Age difference, older ladies, did you get grief?

[garnet]

If you're a girl, at least 5 years older than your significant other, did you get grief from your friends/family?

I most certainly did. I am 11 years older than Rane, and most of my then friends just laughed at the whole thing. My relatives (minus my mother) would from what I gather, have preferred I stay in an abusive relationship with my ex husband, who was a year older than I am, vs be truly happy with a younger man. (I can't quote anyone, because I get all of this second hand. They don't speak to me.)

I know it's becoming more common for age differences to go in either direction, but I'm curious if the stigma of being older as the woman remains in your experience?

[sabby64]

My mom gets grief all the time for dating guys 15-20 years younger then her. She finally stepped up and told everyone to back off, and now she doesn't care what anyone else says. I'm just happy that she's happy, and as long as her boyfriend is older then me I'm good. I don't think age should matter when it comes down to love. In the big scheme of things other peoples relationships really are none of our business anyways, so who has the right to judge?

[London-FortCollins]

Amen Sabby! I've always dated older guys, but if my SO was younger than me I would tell everyone to get stuffed.

This is your relationship, you know what makes you happy. Your dating the person not their age.

[books]

Yes, I did and still get a good amount of grief. I'm 11 years older than my SO too and trust me, when I met him I definitely did not think it would turn into what it was. We met and dated in Nicaragua, which generally tends to be pretty laid-back as far as age differences in relationships goes. I did get a little slack there, mainly people commenting that I was obviously toying with him b/c why would someone like me (well-traveled professional) stay with someone like him (university student still living at home). When I told my Mom, she was appalled and kept referring to him as "some young boy". My younger brother laughed about it as well saying he was right around his age which is weird. Most of my friends have been cool with it. Some have just made comments that it's obviously not serious which irritates me but what can I do? I did get called a cougar for the first time by a former-coworker when we had a catching up lunch recently. I was startled and said "I'm not even sure I'm old even to qualify to be a cougar yet" (I'm 32) even though I wanted to tell her something else
I realize people will continue to offer their opinions on my relationship, but at the end of the day I just feel like...why are you so concerned over the person I've chosen to be with?
On the flipside, his family is totally cool with it and has joked with him that he's following in the footsteps of a few uncles of his who have all gone for older women.

[LadyMarchHare]

My mom was 6 years older than my dad and as far as I know the only grief she got was from my dad's mother because she wasn't Italian. Then again my parents were in their older thirties when they were married so I don't think by then it was as big a deal. At the very least they were marrying someone, y'know?

I did have a friend who used to drive me nuts with the idea it was bad to be older than the guy. She had crushes on dozens of guys and plenty more liked her but if they were even just one year younger she'd scream she was robbing the cradle and not give them a second glance. Mind you, she's not even in her mid-20s. I don't get why women get harped on more for younger men. Just because we don't see it in the news every day doesn't mean it doesn't happen. I mean geeze people used to harp on older men for marrying younger women, but now it's so common it's become old hat and 'normal'.

[Yei&Jon]

I am almost exactly 5 years older than Jon (Our birthdays are only 10 days apart) and yes, I've gotten grief from my family before. Just the "He's just a kid and doesn't have the mentallity to take care of you yet." It was brought up more when we started 'dating' since he was 15 and I was 20 so they were in the "Really, Yeidy? Really?" mentallity but now that they've noticed we've been serious for over 2 years, they've left it alone. The age difference has never been that big of a deal to them but it's the fact is that they never really liked that I fell in love with someone so far away.

As for my friends, the ones that mattered didn't seem to mind when I talked about it but they (the male friends) were still a bit curious as to why a younger guy. Of course, those that wondered why were the ones that were interested in me at some point, which is ironic since they also were younger than me by a year or two. >.>

[London-FortCollins]

I can kind of see what people mean when they say "Hes not emotionally mature enough" etc etc because it is fact that men are emotionaly younder than women of the same age, sso if they're chronoliigically younger too it heightens the gap.

However this is an extremly big generalisation, and you can never apply that to every single guy. I was with a guy 5 years older than me when I was 16 and I was SO much more mature than him. (I went to college, and worked at least 10hours a week at my saturday job, and was saving for my future. He sat around in his mums house all day and got high all day living off the government)

Stand your ground and tell people that if its meant to be it'll work out, regardless of age, distance or anything.

[Silviar]

I'm 26, my SO is 20. I distinctly remember friends and acquaintances remarking on his age - most of them are no longer friends. I also distinctly remember when joining a certain LDR group (not here) that someone quite rudely remarked "Wow, that's a big age difference." Which REALLY pissed me off - of all places to get it - seriously, in a support group? Even when I told this girl that it's not that big she didn't have the smarts to shut up - she said something else to the effect that it's a large difference in age/maturity. I chalked it up to her own insecurity about her experience with maturity in men, and I was right - her SO was highly immature even at being older than my SO. Ironically, they broke up soon after because of his immaturity.

This is why I don't listen to people who only bring their own problems to the table.

My dad made a comment this week that he liked my SO, but he was "awfully young." I really hate the age card - *I'm* young too. 6 years is NOT that big of an age difference, and given that he's had life experience and whatnot, people commenting on his age still boggles my mind.

Age does not equal maturity.

And who cares if a couple is happy together?

One of my good friends is married to a woman 22 years older than him. They're one of the best couples I know. Really solid marriage. I always remind myself of that when people ask "How can you date someone so young?!"

[Silviar]

I can kind of see what people mean when they say "Hes not emotionally mature enough" etc etc because it is fact that men are emotionaly younder than women of the same age, sso if they're chronoliigically younger too it heightens the gap.

However this is an extremly big generalisation, and you can never apply that to every single guy. I was with a guy 5 years older than me when I was 16 and I was SO much more mature than him. (I went to college, and worked at least 10hours a week at my saturday job, and was saving for my future. He sat around in his mums house all day and got high all day living off the government)

Stand your ground and tell people that if its meant to be it'll work out, regardless of age, distance or anything.

I'm glad you admitted right after stating it's a fact that men are less mature at an age than women that it's also a blatant generalization, because I would've vehemently (but respectfully!) disagreed with you. :P My SO is 20, and he's more mature than many men I know who are my age (26).

Age does NOT equal maturity - life experiences are what make it, and some who have them grow up quicker than others. I suspect people also often feel this way because they see older men dating younger women, and are the same maturity wise even if the gap is smaller. But I think what it really shows is that people with certain levels of maturity will go for other people at the same level of maturity - regardless of age. That's why certain immature older guys focus on younger women (the usual stereotype) - because they know they're gonna get what they want from that age group.

[leaveluck2heaven]

I'm only three years older than him but we still got a lot of grief because I'm almost through with college and he's still in high school. My family was cool with it because my mom's a lot older than my dad, but my friends thought it was totally weird... add in the fact that he wasn't 18 yet when we started dating and I took a lot of "jailbait" crap for a while. Still do but at this point it's a joke, since he's more comfortable with it now and I've gotten to the point where it's like "oh a jailbait joke? clever I've never heard that one before."

[Rugger]

I did have a friend who used to drive me nuts with the idea it was bad to be older than the guy. She had crushes on dozens of guys and plenty more liked her but if they were even just one year younger she'd scream she was robbing the cradle and not give them a second glance. Mind you, she's not even in her mid-20s. I don't get why women get harped on more for younger men. Just because we don't see it in the news every day doesn't mean it doesn't happen. I mean geeze people used to harp on older men for marrying younger women, but now it's so common it's become old hat and 'normal'.

I have a friend who refuses to date anyone younger than her, even if it's just a year.

My mother is 4 years older than my father and most of the women in my family are older than their partners. If someone has the time to comment on your realtionship, they really need something else to do with their time.

[Leigh]

First of all congratulations on leaving your abusive ex husband and your new marriage with Rane. I'm happy for you getting your green card and your baby. I loved your blog wedding pictures. Your dog was so cute in the wedding. I think older women & younger men are becoming more popular and acceptable. My SO is younger than me and we haven't had any problems from other people with it.

[Heather]

I'm 26, my SO is 20. I distinctly remember friends and acquaintances remarking on his age - most of them are no longer friends. I also distinctly remember when joining a certain LDR group (not here) that someone quite rudely remarked "Wow, that's a big age difference." Which REALLY pissed me off - of all places to get it - seriously, in a support group? Even when I told this girl that it's not that big she didn't have the smarts to shut up - she said something else to the effect that it's a large difference in age/maturity. I chalked it up to her own insecurity about her experience with maturity in men, and I was right - her SO was highly immature even at being older than my SO. Ironically, they broke up soon after because of his immaturity.

This is why I don't listen to people who only bring their own problems to the table.

My dad made a comment this week that he liked my SO, but he was "awfully young." I really hate the age card - *I'm* young too. 6 years is NOT that big of an age difference, and given that he's had life experience and whatnot, people commenting on his age still boggles my mind.

Age does not equal maturity.

And who cares if a couple is happy together?

One of my good friends is married to a woman 22 years older than him. They're one of the best couples I know. Really solid marriage. I always remind myself of that when people ask "How can you date someone so young?!"

well said!

[Emma-Louise]

I'm only a year and a half older than my SO and I've been told the age gap is wrong and I shouldn't be with a younger guy. As if the age gap makes a difference to us.

[Silviar]

Aw, thanks Heather! I was afraid I was getting ranty, LOL.

I'm only a year and a half older than my SO and I've been told the age gap is wrong and I shouldn't be with a younger guy. As if the age gap makes a difference to us.

Because that is such a huge gap that makes such a huge difference. Man Emma, I hope you just give them the Stare.