Why are you with your SO?

[Miramaid]

I am older than you but I do have the same worries and the same concerns. I want a family and children and I know I am not getting younger and yes not having plans drives me nuts. Tho i know it would have been many sacrifices, I feel like my SO should feel like I am worth it and move with me (because due to immigration policy I can not move, but he can if he wanted to). I feel like he should want to marry me and give me the highest commitment possible, so we can just move on and work towards out future TOGETHER. I feel like even on a distance, if I was engaged to him or married, I would feel more confident about where our lives are going and would feel much better waiting for the distance to close (if we have to be on a distance). But all that has not happened yet and I do not know if it will. I do question if he is very serious about me or not sometimes. I am not 19 tho. I think it makes a difference. And those out here who say they can wait forever coz their SOs are the best, I want to say to you "good for you guys" ! But besides my SO, there are things in life that I want: CHILDREN. And I can not have children and a family with my SO being far away so I definitely have "moments" when I ask myself it it is worth it and if he has closing the distance in mind.
I am also a believer that a lot of important things in a relationship depends on a man. Tho the society is changing, it is still men who ask to marry, propose, work when his wife is nursing the baby etc. So I believe it first of all should be HIM to make a move to have a plan. He should be the one to let me know that he is serious about me, wants to close the distance, and start the conversation about it. We did talk about it, but all the conversations ended in him being uncertain about everything in his life for the next 5 years at least (sounds like). I am sure he knows that if I could, I would move to the Moon to live and be with him.

P.S. I talked to a friend on a phone yesterday and my friend said "I would bet $1000 right now, that he will not propose to you. Everything has time and he has been waiting too long. I know you and anyone who knows you would have proposed to you by now. And it is not about a ring. It is about commitment. I know you do not care about rings. I just have a gut feeling that he will not propose to you" MADE ME SAD!!!!!

[LadyEcstsasy]

LadyMarchHare had a lot of good points in her response.

I can't say that I know my SO is the One, I can't say right now that we're going to get married someday. He's told me he wants to, he's promised me to do his very best to work with me so that we can be joined someday. But I don't know it will happen and neither does he. I'm young, a bit of a committment-phobe, and much too uncertain with where exactly my life is going to be ready to meet him at the alter.

I break down a lot because I want to commit to him as much as he commits to me, but I'm afraid of messing up and I've got baggage I've eluded to in various posts involving an ex of mine from nearly a year ago. I don't think it's fair that he can say that he wants to marry me, when I can't promise it will happen. He always reminds me that I shouldn't give up, just because I don't know now...well if I give up then I never will know for sure will I? Yes, I risk breaking his heart or mine, spending time, money, ect, on him - us - to have it not reach a "goal". But like LadyMarchHare said - it's the same for close distance relationships. Every relationship is that risk, every relationship will be difficult in it's own way. I can't see someone on the street and say "I'm going to marry him in 2.5 years and we'll have 3 kids and live in a duplex on Mill Street" I didn't even know if I would fall in love with my SO, if I even could love someone at the time cuz I was such a wreck. But I asked out my SO any way, to find out.

As for why my relationship is worth it. Ah....let me count the ways He is the most patient man I have ever met, and trust me, you need it to deal with me lol. He's not perfect by far, but neither am I. Sometimes I feel he's too good for me since I can be such an emotional mess. He brings parts of me out that I had burried or hidden away. He tries so hard to make sense of me and to work through problems with me - even when he gets so frustrated with me that he wants/needs to walk away and cool off or is close to yelling at me because he just doesn't understand why I'm upset. When we are together I may not be as productive as I want sometimes, but we always have fun. He makes a day of laying around doing nothing fun. (trust me, for someone as high-strung as me, that's a miracle). He may not understand my passions, but he wants to see me succeed just the same. Yeah...definitely worth it

[paulawriteslove]

Being in a long distance relationship can be one of the most frustrating things anyone has to go through. The missed phone calls, delayed texts, and feeling neglected are some of the problems we face every day. BUT, when I see my love at the airport everything goes away and we're perfect Yes we do have our bad times, but the good times we have together definitely make up for everything. It helps because if one of us is frustrated with something we tell each other right away before it has time to explode into a big fight, that has definitely helped us

[Heather]

LMH and everyone else who posted above me had a lot of great points and said things very well. (I didn't read them all so excuse me if I repeat something someone else has already said..) but you live and learn. I think at some point one way or another, EVERYTHING is "worth it" you just can't rush love and you can't really predict whether you will be together 15 years from now or not, you can't ever predict the future.. If you are happy and can at least see yourself being with them then maybe start taking baby steps to progressing the relationship forward and making bigger plans for the relationship. Some last, some don't. I think it's the same CD and LD. Live and learn but in order to do so you have to take chances.

[rivi87]

I am not gonna lie, I had my doubts before we even began with the distance, but as time went on I realized what a great guy he is and how its actually worth it. The LDR aspect sucks and the fact that you go weeks and months (in some of your cases) years without seeing your SO. So I am with my SO because I believe that he is worth it. Even though theres not an official endstate because of my military commitment (within 2-3 years is the plan) We are commited to making it work

[Leigh]

It is worth being in a LDR to me because my relationship with him is everything I ever wanted in a relationship. Although I would never choose to have another LDR again because the distance is something I don't think I would be strong enough to go through ever again.

[lucybelle]

(I haven't read through any of the replied posts so I apologize if this is a repeat)

Communication is THE most important part of an LDR. You really need to tell him exactly what it is you want, or he just won't know. I went through a similar thing with my SO. We would maybe send one email once a week, and MAYBE get a chance to chat for a few minutes. We had no future plans of seeing each other and no plans on closing the distance.

I handled this the wrong way-- I drank too much and wrote a long, depressed email telling him I was not happy with the lack of communication and that I was not happy with the state of our relationship. I suggest you write (or however you chose to tell him) the same type of thing, but do it sober! haha In the end, everything changed. We started skyping (which we had never done in our 1+ year knowing each other) every single day for an hour or more. He made plans to visit me. Then we made plans to close the distance. Then we DID close the distance. It's all because we told each other what we wanted.

You HAVE to talk about these things in the open or nothing is going to change. Good luck.

[EmSeattle]

Thank you, LadyMarchHare. Your response has really given me a lot to think about and I think, one that can help me the most. Thank you for letting me know that I need to stand my ground. But also thank you for the encouragement. I want this relationship to work out. We've been together before, all throughout high school, and there is a reason we have come back together. I am determined to make this work, but I am not willing to sacrifice anymore of my feelings. Thank you!

[TknandLvnIt]

I am glad that you got the advice that you needed a lot of the ladies made really good points but be clear in what you need from the relationship and ask so that you can be thinking about mutual goals for the relationship. I am with my SO because he is worth it just like the previous posters for sooooooo many reasons. I hope that you find the reasons why your relationship is worth it for you :-)

[Bølle]

I'm sorry to hear that you have a hard time with your LDR.. I would say it's worth it though. Like someone else said, if you have fun with your LD partner then why not continue? But it doesn't really seem like you find it very enjoyable :l
Heh, I used to play a lot of WoW, and I had some GREAT times online with people I never got to meet! Today I don't play anymore, but I don't regret that I did at all im GLAD I did!

For me; I was/am determined to endure this LD-business because I can see myself having a future with my SO. I know we have loads in common and share a lot of the same life-goals - and we crack each other up! I love spending time with her - LD as well as CD. I've been very lucky, and I wouldn't want to waste something that feels this right just because of a few miles... or a few thousand ..
.....That she's also extremely cute doesn't really throw me off either

[BabyGund]

Why do you go through ANY relationship if you MAY break up sooner or later? Because it's a part of life - a life experience that makes you a different and better person. I've had CD relationships, including a marriage, that went belly up on me, and I could have sworn those guys were "The One". And guess what? That's exactly how you should go into any relationship, thinking he's The One. He may be, he may not be - you'll find out along the way...enjoy the ride!

As far as The Boy and I, we have no plans to close the distance, outside of me moving 2 time zones away instead of the 5 times zones away we are now. The distance works for us right now - we both have some goals and plans we are working on that neither of us could do if one of us moves right now. It allows us to focus on our career plans in order to establish a great and financially secure future for both of us, and the distance allows us to look objectively at that future. The LDR is worth it because my life is happier with him than without him. If at such time that happiness quotient goes below acceptable levels , then he can be removed from my life.

You ask if a phone call a day is asking too much? Well, that is something that has to be negotiated with your SO. Depending on your schedules, maybe. I've found that when I start to feel neglected/doubtful, it's usually because I am too busy dwelling and not busy living. Idle hands are the devil's plaything. Are you in school? Do you have a job?

Maybe, just maybe he's not the right one. As you say, you're the type of girl who needs that reassurance; he might not be able to give that you. But that's something you two need to discuss and work out. Good luck.

[LostInLove]

I turned down my SO the first time he asked me out. I knew it would be hard, I didn't think I would deal with it well at all given my insecurities, and at the time it just didn't seem like a good idea. He asked me out again a few months later, and I said yes. By then I had fallen head over heels for him. He makes me happy, makes me feel special and loved. The day before we had gone to a lake with some friends, full of hot girls in bikinis, and he still made me feel like I was the only girl he saw. He treats me better than anyone has ever treated me, and never makes me feel pressured to change myself to better suit him. The opposite, in fact - he tells me that he's been thinking for a long time about the kind of girl he wants to be with, and that I'm it.

When someone makes you happy, it's a lot easier to deal with the problems that come up. The Boy and I have no plans to close the distance, and recently I've discovered that it'll be even more complicated for us than I first thought. It may never happen. Even so, it's not over til it's over. We love each other very much, and we're not going to give up just because it's hard. For me, it's because I've never been happier than when I'm with him. He makes my life better.

I think some of your issue is that you're not feeling satisfied in your relationship and that's why you're having doubts. Really, if you want to talk every day, tell him. Your boy's not psychic. He doesn't know what you want unless you make it clear to him. Sure, it would be nicer if he did it on his own, but having him do it at your request still shows he loves you and wants to make you happy. And it's better than him not doing it at all.

[Zephii]

We're no longer long distance, but we sure as hell did our time.

I'm with him because... because he's practically perfect. He is everything I want in a mate, and works to improve even on that. We spent so long trying not to love each other and failing that we also know we don't have much of a choice but to be together. It's how it is.
LD he always made the effort to make sure my emotional needs were met and that made the distance not just worth it, but actually enjoyable.

But there was a stage where we thought "we're not planning a future together, why do this?" we were in love, but it only bought us pain. So, we did try to end it. There's no point, in my opinion, if the relationship isnt going anywhere. But some people are able to live just in the moment, and I'm not one of those people.

[Rugger]

I'm with him because I love him, I'm with him because being with him is worth every second that we are apart, it's worth all the loneliness and having to be alone.

We haven't set a date for closing the distance yet. We tried to back in November, but thanks to this shitty economy It didn't work out the way we planned. It's still worth it.

I know it's been said, but you really need to talk to your SO. He isn't a mind reader, He might not even know that you are upset with him!

[FadedSunrise]

We have no plans to close the distance beyond his vague idea that he definitely wants to immigrate out of his country(China), and perhaps come to America. Before he met me he was considering other countries in Asia, but now America's just added to his list. I don't even think I can say that he is the One yet, because I have known him only for about 4 months total. But every day the thought of him makes me happy, talking to him takes away the stress of school, and he never ceases to remind me that 6000 miles away, I'm the one girl that matters in his life.

I walked out on this relationship once, but now it's not over till its over!