We're taking a break.

[luna_banana]

Over the past 6 months or so, I've slowly been losing feelings for my SO. It really isn't anything he's done wrong, but I just think we've both changed a bit over the past 2 years and we may not be the best for each other anymore. I'm going off to college this summer and I have really big plans for myself. My SO's grades aren't good enough to get into many of the schools I'm looking at, and I don't want to sacrifice my chance at a better education just to be with him. I also really wouldn't enjoy being in a LDR for another 4 years, making 6 years total. I find myself wanting a partner with more ambition and drive to succeed.

When we're actually together it's nice. Nice, but not nearly as heavenly amazing as it used to be. The visits keep me going...for a while at least. But it's like with each visit, it takes a little less time for me to lose feelings for him. Our last visit was 3 weeks ago and it's already come to this. Not to mention he gets extremely paranoid when I am around other people, thus making it incredibly hard to make friends since I moved here 2 years ago.

Part of me wanted to just break up with him. But I guess I'm the sort of person who is bad at letting go. So I've decided to give the relationship another chance, and "take a break" for a few weeks to see how life is without him. Honestly its going really well, but we'll see what happens next week when I'm back in school. Part of me wants this to be the end but part of me doesn't. However, most of the emotions convincing me to stay with him are guilt, sentimentality, and the fear of being alone. I just wanted to come on here for some advice, if anyone has some to share.

Was taking a break a bad idea? Is there anything I can do to keep the relationship, or should I just give it up?

[snow_girl]

Your relationship sounds like a past one I had. We just slowly changed and the changes didn't include each other in them. It was mutual but it started out with a break. I am glad to hear that you won't sacrifice a good school and such for him. See how its like on a break, If it doesn't work out it doesn't have to do with giving up, sometimes people just aren't compatible forever.

[nic&matt]

I think it's the mature thing to do. Even though I'm not a huge fans of breaks longer than a week, I think it's very mature to see that some things aren't working and letting them be. Some people who see that can go overboard and try to fix it. Accepting that it might not be working is a really, really hard thing to do and being responisble to give it a chance before making a decision is near to impossible. Whatever way it goes, I hope it leads you to a happier, successful route. Best of luck, to both of you. Keep us all updated!

[Silviar]

I think it's a mature decision. People can and do grow; especially at this point in your life. Do what's best for you, and it sounds like you're listening to yourself, which is key.

[Mizpah]

From my experience, breaks don't work. When you take time away from your partner, you're also taking time away from the problems between you and they are there waiting for you when and if you return. That being said, I think you're making the right choice. Go to the college you want, pursue your dreams. I let my ambitious-less ex-fiance hold me back. I graduated early, but ended up at community because he didn't want me to leave. He convinced me it would be just a couple semesters and then he would move with me to attend for a different program. When we should have been moving, he proposed. Little did I know it was more about keeping me, trapping me, than loving me and wanting a life with me. Don't let any guy keep you from getting an education. If it's meant to be, it will be. I took a break from my ex, and didn't look back. Three months later, I ended up meeting my now-husband, and I plan to go back to school as soon as we get settled to finish my social work and psychology degrees.

[Moon]

You're doing the right thing. When you get into a long-term relationship at at young age, you do a lot of growing during that time. Sometimes you grow in the same direction and sometimes you don't, there's not much you can do about it and I think in most cases you end up much less compatible than when you started out. You should never give up your college years for someone who will hold you back from enjoying it fully, and who's uncomfortable with your direction of growth, and especially when your levels of ambition are so different. Follow your instincts on this hun, you won't regret it later. You might even realize later that the relationship is worth pursuing again, but you'll never know if you don't go with what your heart and head are telling you now. Best of luck, and remember, we're all here if you need us.

[luna_banana]

Thanks for the advice guys. Its good to hear from people who have gone through the same thing. I know taking a break isn't always a good idea. When I still had strong feelings for him I thought that breaks in a committed relationship were pointless. But I really think that now it will give me a chance to step back and fully assess the relationship. I'll be able to accurately say whether or not I actually am happier without him. It may be important to add that I've promised to stay loyal to him during the break. I don't think that taking a break should be for the purpose of escaping commitment and doing things with other people. No, the only reason that I would end things would be problems with my current relationship, not a desire for a local relationship/hookup. And about the more than 1 week thing, the reason is that this week I don't have any school. I want to see what next wee is like, with all of the normal stresses and people, without him.

[AllieBaba]

I think you made a good decision. Even though taking a break is not the ideal thing to do, sometimes it's necessary. Take the time to think about what you want and what's best for you. I'm sure that this break will help you see clearer and will help you in the future!

[rivi87]

I think its the right idea..not too long ago me and my SO took a break. It was just that I needed to figure out how much he meant before it got further. The time apart I realized that I really did miss him and I wanted to be with him more than ever. Our relationship is stronger than ever now!! So a break could possibly be for the better! good luck w your choice