Open relationships?

[LadyMarchHare]

^^^ THIS
My SO and I both strongly agree with this.

In the interest of playing Devil's Advocate here, I think the only reason the OP considered agreeing was to make her boyfriend happy and possibly end any arguments they may've had about the subject. Basic submission on the ignorant thought it's for the greater good of the relationship.

[nic&matt]

Like everyone said, everyone has given good advice.
I personally would never stand for it. I don't believe in sex before marriage and I'm a VERY strong advocate for just one person.
Marriage was built around ONE man and ONE woman. It worked for them way back when and it works now.

You even asking what you should do gives the answer. You're not 100% into it, you never will be. It's hard to change someone in a relationship who isn't willing to change so if he's set on doing it, there's no way of getting around it.

Long Distance Relationship is ALL about waiting. You are waiting for ONE specific person to come into your life for good. If he's not waiting for you, he's not serious about this thing.

Ending it is hard and it seems like you have strong attachments to him. The sooner you're done the sooner you will meet someone better, someone to treat you the way you deserve to be treated. The best of luck and we're all here to support you whichever way you go.

[Riyko]

I agree with everyone 180%, but one thing i do have to add is he wants a once sided open relationship because of the distance, but who's to say once you close the distance he'll want the one sided open relationship to end.

With or without you there, he's finding a way to make it ok for him to cheat and say he's horny but you're at school or at work once the distance is closed nothing is going to stop him from doing it because he'll bring up the you said it's ok even though we ended the open relationship bit (just from what you said he sounds like he might be that type of guy).

[lucybelle]

I haven't read the 4 pages of replies, but my SO and I had an open relationship for the beginning of our relationship. It was definitely a mutual decision and we were both adult enough to decide that it was okay. It worked well and we were in an open relationship for about a year and a half. We both saw other people but eventually we decided that that wasn't what we wanted anymore. So we finally made it "official" and "exclusive". I think it's kind of shady going from exclusive TO open, and also think it's REALLY shady that HE only wants to have sex. No go man. It's both or nothing.

Anyways, hope you've made a good decision, just wanted to tell my tale

[ashleecarol]

In the interest of playing Devil's Advocate here, I think the only reason the OP considered agreeing was to make her boyfriend happy and possibly end any arguments they may've had about the subject. Basic submission on the ignorant thought it's for the greater good of the relationship.

Simply submitting to things one does not want to do doesn't create a good foundation for ANY relationship, nor helps with building up a relationship. There needs to be an equal balance. Yes, it is always important to make the other person in the relationship happy and and by submitting, she is doing so. However! Considering the damage that this is doing to her, as well as the entire relationship, she doesn't want him to do this (which she stated). She is one half of the whole in this.
She isn't okay with it and she would rather just submit to avoid argument? In a healthy relationship, she should to be able to talk about this openly with him and a compromise should be made, whether that is to break up, stay together and be exclusive to each other, or both ends are open. There isn't just ONE end of the spectrum in something that involves two people. "It takes two to tango", anyone? If she REALLY thinks she can handle it, I am not saying she shouldn't do it! It is her choice. I am just stating that she should not just let him do this to her if her heart is not in it 100% with the insecurities that she has already stated. She doesn't want it. He doesn't want to just be with one person for the rest of his life. She can't be with anyone else. He can. One word, my friend; Unhealthy.

[wyerbl]

Thank you everyone for your advice. You are all right. I told him i didnt want to do that and he seemed fine with it so i thought it was all going to be okay... we could have the happy ever after we always talked about. Sadly he cheated on me. The relationship is now over and im going to find someone I really deserve. Thank you again.

For the last time on LDR,
Brittney

[LadyMarchHare]

Simply submitting to things one does not want to do doesn't create a good foundation for ANY relationship, nor helps with building up a relationship. There needs to be an equal balance. Yes, it is always important to make the other person in the relationship happy and and by submitting, she is doing so. However! Considering the damage that this is doing to her, as well as the entire relationship, she doesn't want him to do this (which she stated). She is one half of the whole in this.
She isn't okay with it and she would rather just submit to avoid argument? In a healthy relationship, she should to be able to talk about this openly with him and a compromise should be made, whether that is to break up, stay together and be exclusive to each other, or both ends are open. There isn't just ONE end of the spectrum in something that involves two people. "It takes two to tango", anyone? If she REALLY thinks she can handle it, I am not saying she shouldn't do it! It is her choice. I am just stating that she should not just let him do this to her if her heart is not in it 100% with the insecurities that she has already stated. She doesn't want it. He doesn't want to just be with one person for the rest of his life. She can't be with anyone else. He can. One word, my friend; Unhealthy.

You read my post wrong. I was merely clarifying a point that it was possible it was considered to make him happy. I did not condone such an action nor was I saying it's fine and dandy to let yourself be a doormat for the sake of someone else's happiness. You don't need to italicize or underline the word "don't" for me, I realize its definition in any tense.

wyerbl: Well from the way you talked about him it seemed that was inevitable, however I am sorry it did end on that note. No one enjoys being cheated on. Best of luck to you in your life and future love endeavors.

[hxcbreakdance]

I had an ex that wanted to do something similar and I let him walk over me for a while before I finally kicked him to the curb. It's not worth it, it's just going to hurt you and you can find someone better who won't want to be with anyone else but you.

[hxcbreakdance]

Thank you everyone for your advice. You are all right. I told him i didnt want to do that and he seemed fine with it so i thought it was all going to be okay... we could have the happy ever after we always talked about. Sadly he cheated on me. The relationship is now over and im going to find someone I really deserve. Thank you again.

For the last time on LDR,
Brittney

Woops just now saw this after I went on my little rant. Good luck to you girl!

[His_Critter]

I am sorry but open relationships have to go both ways

my former marriage was open... he could not deal with my being with my current bf as a second relationship... he asked me to stop but he did not want to give up his lady friends. my marriage ended. I am very happy with my former second partner as my primary partner.

if he wants it but says you can not have I think that unfair.

[Mizpah]

I would have broken up with the moment he suggested it. First of all, open relationships are not for me. Secondly, I would never agree to one-sided BS that really amounts to him wanting the best of you while giving you the worst of him. My husband is a very sexual person, and never once was it a problem for him to remain faithful and committed to me. One of his friends was like your bf. Engaged, but always looking to score with another girl, ogling girls and making crude remarks (they didn't stay friends, for obvious reasons), etc. Aaron's co-workers would tell me about how they'd be drooling over themselves over some hot girl and he wouldn't even give her more than a passing glance. When they gave him a hard time about it, he told them that he had a girlfriend/fiancee (depending on the stage we were at), and that was that. Being "sexual" (technically we ALL are) is no excuse.

[Prince_of_Light]

These are a horrible idea. That's pretty much all that needs to be said.

[NickyDoll]

Ok, I'm not one for an open relationship, I know it's kind of a big thing these days, a lot of people are doing it. But open relationships are open on both sides and both in the relationship agree. That is not right at all that you're not okay with it and he doesn't want you to be with other people. He sounds like a possessive jerk who wants to have sex with anything that moves while you're back at home. It's ridiculous, I don't care whether or not my SO loved me and I loved him, I would be done if he suggested anything like this to me.

[OliveOyl]

haha my ex suggested something similar... or eluded to it. And he knew I was dead set against it. Soo he just did it behind my back. AND that was with me and him a whole 20 minutes apart from one another... just saying....

[Rosebud]

This is not something I would ever be okay with ever doing. I can see how in some high moments of tension this might seem like a good outle to have your cake and eat it too, but just no. No thank you. Not a route I will ever be taking and I admit I'd likely inwardly judge another couple who practiced this.