Trying to hold on...

[quillinmarissa]

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 2yrs now. He is about to be 23 and I'm about to be 20, so he's about to graduate next fall while I still have 2 more years of school left (plus graduate school). We met the summer before I was about to go off to school, which is 2 and a half hours away from home (where he lives). He knew early on in our relationship that I had chose to go away to school where I have a running scholarship. Now that we've made it through 2 yrs he is saying that he can't do 2 more years of this. He really wants me to move home and go to a school there to be with him. I feel that I'm not finished here at my school though. I've already adjusted here and I love it here. Switching schools right now would just scramble everything up. I feel that he should be willing to wait on me untill I finish school. He feels like we shouldn't postpone something that we could have now. I want our relationship to work out SOO bad. and he says he wants the same thing but we can't seem to solve this constant dilemma. He feels like i'm chosing the school over him, and I've told him that the school and him are uncomparable. When I ask for advice from my friends and family, they're always on my side. When he asks for advice from his friends and fam they're on his side. I believe some advice from people who don't know either of us would be helpful.
-MQ

[William]

It's al about striking a balance. But at the end of the day, your are you, which makes what You want slightly more important than what you both want (if you know what I mean).
If he cares at all about your future, he should see how important it is to finish school. While two years may seem like (and probably is) a lot, the impact if switching school will be a lot more severe.

I feel that it's very selfish of him not to consider your future. Maintaining the distance because you know how important something is to your SO, to me, shows more caring than wanting to be with you here and now. That's just selfish.

Good luck!

[JoMarie]

Balance is key. How often do you make the trip home to see him, and how often does he make the same trip to see you?
You should both be traveling to spend quality time together, because it does matter. At the same time, a scholarship is important, it takes away future debt that you would both have together should you be married. Also what do you do on breaks? When the semester is over are you home for the month or so between semesters? If so I think that you're doing all you can and he has to be less selfish.

[Bluestars]

I think your boyfriend is being selfish. If you have a scholarship at your current school, then that is something that he needs to respect. School costs so much that it is unrealistic to change to schools just so that you can be closer to him, all the while making you go into debt. Going to college is going to help your future, and your boyfriend needs to understand that.

Quite frankly, if he thinks that waiting two years is too long for him, then why doesn't he move closer to you since he just graduated? That would be an easier solution than you having to move. He shouldn't ask that of you if he wouldn't even do it himself.

[Italia10]

It's such a difficult situation. You guys have come so far already...you have being in a LDR down pat after two years! I agree with the others that balance is key. School is school....so that means there are breaks and summers off! Make the most of them. School is so so so important, also. Your SO needs to understand that staying there is for BOTH his furture and yours!! Good luck!!!

[asianbarbie0917]

I know what its like to be in a relationship with someone who has commited time into another aspect that seperates him from me (military). I have moments when I feel as if it's unbearable because of how much I miss him, but in the end I'd rather be loving him far away than not at all. And its up to him whats more important. Do u guys see each other often(ish)? On your holidays and important events? If so dont think about it being 2 years away, just keep look forward till the next time you see each other (I'm in an LDR for the next year, but we visit every 3-4 months so we just look towards that). And if he's graduating, where does he go after that? Y can't he relocate himself to where you are? Since he doesnt have ties after college he can come to you, that way you're both together and you get your schooling

[Mio]

I think he may be going thru a phase right now. Sometimes we don't think too much, and let our emotions speak. Maybe he can try to move to your area for 2 years, and then you can move back, or think about a happy medium, best wishes!

[quillinmarissa]

I like the idea of just looking forward to the next time we see each other, instead of thinking of it as two years. I come home every weekend/holiday that I can, which ends up being atleast every 3 weeks (definitely doesn't sound that bad after reading that some couples don't get to see each other nearly as often as that). He believes that I should be the one to move back home since that's my hometown, and not only would I be able to see him everyday, I would also get to be closer to my family. He doesn't think it's logical for him to move here, since after i'm done w/ school we would just be moving back to my hometown.
Thank you everyone for all the opinions and advice

[Zephii]

I understand his need for now rather than waiting two years - and with that said two years is plenty of time for him to live with you out there close to your school, it wouldn't be a wasted effort at all. Hell, I'm only in Canada for a year and a half and that's an international move! And unless you are buying a house together immediatly upon graduating, it's likely you'll move every couple of years anyway because renting can be very unstable - so what does the distance of that move matter, really?
I think he's asking too much for you to move away from a school you love. If he has nothing tying him where he is and wants more of a life with you, he can make the effort. It's about compromise. Perhaps find out what he'd expect from you in return for him making the effort of moving to you?

[Tanja]

He is letting his emotions do the thinking for him instead of common sense which we all can understand - sometimes when you've been together for years you are bound to feel selfish and get needy and demanding even. But those thoughts don't usually last very long after you talk about them and get to see the other persons point of view.

Him moving to you wouldn't be a waste, 2 years is a long time and you need to tell him that if he's not wiling to move to you then he has to settle for seeing you every 3 weeks WHICH IS REALLY OFTEN compared to some couples who only get to see each other once a year!

It's all about compromising really but what you have right now, a great school and a scolarship that is helping you towards a better future it's definitely something to hold on to. I'm sure if you really talk with him about all this and explain how important your studies really are he'll come around.

If I was in his situation and nothing was keeping me from Andy I'd move to him straight away without thinking! In a LDR someone ALWAYS has to make the move unless they wanna stay LD forever.