When is enough enough?

[Zephii]

Even if I could see my so 5-6 times a year, I wouldn't, honestly. Because there's no way that would be free, and neither of us would waste thousands of dollars that could go towards our future.

It's a hard question though, I was very very ready to start my life. I already feel behind as it is. So if we hadn't closed the distance yet? *Thinks about it* I don't know what I'd do, because I've always been taught that relationships are more important than anything else. If I couldn't have moved I'd have expected him to do so. So, we'll say I'd be willing to wait 3-4 years, going from the start of our official relationship. The older I get though, the less I'm willing to wait. For example if we end up long distance again this year, I wouldn't wait more than a year to close it again.

[agentholli]

I thought I could do it forever, but it has really weighed on my mind, that I even broke it off with him. Just saying my two cents.

[ashleecarol]

How long could you do long distance? I could go for a few more years. We've been long distance for over 7 years now. It is tough because it has been so long, however, we are both getting our lives in order (college) before we will come together permanently. We know that once we get through our schooling, our lives will be easier to manage. We will be able to move around pretty freely while searching for a job and we'll be able to settle. It is better than rushing together simply because you are impatient. The key in long distance relationships is "good things come to those who wait." The same applies to closing the distance for us.
How long would you be willing to wait, with seeing eachother lets say 5-6 times a year? We are coming to a close on our college. We have hit some bumps here and there about how much longer it will be for us. He will be done in another 1 1/2 - 2 years. It'll happen eventually, we know it. But honestly, two years is about as much more as I can take and we've talked about it.
Is your answer different than what it was before you met your SO? As a kid, I never thought about how long we would be together. Time didn't matter. I was just happy to be with someone who treated me so well. As we've gotten older and the more serious things are settling into the brain (finishing school, buying a house/apartment, marriage), I can feel the crunch of wanting the distance to end. We are trying to avoid becoming impatient the closer we get to the end. We want it to be here so badly.

All in all, if you have a wonderful relationship and the only thing that is a kink is the distance? It isn't worth ruining something so amazing due to your impatience. Another year or so won't kill anyone. Not to mention, those one to two years of waiting means you will eventually be able to spend the rest of your life with someone who knows you inside and out, deeply and madly loving you. Nothing bets that.

[Caitlin2009]

i asked Denise this question a few minutes ago and her response was "7 years??!!!!! Oh i dont know, i dont think i could do that, and besides in my opinion if you wait 7 years your afraid of making a commitment in person and thats not fair for either of you, if there was other reasons...maybe....but thats too long, its hard enough now and least we have an end date in sight right now, i dont think i could handle 7 years!"

[Jrapp]

I've been in mine for 6 months and it has been tough. There's some nights where I don't sleep, some days I just don't have an appetite (not often, no worries!). Our distance will be either shortened dramatically or ended in just about a year (May of 2012 hopefully). I don't know how I'd last 6-8 years considering how it's been in this short amount of time. I love Brianna to death, and for her I'd like to think I'd wait as long as it took, but I just don't know if that's realistic for me.

[loveknowsnodistance27]

My boyfriend and I are both college students, so we're not going to be long distance all year round. He is 360 miles away at school and we'll be long distance from September to mid-May, and then close distance from mid-May through August. We'll be long distance for 5 or 6 more years, because he's doing a 5 year program and then is probably combining his masters with his bachelors degree. In a few years, we may be long distance for the entire year, because he has to do a co-op program for his degree...he needs to do a year's' worth of co-op. He might do some of it during the summer and we're not sure where he'll be working. I'm willing to wait for him as long as it takes for him to finish school because I know he'll be home one day.

We've seen each other about 3 or 4 times since we've been long distance. It doesn't change my opinion on how long I would wait...I'm willing to keep going and those visits really help me get through the distance.

For the third question, I never thought I'd ever be in an LDR in my life. It only hit me a few months before Anthony and I began dating that we'd be long distance. I'd liked him for a long time before we were together, and we were only dating 14 days before he left for school. I can honestly say I'd never thought about being in an LDR and never thought how long I'd be able to wait for someone. I always thought they were impossible and painful and thought the people who were in them were insane. But, now I'm one of them! I surprised myself as to how strong I really am and I know now they ARE do-able and are actually quite amazing! =]

[MystChic]

I'm going to echo what others have said and say that if I got to see him 5 or 6 times a year that'd make it a hell of a lot easier. But the grass is not always greener. I couldn't say goodbye 5 or 6 times a year either.

My SO and I literally take it one year at a time. There has only been once when I seriously considered breaking up with him. The only thing that stopped me was that I realised I'd still be in the same place that I was.. simply because I didn't want to be with anyone else.

So how long would I do it? For as long as it took for us to work out a way around it..

[Rugger]

I'm spoiled. I get to see my SO at least once a month, more if I'm lucky. ( This past month I saw him three weekends in a row) . I could possibly hold out another 2 years in LDR. We don't live that far apart (only 6 hours). Hopefully when one of us get a permanant job, we'll be set. We've basically decided that whoever gets a job first, the other will move to them.

I don't think I could do it for 6-8 years. I want a family by then, I want to be married and have kids. If he wasn't willing to end the distance, than he's gone.

[Caitlin2009]

i would think 4 years would be the max for anybody unless its special circumstances, i mean by the beginning of your 2nd year together you should at least have some sort of a plan on how your gonna end the distance, right?

[Moon]

i would think 4 years would be the max for anybody unless its special circumstances, i mean by the beginning of your 2nd year together you should at least have some sort of a plan on how your gonna end the distance, right?

Disagree. I've been with my guy for two years, and we don't have a plan other than I'll probably move to Finland someday and when that happens, we'll live apart for about a year to get used to everything. I don't think your main goal has to be ending the distance as soon as possible, especially when you're both well established where you are. As much as I'd love to be with him everyday, its just not practical right now, I've got responsibilities here, and he's got 'em there. I have a decent career, but if I moved there, I don't even speak the language yet. He hates US employment rules and the way corporations are run here, and never wants to have to work here, can't say I blame him, so he won't be looking for a career change on this side of the pond.

I think we have a pretty typical, international LDR, for people our age. No special circumstances, other than my grown-up kid and dogs I won't leave yet, and even that's pretty standard stuff. All relationships are different, you really can't lump them together by how you feel, you know? When you've worked really, really hard for a very long time for what you have in life, you're not that anxious to let it go

[BabyGund]

Moon beat me to it...

The beauty of this thread has been we all have a different answer based on where we are right now in life. If I was 17 or 18 like Nic, the OP, maybe I would think differently about a time frame. But being 20 (eek!) years older, divorced, with a child, established in a career but in the middle of a career change with an SO that is also very established in his career there - that need to close the distance is not an overwhelming desire right now. I could easily see us continuing to be LD for 4 years and guess what? That eclipses the total time of his last relationship from meeting to marriage to divorce.

[Micah]

I am spoiled too. I see my SO about once a month, or less... usually every 3 weeks. The longest we have gone is 5 weeks. And there have been periods of times where I have seen him every 2 weeks. And this time around, I only have to wait 9 days to see him, BUT it still isn't enough for me. We have plans to close the distance this summer. Luckily, it's like everything is forcing me to move there this summer. I am divorced and my daughters' dad is moving there within the next month. So, moving there will bring my daughters closer to their dad and also me closer to my love. It has fell into place. Everyone's different. I am in a position right now where I need to get a job, so I have been looking there instead of around here since I plan on being there at the end of May/beginning of June. By that time, we will have been together about a year. To me, that is the perfect amount of time for us because we are both in positions in our life where we are ready for the next step with each other, where it is natural and not forced. We want to get married and have children together in the next few years, and at our ages and positions in life, it would make those goals really hard if we had to wait a lot of years. So, I would say my max time would be one to two years if we were able to see each other as often as we do now.

[MeeshaLenee]

I don't really know what my limit is, it's hard to tell what I'd be able to handle if the situation demanded it....

However, knowing myself and how impatient I am, I'd guess 3 years TOPS. I want to get married and have a family soon, and if it wouldn't work out in 3 years, I don't know if I'd be able to handle it, despite the fact that I love my SO dearly and can't imagine being with anyone else.

We don't have any solid plans to close the distance at the moment; we're at least waiting till our first visit to decide on the big things like that (just to make sure we mesh as well in person as we do LD). But neither of us really plans on waiting longer than we have to. We'll probably be long-distance for at least another year, because I won't be old enough to move over there on a marriage visa until then and he doesn't really want to move over here (and I don't really mind, either), but no longer than necessary.

I've been in LDRs before, and I think my answer hasn't changed at all. I'll wait as long as I absolutely HAVE to, but beyond that, I can't promise a long time.

[WakeUpSusie]

I couldn't wait that long. I've been semi-LD for four years and I'm SO over it. I'm happy it's ending permanently in just two months because as much as I love and adore my guy, I don't know how much more distance either of us would be able to take. We just want to be with each other already.

[tiffinnie]

We haven't really sat down and discussed this since we're so early on in our relationship. We have talked about marriage and that he would move here but as to when that will happen is still undetermined. He has business plans that set him there until he is at least 25 years old (he will be 23 this year) and thats fine with me... I would love to have him closer, don't get me wrong. But I'm willing to wait a max of 5 years before I pack up my things and move to him if thats what it is going to take to be closer... My last LDR we waited about 2.5 years doing the LD thing with visits like 3 or 4 times a year for like a month at a time...

If we were able to see eachother 5-6 times a year I would be the happiest human alive because then I would get just about everything I want... distance and not feeling so suffocated in a physically close relationship, as well as the times we spend together being special and mean more than just another visit to us... but I think that the reality is seeing eachother 2-3 times a year once we get things farther along.