we broke up

[Miramaid]

so...my now ex BF yesterday searched for my nick name online. Why? I do not know. I guess he was trying to find smth about me without me knowing and he did. He found a post that I wrote on a medical forum over a year ago. I was asking about emergency contraception and if i may be pregnant because i took it while taking antibiotics. I was very specific about dates when asking my question: when i had an unprotected sex, when i took plan B etc etc. Just for a reference: the event occured BEFORE me and my SO started dating.
My SO asked me if i was pregnant twice, he asked me if i know what is minocyclin (the antibiotic) and when I answered "no" abt pregnant twice, and i answered "yes i know what minocycline is" he said "so were you pregnant twice?" and THEN he showed me the link he found with my nickname. At first i told him that anyone can have that nickname but then i said "ok...do not tell anyone" and told him a story abt my first pregnancy when i was 19 years old and lived in my home country...
He said that i lied to him coz he had to ask several times before I finally admitted that the post was mine and what was in it, he said that he cant believe that he was in love with such a horrible person, that he doesnt know me, that he doesnt ever want to have anything to do with me etc etc
It was NOT because of pregnancy or anything. IT was because of the date of the post (Jan 2010), and about the dates i was mentioning when i had sex (Nov 2009) etc.etc. Me and him started dating in MAY 2010. So it was all BEFORE but that did not matter to him. What did matter was that when he asked me before about that guy i had a sexual relationship with (we were not dating and had sex like 3 times) i told him that the last time was in 2009 (the guy lived far away and did not have a car so we really only met on a couple occasions with big periods of time in between).The time I was asking that question was the last time I saw the guy and the last time we had sex. My SO and I started dating in May, AFTER all that happened. And I did not tell him abt my first pregnancy coz no one knows about it, even my parents and it is smth I would like to forget. Not many people know about my second one either, but he knew...He said some very hurtful things. I told him that people who love forgive their loved ones and he said 'Oh yeah? I will forgive you if you let ME personally tell your parents that you were pregnant twice" and I said to him that my dad had two heart attacks (the whole reason why my parents are not aware of my pregnancies) and that he is free to tell them and that it will kill my dad who is dreaming of grand kids and then what? He did not say anything. He was not gonna do that of course...he said I ruined our relationship and not him, that I lied to him about my whole life and I am not the person he thought I was. He said that 7 years ago his mother died on the same day and now he has another reason to hate this day. I know he posted a status on FB (even though I am not on his FB any mroe) but I know he posted in his status that he is very sorry about the time he had wasted with me and he is full of anger adn wishes he could share with everyone what happened but he wont coz he doesnt want to be like me...Now he posted a yahoo messenger status saying 'Why does this always happen to me? Why do I always find crazy ones?'

You know guys, I never once called him a bad name, i never cheated on him or anyone, i never did anything bad to anyone but myself. I do not understand why this is happening and why and why do I deserve such a thing? Yes I understand he was upset, but react THIS way???


Now you can all tell me what you think: good or bad. I do not even care any more. I am soooo upset as never. I went to counseling today and yes i told him all truth and i asked the counselor if it was OK to not share all the information about your past with your SO and he said that it was OK especially when two ppl are in a relationship 8 months only and that even in marriage people shoudl respect boundaries and it is my past...

I know I am not perfect I should not have lied about it, but those are some big things plus he cant take information in a proper way, he freaks out, so i lied about it :'(

[Karringtyn]

Honey this is NOT the first time he has looked and looked for stuff about you online...he searched your FB and then questioned you trying to get you to slip up. That is a HORRIBLE horrible thing to do to someone. That is NOT LOVE. It is control. He has belittled you and truly tried to destroy you. The fact that he said he would FORGIVE you if you told your parents???!!! This guy needs help. So much more help than you can give him by loving him. He did you a HUGE favor...I know you can't see it now....but you will...eventually.

[mllebamako]

Yes...like Karringtyn said...this is NOT love, it is control and jealousy. I know it hurts right now but in the end you will be glad that you got out of such a poisonous relationship.

[Moon]

Karringtyn and mllebamako are right. Anyone who spends time trying to find whatever negative things they can about you, then interrogates you about it isn't someone you want to be with. It never ends, and they do it to make you feel as if you're nothing without them, completely worthless and useless, you'd end up hating yourself if this relationship continued. I know it hurts, but after some time, you'll be very grateful it ended when it did.

[Silviar]

Run in the other direction. Block him, don't respond to any contacts. That's not an SO, that's a controlling personality trying to once again manipulate and control you. As much as it'll hurt, it'll feel so much better after you don't talk to him for a week or two.

[threecheers9980]

I told him that people who love forgive their loved ones and he said 'Oh yeah? I will forgive you if you let ME personally tell your parents that you were pregnant twice"

This part actually makes me angry. If you didn't tell your parents, what in the world makes him think it'll be okay for him to tell them?!

Honestly, I'm not bothered by the fact he searched for your screen name. I've done that with my SO and I know my SO has done that with me. I'm sure people here have done it too...not out of maliciousness or wanting to dig up dirt on their partner of course, but out of curiosity. What bothers me is the fact that he completely flipped his shit about everything. You didn't lie to him about your whole life. It wasn't like you told him you were someone else completely different or anything like that. You lied to him about a couple things that happened. Any rational person would not have acted so dramatically. I think you're better off without him.

[Stina83]

Wow!! Hun, I agree with what has already been said here. You deserve better! Now, I donno what has happened before as I'm fairly new to this site, but the way he reacted in this particular case is absolutely ridiculous. You can't have a relationship like that, and even though you're still in love and heartbroken right now, just wait a few months and I'm sure you'll see the situation in a different light. I've been there too, was once in a bad relationship with a man who belittled me and destroyed my sense of self-worth. Even though it's not the same situation, he ended up breaking up with me, and I literally thought my life was over. But once I got through the worst hurt, I started to see things differently, and today I think it's the best thing that ever happened to me, that he ended it. Anyway, just saying that you'll get through it. We're all here for you!

[unicornlove]

Sorry to hear that. We're all here for you You'll find someone who deserves you and doesn't think you're a horrible person. Don't give up!

[Rach]

Exactly what Karringtyn said! He's trying to manipulate you into believing it's love etc. Don't fall for that and as tough as it is now, you will see he's the one that needs help.

What happened with you before technically has nothing to do with him, so it's up to you if you wanted to tell him or not and I'm sure if he was mature and understanding you would have one day... but obviously he proved YOU wrong.

He's not worth it... Block him like Silviar said.

[mangakagirl]

I'm so sorry.
I've been through a relationship with a guy who did something like that multiple times before, and in the end getting out of it was the best thing I've ever done for myself.
It hurt a lot, what he did to me. So have an idea of what you're going through.
You are not a horrible person. You can't believe anything someone like that would tell you. You're beautiful and strong for making it through that

[Miramaid]

He just sent me an email :'( x 1000000000

Dear horrible person,

You are no longer welcome in my house. You have destroyed it. You were just like all the other residents in my house. Once again, I opened up my very special, tender place in the hopes that you were the last one to move in. I was completely wrong. You are nothing but a liar, plain and simple. Every chance you had you lied. You think it's ok because you call your lies "mistakes", and people are suppose to forgive mistakes. You were given far more opportunities than anyone else before you. I never asked for much, just for you to be truthly with me. I was always clear about that, on many, many occassions. You were the main reason I was going back to school, so I could provide a safe and financially secure place for our family. You were suppose to be the last one, that's why I stuck around during all your b.s. I should have gotten out of this relationship a lot earlier than I did. Then maybe I wouldn't be in such incredible pain. You know, I really feel sorry for you because you believe you've done nothing wrong. Because of that, you will never have anyone as kind, sincere, open, honest, patient, caring, compassionate, or as loving as I am. You will live a long life full of lonliness and regret.

Craig

[Karringtyn]

Dear Craig,

You have tried to manipulate and control me for the last time. You have serious issues that you should get help for. Anger and paronia are the first places to start.

The person who is THANKFUL they no longer live in your "house"


Eh that was me being nice...if I were you I would reply like that....just sayin'

[Sarah9908]

All these ladies have given you some good advice so I have nothing to add. but *many hugs to you* As for the email, if I were you I just wouldn't respond to it. He's being a selfish, evil, absolute jerk and if you respond, he's just going to write you another despicable email full of lies. My heart goes out to you -- don't give up. You can't have a rainbow without any rain *hugs*

[doombee]

i think Karringtyn has said it best the first time, and the last. keep your chin up sweetie. it hurts right now
but you'll pull through this. and when you do, you'll realize just how controlling and paranoid he was and how
better off you are without people like that in your life. it is abuse. and you're lucky to be getting out while you can.
block him. ignore him. do what you have to do, but don't beg for his understanding. end it now.

[Snowy.Winter]

He sounds so bitter and that is not something that I personally would ever want to associate with myself ever again. He's not good for you at all, no-one deserves treatment like that. Keep your chin up because he's not worth it, he can sit and blame you all he wants but you know in your head and in your heart, that you know the truth. Good luck with everything and we're always here.