Weight loss...

[Trethsparr]

I'm also saying there are underlying instinctual (is that a real word? lol)

Yep, sure is.

[His_Critter]

I think you need to accept him for who is is NOW. If he has been overweight most of his life its possible he maybe be genetically predisposed to his weight. It could also be emotional. I am sure your nagging him is not helping his self esteem and is doing the reverse in giving him motivation to lose weight. To say his weight is keeping him from being perfect really bothers me, I think you need to stop being shallow and just love him how he is.

This exactly.

I had gastric bypass 18 months ago. Now I need plastic surgery. I am so afraid that if I regain weight or get too small my BF will not be happy but he accepts me where i am.

you have to accept and love a person where they are in order to let them grow when they are ready.

[BabyGund]

Sara - It's not touching that other thread with a ten foot pole. It's not even asking for advice, it's just a place where people can sling insults and get themselves all worked up into a frenzy which some people are going to lose sleep over no doubt. It's an interesting day on the forum today.

I'm sorry, I didn't realize that every thread here needed to ask for advice. It was not my intention for anyone to sling insults, as much as to spark a debate about ideals and perceptions, brought on by the reactions and opinions offered in this thread. I apologize if it's offended you in some way.

[Zephii]

I'm nearly never offended. It's a forum *shrug* That's just my take on the other thread.

[Mizpah]

You know, after all this, i've learned a few things...

I realized that being overweight doesnt necesarily mean its a big deal. John is the guy of my dreams, granted he is overweight and I rather he wasnt but i wouldnt change him for anything in this world. We spoke yesterday since the argument we had led to a lot of issues, and hence me posting the thread to get some view points, and i learned that he's no longer taking blood preassure pills, and altho he is overweight, he is perfectly healthy.

This is all more of an issue with me. I've always been on the chubby side, altho if u see me you might not think im chubby, but where i live for some reason they put a lot more preassure on me, so i've spent my life worrying about my weight and always making sure i never pass that line of 60kgs. I also watched my sister lose control and go from being extremely beautiful, tall and thin: model-type, to extremely obese in which she would serve this huge bowls of pasta and eat them entirely.

So maybe i've just developed this thing against overweight ppl... because everything regarding that in my life has just been negative, and I reflected that on my love.

Good for you I'm glad you're analyzing WHY you feel so strongly about the issue.

What I am saying is that it's valid for her to want a thinner partner if that's what she's atteacted to.

I agree with your posts to a certain degree, but if she wanted a thinner partner than perhaps she should have chosen one, not tried to change the one she has. As stated in my original post, I can understand encouraging an unhealthy partner to make improvements for THEIR well-being, but I do not agree with encouraging/belittling a partner because of one's own insecurities or wish to fulfill some societal ideal. That's my two cents, anyway

[Zephii]

if she wanted a thinner partner than perhaps she should have chosen one

Sometimes people fall in love without knowing what the other person looks like