as you continue to have trips or are you like me where every split is like the first? Both? Something else?
I find the split difficult, so yes I'm like you... I feel that every split is like the first time.

[prinzeza87]

I'm a crier, he's much like ur SO, but till today its being only 3 day that he left n im still crying in moments, my heart breaks because i miss him so much. i don't think i would ever get used to the good byes n neither does he. i said it before, i thought i was mentally prepared to the moment of leave, not at all, n for being our first time splinting its being really painful, n even more cos we dnt even know when r we gonna be able to c each other... Gosh im so fragile! ='(

[mandy1992]

1) How do you handle the split? Are you a crier or are you more like my SO by being more composed or are you something completely different?
I cried a bit when he was hugging me before I went through security tried not to let him see. Then a little bit later we were talking through this glass at the airport and on our phones he could see I was crying and it really sucked to be so close not be able to hug him again.
2) How does your SO handle the split?
He is the strong silent type he kept saying how it was only bye for now making little hints about things for next time and how I should come back soon but I could tell it was a bit hard for him.
3) What things do you do to keep yourself from being upset after you've/they've left?
I can't answer that question because I am upset and lonely. So far since we said bye in the airport we have talked on the phone a bunch and I guess it kinda helps I just miss him a lot.
4) For those who have experienced multiple trips with their SO: do you find the split easier as you continue to have trips or are you like me where every split is like the first? Both? Something else?
This was my first visit but I'm finding the split a lot harder then I was expecting.

[storiebookie]

I have the same problem, almost exactly as you have described... I'm the crier, I'm the one that gets upset and my boyfriend is the one who holds it together and thinks of the future and does not really get sad at all. It's hard, not being able to have him be as sad as I am... I know he still loves me, but it doesn't help. I don't think there is really anything you can do to make yourself feel better. I find that whenever I leave him, it makes me also very irritable and whenever we talk on the phone for up to 2 days later, we argue. Just argue, about not being able to see each other, about when we're going to be together... sometimes we just argue about HOW we argue.

I'm at a loss as you are... I am very sad and don't know what to do when I leave him. I wish there was a cure. I wish there was a way NOT to be sad. But I am. I just feel like I'm wasting away my young years waiting for him... when I could be with him and being happy every day. It sucks we're far apart. I'm just glad I found this site, where everyone else feels the same way I do... all my other friends have their boyfriends nearby and it is really hard to not be jealous...

Anyway, thanks for the post. I am glad I am not the only one.

[Obsydian]

He just left this morning on the long bus ride away from me.
I'll probably take a nap in the guest bed that still probably slightly smells like him. I can't stop crying. :\

[Flora]

1) How do you handle the split? Are you a crier or are you more like my SO by being more composed or are you something completely different?
I am usually a crier. Usually I even start the rying on the night before I leave... I improved to that level that now I start to cry after I left so he doesn't see me cry (I know that it's makes him really sad)
2) How does your SO handle the split?
At the really first time when we had to split I remember that he was crying with me half of the night before the day I left. It was just a really hard time cause we had to decide what to do. After the very first time he seems like much stronger. Sometimes I feel it on his voice when i call him from the boarding (yes I do) that he is about to cry but he always try to be strong.
3) What things do you do to keep yourself from being upset after you've/they've left?
Honestly a couple of weeks ago I can hardly keep myself away from being upset I don'T know why (or actually I guess it's because I dinished with college and I don't have anything to do all day) but I usually just try to go out with my friends, go to library or work out (I got addicted to aerobic since I'm in a LDR, haha ) but sometimes I just cry and even yell loud at home and watching romantic movie which is make it much worse lol
4) For those who have experienced multiple trips with their SO: do you find the split easier as you continue to have trips or are you like me where every split is like the first? Both? Something else?
The split is getting easier for me. Okay, I started to ry at the last time too and I was feeling sad so bad but I didn't have that deep depressive mood like before but the waiting for the next meeting is getting worse and worse!

[ashleecarol]

I am usually a crier. Usually I even start the crying on the night before I leave...

Usually when it gets darker and I know the day is coming to end the day before I leave, that is usually when I start getting teary-eyed. It occurs when we will be cuddling, resting on the bed and feeling the closeness of him just makes my heart sink with sorrow because I know in less than 24 hours, I will be without him I try NOT to think that way, but the thoughts are just poison in my brain. My SO tries to make me laugh or he gets really goofy to make me smile to stop the tears, reassuring me that we'll see each other soon. "Each day passing without each other is one day closer to being together once and for all."

[CloseToMyHeart]

I did not think I would get emotional when mine left, but when we had to say goodbye yesterday, I found myself actually crying (of course until he asked if I was crying) ..... The reality of him being gone doesn't hit until a day or 2 later when I want to see him and I cant.