Weight loss...

Thats a huge issue in my relationship. my bf is overweight. And I love him very much but i dont like him being overweight and i know that he knows how i feel about it. He knows that if we hadnt met online first, i wouldnt have given him the time of the day because of his weight (which makes me feel like a shallow bitch... but thats the truth)

its a really touchy subject for him, so whenever any1 talks to him about him needing to lose weight etc, he immediatly reacts in an evasive sort of way and starts feeling dissapointed but honestly never really does anything to remedy it. I know i cant force him to lose weight, and that all the motivation has to come from him, but i wonder if any1 has a similar issue and knows how to deal with this kinds of situations cuz i obviously dont. And all im doing is make it even worse every time.

besides, being in a long distance relationship, i really cant do anything, like go with him to the gym, and make him come work out with me. niether can i be there to make sure all that he eats is healthy etc.

But we're gonna get married soon.. so there's a LOT of preassure on him lately to lose weight for the wedding. And we had a huge argument this morning because of it. So thats not good because now i really said a few things that i honestly shouldnt have said... >< but i feel like i am at loss for words. I dont know what to do.

He's a wonderful guy... the only problem that keeps him from being perfect is his weight. I wouldn't mind if he was just a little overweight.. but he's just seriously overweight, and even tho he knows it, it puts blocks in our relationship because we cannot do several things because his weight gets in the way and if not that then his self consciousness about his weight.

thoughts?

[snow_girl]

I think you need to accept him for who is is NOW. If he has been overweight most of his life its possible he maybe be genetically predisposed to his weight. It could also be emotional. I am sure your nagging him is not helping his self esteem and is doing the reverse in giving him motivation to lose weight. To say his weight is keeping him from being perfect really bothers me, I think you need to stop being shallow and just love him how he is.

[Brandie]

Losing weight isn't easy. I think you need to positively help him with this goal of getting in shape. But bottom line, if he isn't ready to lose weight, he's not going to lose weight. You just need to be there for him as his girlfriend, telling him that you wouldn't have talked to him in person isn't going to make him feel good, that's just going to make him feel worse and crappy about himself. Trust me I know from experience, people nagging you to lose weight and always bringing up your weight just makes you not want to lose weight, but when people are encouraging you saying you can do it, and saying things like "You attract me now so much, I just want you to feel better about your body", those are the things that get people pumped to lose weight, not telling them they would never talk to them if you met in person.

[Brandie]

I think you need to accept him for who is is NOW. If he has been overweight most of his life its possible he maybe be genetically predisposed to his weight. It could also be emotional. I am sure your nagging him is not helping his self esteem and is doing the reverse in giving him motivation to lose weight. To say his weight is keeping him from being perfect really bothers me, I think you need to stop being shallow and just love him how he is.

Perfectly Said

[Deleted Account]

i guess i do nag him about it whenever we talk about weight loss but tbh, i try to never talk about it because i know he's going to feel upset so like i really try not to do so. But like i said, the upcoming wedding is putting preassure for him to lose weight. I told him a long time ago that i wanted him to lose weight for the wedding (like almost a year ago) but i havent said a single thing about it since then. But now every1 is trying to make him lose weight which prompted this argument we had this morning.

He is genetically predisposed to his weight, he has always been as overweight as he is, but its definitely not healthy for him and even when i say that it really doesnt matter to him because i messed up early in our relationship when i first realized his weight. He immediatly knew i wasnt happy about it.

And i guess i do sound harsh saying he's not perfect.. but i didnt mean it like that, more as in, he's like the guy every girl would dream of except that we all dream of a sexy guy not an overweight one..... im obviously really bad at talking about this ><

I really cannot imagine my life without him...


he's incredibly handsome but ppl dont notice that because of his weight, so like i try to tell him that he is handsome and everything but that fuck up early on in our relationship kinda discredits my beliefs..


The important thing here, is that i want him to be happy. He's not happy with his weight, and i know that. I make it even worse by letting him know im not happy either. And every1 else puts the same preassure on him. So obviously thats really bad. I just wish i knew how i could make it all better for him

[Brandie]

Tell him those things!! Tell him he is handsome, and that you are attracted to him and love him. Him hearing that will make him feel so good about himself, and want him to better his health for you. And maybe instead of saying things to lose weight, just say things that will get him to be more healthy and active. You can be healthy and over weight. There's also so many people that are thin and unhealthy. So just encourage him to better his health, not necessarily lose weight, and maybe over time he will actually end up losing weight too on top of just being a healthier person!

[garnet]

If he treats you right, and you're happy with everything else about him, I think you have to either decide to work on your acceptance of him as he is, or if this is going to bother you (and hurt him) for life, let him go.

I've always gone up and down in weight. The two most cruel people about it were my father and grandmother. Even when they weren't saying anything, I knew they were thinking it. My grandmother passed away, my father disowned me, same week. I dropped around 80 pounds very quickly, just because the weight of their pressure (silent or not) was off of me. Your guy has to lose on his time table, because he wants to. He can't do it to please you (if he did have success, it likely wouldn't be long term).

My ex husband was over 320 pounds. It wasn't exactly my ideal for him... and I know his health was at major risk. Since we were not LD, I cooked healthy, and we walked. He knew he was in bad shape, he didn't need me pointing it out. Before he became so abusive though, it mattered, but it didn't impact my feelings for him.

I don't mean to sound harsh, but I think if you are still saying and believing that he is perfect *except* ... it isn't the right time to marry him. JMO.

[snow_girl]

I don't think he looks that overweight in your photo. If he is still the same weight on you wedding day it won't make the day any less special. If he has always been overweight then losing it is A LOT harder to do if its in his genes. That being said because its genetic being overweight it does not mean he is unhealthy.

Everyone should stop pressuring him. Who cares? Like Brandie mentioned he will lose it when HE is ready. I'm sure he feels awful right now having everyone on his case. Give him a break.

[LovingHim]

If he is not eating healthy, what about trying to eat healthy together? So that he doesn't feel that he is in this 'loosing weight' alone. Share recipes over the internet, comment on which food you liked. It's always good to have a partner that motives you

[Deleted Account]

okay i will do as you all have said.. im just really bad at this....

he's really important to me, im not going to leave him, i really love him a lot, and he is perfect for me..

He doesnt look that overweight because his really tall, but he weights around 320.. and thats still is really dangerous weight for him, and even tho i dont like how overweight he is, im also concerned about his health.

[Brandie]

good luck talking to him!! Just keep in mind this is very hard on him feeling he has to lose weight, so just be considerate that he is the one that will make the decision to lose weight or not. keep us updated!

[Deleted Account]

If he is not eating healthy, what about trying to eat healthy together? So that he doesn't feel that he is in this 'loosing weight' alone. Share recipes over the internet, comment on which food you liked. It's always good to have a partner that motives you

yeah thats what i think too.. i am even going to cook for him when we're finally together, and i really dont like cooking, but i would do anything to take care of him.

[garnet]

okay i will do as you all have said.. im just really bad at this....

he's really important to me, im not going to leave him, i really love him a lot, and he is perfect for me..

He doesnt look that overweight because his really tall, but he weights around 320.. and thats still is really dangerous weight for him, and even tho i dont like how overweight he is, im also concerned about his health.

If he knows that it's in your mind, there is a good chance it is helping to keep him overweight. If it hurts his feelings and makes him insecure, it might well send him to the comfort of food. Just a thought.

Anyway, you should have a much easier time helping him once the distance is closed. Your lifestyle can lead by example. Plus sex burns lots of calories. :P

I wish you guys the best, and I hope that for his health, he is able to make a dent in his weight. I think even a 10% drop can have great health benefits for him.

[LostInLove]

I think you need to do everything you can to take the pressure off of him I had the same issue a while back: I would gain weight, my mom would notice and comment on it and tell me I needed to be more active etc etc, I would feel bad about myself and end up stress eating, and the cycle continued. Honestly, the best think you can do is tell him that you love him just the way he is. If you feel the need to, tell him you're worried more for his health because you want him to be around for a long time, but to take his time and do it his way. When you guys do start living together, you can do things to help with his efforts, like cooking healthier foods and going for walks together, stuff like that. Tell him you're doing it for yourself, and you'd love it if he would do it with you to help keep you motivated. But just stop telling he has to lose weight, the guilt that comes with hearing something like that does more harm than good.

And honestly, you need to decide if you can deal with him being the weight he is for the rest of his life. What happens if he never loses the weight? If in the long run it's just going to cause huge issues between the two of you, you need to think about letting him go.

[Sav88]

Gotta put yourself in his shoes. If you were overweight and he wasn't and he accepted you for you, wouldn't that be lovely